my borhter-in-law and his wife have a 9 month old son and leave him with her mother every weekend so they can get hammered. her mother by the way has and still is raising raising 5 girls. yongest to oldest... 8, 10, 13, 16, and 21. all but the two youngest are having sex, and the 16 year old just gave birth to her second child. besides that the language that that woman uses isn't the best for any kid to pick up.
I have offered so many times to watch their son, and so have his (and my husbands) parents have also offered to watch him.
They still leave him at her mother's.
and all this so they can get drunk!
what should i do?
2007-12-10 05:43:30 · 8 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I forgat to metion that my brother-in-law's wife's mother is shagging up with her 1st cousin... and her daughters all know this... the 16 year old's new baby is a girl and has made the comment that her daughter and nephew would be cute together... taking a hint from her mother that that kind of thing is alright.
2007-12-10 07:12:17 · update #1
Call child welfare services in your area, call is anonymous and they can do the investigation...including the welfare of those 5 girls.
2007-12-10 05:50:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, any "Dr. Laura" listener would know that once you have a kid, your primary responsibility is that kid. (That's about all I agree with Dr. Laura on.) That said, though, a couple is supposed to have couple time, to make sure they stay intact as a marrital unit. I don't know about every weekend, and I don't know whether getting drunk is the most productive way to that, but taking a step back for a minute, it appears that they have the right idea, but are just overindulging.
Now, the real question is whether their choice to leave the kid with your sister-in-law's mom is a right or wrong choice. Based upon what you're telling me, it sounds like she is not communicating positive parenting messages to her own kids, but that's no reason to think that she can't take care of an infant. The things that are more of a concern is the language (which kids will pick up on very quickly), the atmosphere (which can shape a kid's psyche) and the attachment the kid may have to his grandma and vice versa (which could affect him when he gets older). But, remember, she IS the kid's maternal grandmother, and your brother-in-law's wife was raised by her. If she thinks she turned out OK, then she's going to let her mom help with the kids.
What it REALLY sounds like you want is someone to justify you to turn your nose at them, to think how superior your parenting / side of the family is. That's not any better. Are the kids fed? Clothed? Loved? Protected? If not, then call child protective services. If so, it's none of your business.
If you're still concerned about the kid being left with this family, don't just OFFER to take the kid (e.g. "If you ever need a sitter...") indicate your DESIRE to have the kid. ("Your son is SO cute. I'd just love to have him over next weekend... it's been a while since we had a baby in the house and I would love to be around him more.) Maybe then your Bro-in-law will feel like he's obliged to let you (and other members of his family) sit, and more people will take turns.
NOTE:
PLEASE do not take others' advice and call child protective services (or Department of Family Services, or whatever it's called in your state) unless you believe that the children are actually being NEGLECTED or ABUSED. CPS is NOT a method to "get back" at a family member for making decisions you disagree with. It is not meant for families who "let" their daughters get pregnant, or for people who have crass mouths. But, if this woman gets investigated, she will know who "turned her in," (even if the call is "anonymous") her daughter will hate you and your side of the family for years, and you'll see the kid LESS, not MORE.
2007-12-10 05:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by Perdendosi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's so unfortunate for those children...but I feel that you have done what you can by offering to watch their son. They're crazy for not taking you up on your offer...maybe try pushing harder.
If you really feel that the kids are in any type of danger...contact social services.
Take this all as a lesson on how not to raise your kid.
2007-12-10 05:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by starshine75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there really isn't anything u can do. if u feel this is wrong(which it is) tell them about what u r feeling. if u also feel like their putting the kid in any danger call social services or another relative.
2007-12-10 05:49:36 · answer #4 · answered by stefstudy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
realize that this is not a proper way to raise children, and file it into your brain for your own, future reference.
you can't change your brother and sister in law.
2007-12-10 05:48:31 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is appalling you need to have a strong word with them if her mother is as bad as that. l don't understand why she won't leave him with you,do you get on? l would tell her how you feel you are a concerned relative.
2007-12-10 05:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of your husbands brothers life. Whatever they do is their business .
2007-12-10 05:58:29 · answer #7 · answered by Kira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mind ur business
2007-12-10 05:55:35 · answer #8 · answered by jade4e83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋