I have a daughter who is 4 yrs old who asking why her bio-dad(Vinny) stopped visiting?Her bio-father wanted to keep the fact that he is my daughters dad secret so he asked if i would refrain from having his name put on the birth certificate and to allow him to send me CS under the books.I agreed to these conditions because i did not want any problems but for the past 6 months he has stopped paying CS and seeing his daughter( he used to stop by once a month).Only a select few that include my mother(probably my dad) , me, my daughter but she's not an adult,my long term bf has an idea but turns a blind eye and Vinny himself are aware that my daughter is his.I suspect my daughters bio-dad Vinny is married or engaged now how recently though i am not sure?His cell phone number has been changed do i call his home phone which i recently looked up or pay him a visit in person?I dont want to mess with his personal life because for all know he might have another child?
2007-12-10 05:19:11 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My history with Vinny is as follows..Vinny was my first bf and everything in HS.We had a very dramatic relationship becacause i was a good girl and he was a bad boy from another not as nice town.He broke up with me and broke my heart twice. The last time i was unknowingly pregnant i became depressed went from being 110 pounds(5ft 6) down to 90 pounds and lost the baby.I went on to college became even more shy than in HS and Vinny came back to hound me for a fling while he had a gf.I stupidly agreed and that went on for a little over a year.I met a really sweet guy(Danny) who brought me back to myself we started being friend then dating and i ended the fling with my ex.Well when Danny died suddenly(cancer)Vinny came by again for a fling (still with the gf unknown to me). Fling lasted 3 months thats when my daughter as concieved.
2007-12-10 05:26:41 · update #1
You need to do what is best for the child. Child support may be necessary for the lifestyle of the child, even if you just stash it in a savings account for college or something.
If he did father a child while in another relationship, that is between him and his partner to work out...you telling or not does not change what happened
2007-12-10 05:26:17 · answer #1 · answered by Jake 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Vinny is irresponsible and doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions. As the mother you can petition the courts for child support and just because Vinny's name is not on the birth certificate you can get it put back on.
Make him pay child support...this may take months to collect but he has a responsibility to his child. As far as the new bf is concerned...how does he treat your daughter? What is your possible future with the new bf? Just don't date all kinds of people and introduce them to your daughter as "uncle" this and that....you'd be surprised at how this can mess up your daughter's conceptions of relationships when she gets older.
Do not go to his home or call him, let the courts handle this the right way. You will be glad you did in the long run.
2007-12-10 13:45:52 · answer #2 · answered by belen2499 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you did not see at the time that it was Vinny's intent all along to not support your child when he asked not to show him as the legal father. He is obviously a very irresponsible person.
Take him to court and get the legal support. You owe it to your daughter. Vinny obviously does not care what happens to you or your daughter, so why are you concerned about messing up his life? He needs to be held responsible for his actions. They can do a DNA test if he tries to claim it is not his child.
At the same time, seems maybe you need to stop being so naive and trusting of everyone that comes along. Time to be responsible yourself and do what is right for your daughter. She should come first before worrying how Vinny might be affected.
2007-12-10 13:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by Dale P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that is quite the story. I'm sorry Danny is no longer with you he sounded like a very nice man. If you are concerned about the CS...you need to file a paternity case with your local child support office. They will file all the paperwork for you and explain to them your story. They will order him to DNA testing to determine the paternity of your daughter. If it is determined he is the father they will order him to pay child support. And he will need to pay. He may get mad at you and want to sue you for custody...that is why many mother's never sue for child support. Anyway, he may get some visitation so just be forewarned. But he will still be ordered to pay child support until your daughter is 18 years old and as long as he is working. Good Luck and NO...I don't think you are a homewrecker.
2007-12-10 13:40:00 · answer #4 · answered by lahockeyg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This would not make you a home wrecker. He is the home wrecker by not being a part of your childs life. First, you made a big mistake by not putting his name on the birth cert. Second consult a lawyer. Your child is now going to have to have to have a paternity test since I am sure that this man is going to deny that he is the father... and it is going to cause a mess in your family for a while... but do not let this keep you from makeing this man pay for the child he had with you. Good luck and Happy Holidays!
2007-12-10 13:33:39 · answer #5 · answered by shadowsthathunt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To hell with Vinny. He has a responsibility if your daughter is his. And you have a devine right as her mother to make that known. When you have kids, your not supposed to think about him or yourself....she should be all that matters to you right now. My brother will most likely never know who his father is(he's a deadbeat druggy who beat my mother),and has never gotten a cs check in his life. I'm 20 years old and this affects me more than I can ever explain. It kills me that my mother isn't doing anything about it and i can only imagine how much it's going to continue to reak havoc on my brother's emotions....figure it out for your daughter's sake and stop thinking about if it will hurt poor poor vinny-he doesn't, care why should you?
2007-12-10 13:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by oohmuhgah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should have got him to pay official cs from the start and put his name on the birth certificate. he will now deny being the father and you have a long court battle in front of you when it could have been so simple,never listen to a man when he says he'll pay you cs underhand! good luck l hope it turns out ok for your daughters sake who has the right to a relationship with her father. He has messed up your life enough so why are you worried about his. Kick his a...e all the way to court xxx
2007-12-10 13:30:35 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're giving this guy way way too much slack. You don't want to mess up his personal life? He isn't your priority. His personal life is not your priority. Your daughter is your only priority. Do not let him walk away from his responsibilities just because you don't want to mess with his personal life.
That he only turns up to have a fling with you is all the more reason to hold him to the fire. And stop having flings with him. It does you no good.
It would not make you a home wrecker. It makes you a good mother.
2007-12-10 13:28:39 · answer #8 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To hell with Vinny. Go through the courts for CS..make sure Vinny gets a paternity test first to make sure you have the right guy. He doesn't deserve a break.
2007-12-10 13:23:51 · answer #9 · answered by radio80flyer 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Consult a lawyer and seek his advice after narrating full details.Vinit must be taught a lesson or two.That he is the father of the child can be proved quite easily nowadays.He has no escape.What bout the cost of child care and child upbringing and education?He has to pay for all these.
2007-12-10 13:39:24 · answer #10 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋