a friend of mine has a 10 month old son she recently confessed to me that she lied to everyone about who the father was and that it was actually her ex as appose to a one night stand she told everyone about.
she had the perfect opportunely to tell the guy he was a father a few weeks ago but she clammed up and couldn't tell him.
she is not a bad person, the guy is a jerk he treated her badly and now lives a few hundred miles away and i don't even know if he would be too interested with the child anyway.
but i worry that my friend is making the wrong decision not telling him, her little boy needs a father and even though the guy is a total jerk he still has the right to know he has a son, i know my friend doesn't want to tell him because she doesn't want to stress of having to deal with this guy being back in her life. how can i convince her she needs to tell him that he has a son.
2007-12-10 05:06:24 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Did he treat her badly as in beat her and stole money from her and whatnot? Or treat her badly as in cheated on her, dumped her after he got tired of sleeping with her etc? If he was an abuser and hit her and stuff then back off and let her make up her own mind. If he was just a terdface then yeah, he has the right to know.
Plus, if there are medical issues down the road she might need to know the fathers medical history.
2007-12-10 05:17:32 · answer #1 · answered by tzilt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand how someone would be able to keep this a secret. People are saying not to tell and everything. She is just as much to blame because the father has every right to know he's a father and the mother and father will have to at least act like adults in the interest of the child. If that cannot be done then your friend better get her butt to the courthouse because unless she files for custody she does NOT have custody regardless of what anyone will tell you here. I know for a fact because I did not file with my daughter because I didn't know I had to. I thought since she lived with me and her father hadn't shown any interest in her I'd have custody. WRONG. He finally ended up takiing her for an afternoon. That afternoon turned into two and a half years. I didn't see her in all that time. We had a hell of a tiime because he disappeared off the face of the earth. Nobody could help me because I didn't have LEGAL custody. She better start acting right and clear this up. Seriously, if she doesn't really sad and horrible things could happen. If the guy is a jerk then why sleep with him? I know, we ALL make mistakes, Lord knows I did! She has to be an adult and take care of this now before it causes her more pain than she's ever had. And pain for her child too.
2007-12-10 06:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has to tell., Him. just tell her to do it in a matter of fact way and arrange custody visits. she doens't have to be there. she can arrange a friend to be the go between if he is itnerested int hat so she enver even has to see him if he is interested in visitation. It is extremely common. happens all the time! butdescisions about childcare and where to go to school will be have to made together. how to raise and she CANNOT move out of state without notifying him unless he chooses to terminate parental rights! His sperm gives him aprental rights. THey decided to sleep together and THAT gives himt he right to this child. His personality does nto take that away as much as she wishes it could the only thing to do is to put the child first and obliterate the personal squabbles. there simply is no other option. it will eventually come out. Best wishes!
2007-12-10 05:17:13 · answer #3 · answered by KZ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Telling him could do one of several things - he could ask for a paternity test and then request visitation or customy OR she could then ask for child support which is the right of her son as well as the ability to know the biological father.
If I were you, I would stay away from telling or suggesting your friend to do anything. Be there to listen, not to advise. Because if something goes wrong, your friendship could end up in the toilet.
2007-12-10 05:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't convince her....you are right on all your accounts, if this were your life, but it isn't. She needs to make her own choices that she feels are right for her and her child. Your job as a friend is to support her decisions. Are you willing to take on the guilt; if this guy comes back into her life, hurts her or worse hurts the child, because it was you that told her this is what she should do? That is a big responsibility. And trust me, you think you know he treated her badly, then I bet you only got half the story therefore don't really know exactly how bad he treated her.
My best friend told me they fought a lot, she never told me that he beat the hell out of her all the time. I just told every one we didn't get along....I never told anyone that he called me names for forced himself on me and then spit on me. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE HER REALITY, you may only be given glimpses of reality. Be careful what you encourage your friends to do with their lives.
2007-12-10 06:11:16 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you can tell her what you said above. i totally agree.. he might be a jerk but he has the right to know he is a father... and if he is that a big jerk then he wont care, so your friend doesnt have to worry about him coming back. although if he does care when he finds out then it means he is not that a big jerk after all and he deserves a second chance if he wants to be close to his son.. good luck
2007-12-10 05:12:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her her son has a right to know who is real father is.
what happen if any medical conditions should arise what than???
what happens if the real father as a child with someone else and lets say for the sake of arguments he has a girl
and lets say his son(that he has no clue about) meets his daughter(that he does know about) meet when they are about 18 and fall "in love" than what???
2007-12-10 05:12:44 · answer #7 · answered by C 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're right about the little boy needing a dad, but the father does not NEED to be the dad... (it takes a boy to be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad.)
It's up to the mom of the kid, if she thinks it best for the father not to be part of her son's live, it more then likely is.
and if you think that the guy really won't care one way or the other, then why are you worried?
there are thousands of men out there that would take better care of not only your friend but her son as well.
let her do what she wants.
2007-12-10 05:36:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I say let her do it on her own time. See the thing is he will be back in her life for good after this. Just be there for her and let her know that you stand by whatever decision she makes no matter how long it takes her
2007-12-10 05:10:30 · answer #9 · answered by Debbie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can relate to this. Regardless of how she feels about this guy, he needs to know. Can you imagine going through life not knowing you have a child? Maybe this will be what this guy needs to get his life together. I think she should tell him.
2007-12-10 05:14:52 · answer #10 · answered by Bloom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋