I have a sit. and I am not sure how to handle it, I come from a large family. 1 of my sisters are not by blood, her family kinda gave her to us when she was young and was brought up with us. We have always been sisters and that is how we identify each other, her kids are my niece & nephew & vice versa. She has 2 blood siblings but never sees them. In April the unthinkable happened and my niece was killed she was 5 yrs, now people on the outside R telling her how we are not "Real" family and have no right to grieve the way we are. now that there is a lawsuit, people are coming out of the woodwork, and telling her to be careful of US!! While my niece was alive My Sister worked and we took care of the kids more than she did, aside from that my niece was named for me. Noone gave to thoughts to her while she was here and now there are opinions. It is literally killing me because I lost the closest thing to a daughter I have ever had. I don't know how to handle the hurtful things.......
2007-12-10 05:59:30 · 3 answers · asked by peacefulflower23 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
that are being said and whats more, I feel that my sister is taking advantage of my being hurt to manipulate me into doing more for her by using the kids names. I am spreading myself way to thin and in the process trying to handle my own grief , but I don't know how to respond to whats said about us. My Nephew (12yr) has even told me that other people are tellling him that I am not his real Aunt, and I remind him to look back on every hard time and see who was really there. We (my sister included) were brought up that family doesn't rely on blood, it relies on heart and all a matching blood type means is that you may get a kidney in the future. I know not everyone believes this, but how do I reinterate to our family that we need to stick together now more than ever? And how do I handle my sister's advantage taking of without turning into a heartless witch?
2007-12-10 06:09:50 · update #1
First thing you could remember, hon, is that other adults need to take care of themselves, and get through things in their own way -- i'm speaking of your sister... You are enabling her to take advantage of you by "spreading yourself thin" as you said, and you're not being kind, nor fair, to yourself....
As for what others say, whoever started these awful comments has absolutely no compassion and is downright cruel... i can't imagine people! Death causes all sorts of weirdos to come out of the woodwork... and i'm sorry your family has had to endure gossip.... and your nephew too.. how fair or right is it to say something awful about his relatives to a kid... they might not be biological relatives, but in YOUR HEARTS they are yours...
I think you are right when you say your family needs to stick together -- be supportive of each other and be caring. You don't have to give "things" to be supportive... and of course, you can't always be there because you really do need to take care of YOU....
Yes you do have the right to grieve over someone who belongs to your heart, and your sister and neice sure do... even though she is gone, she is still in your heart, hon.
You don't have to "handle" these hurtful things -- but you can go through your own grieving process, and do your best to move forward with life. the people who are causing this gossip are stagnant people, whose lives are likely miserable.
take care of YOU.. that's the best advice i have.
2007-12-10 06:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
blood is not always thicker then water. you just have to learn to ignore what the other people are saying. it's none of their buisness. maybe you can sit down and talk to your sister and let her know how you feel about the people talking...maybe she feels the same way? and maybe that will make your bond even stronger. honesty is always the best way to go even if it's scarey. you definatly need to keep your family close to help with your greiving and support. they are the best thing. you gotta put on your emotional armor and let those judgemental comments bounce off. it's not easy but you have to do it to get through it! just sit down and talk to her. maybe you can help her talk to her son to make him understand that you will be there forever. even if he doesn't believe it now or has doubts, he will figure it out in the future when he is older and understands the complexity of the situation.
good luck :) i'll send you some good vibes!
2007-12-13 12:19:56 · answer #2 · answered by Matilda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry for your lost, but it's a part of life. Live for her! Smile for her! Love for her! Be there for your sister, she needs you now more then ever! This is one of the hardest things a person would have to do, to have their child die. Guide her in a new direction, she's needs the guideness..
2007-12-10 14:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by Mudchick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋