Toddler Temper Tantrum?

Question

Well the fun has started.. my almost 14 month old throws temper tantrums. He gets frustrated if soemthing doesnt work right or if his push toy gets stuck on something, or I dont let him get his way on certain things. Like playing with the tv and dvd player, he constantly does it even tho i say no a million times. I keep removing him and explaining no don't touch and he just flips out and keeps going back.... this goes on 5-10 times then he gets upset and cries and hugs me. then i give him luvins and he calms down and we go play with something else. Anybody elses child do this?When he gets into something Then i let him cry and say too bad, i said no. Or you cant do that or whatever. Am i doing things right? Being a good mother? I ignore it to show that his actions will not be rewarded but also tell him No! that it wont be tollerated to a certain point.

Also I do not "reward" him by huggs when he is throwing a tantrum... that is when he finally gives in and realizes he cant have it or do it. He calms down and wnats me to reassure him its ok now.. thats how i feel? after that its all done with....its like a ok all done, u cant play with that, ok? Good boy... because he did calm down!

To the person who said i am the parent type that lets my child do whatever.. ur wrong but thanks... Hes 13months old hes still a baby he is just learning what dicipline is. And the other person, i do take action, i redirect him from it. And If he throws himself around I ignore it and if he gets real bad i Stop him. Hes 13m, he doesnt have a toy for me to take away lol... he could care less..Maybe when hes 2.

ALso, Thank you to the people who are being Supportive!!!

to the person who edited there answer... I was talkign about the rude people.. thanks!

Answer 1

First, some housekeeping. Make sure that you've child-proofed your house, not only for your child's sake but for your peace of mind. Electronics go out of reach, same with Grandma's china and anything else you value that you would be upset if you had to (or couldn't) replace. This will remove a LOT of frustration and conflict because you no longer have to keep him off-limits from these items in the first place.

Next - after the environment is secure, make sure that his needs are covered. Babies are naturally more frustratable if they are tired, hungry, wet, not feeling well, etc.. Take him away and handle that if that's the problem.

Now - If he's otherwise fine, and for the things you CAN'T move or that he gets to, hold both his hands firmly, look into his eyes and say "No - not for babies" and "That can hurt babies" or "That's Mommie's special". Keep it simple, but do explain. He will understand that you are trying to communicate with him and he will eventually understand what you are saying.

If he throws his head back or however else he throws his tantrum, immediately take him to his playpen or crib (somewhere safe where he can't hurt himself while throwing himself around), again say "No" (adding a finger shake here is helpful) and leave till he calms down. Return when he's calm - pick him up and praise him if he stays calm. But leave the INSTANT he starts the tantrum again. Repeat as needed, but he will quickly catch on that staying calm is his ticket to being out and exploring.

Good luck and keep your spirits up!!! It's a trying time, but very rewarding when Mom and baby understand each other. =)

Answer 2

Oh my gosh I have never seen so many ridiculous answers! Thankfully some of you are supportive!

I agree with everyone who says don't worry, you are doing a great job. My son is 14 months and is doing exactly what yours is doing! It was hard for me to understand at first as he went from a very calm, placid, easygoing baby to this robust little boy who gets easily frustrated and has little "tanties" (lays on the floor and buries his face and cries, or whinges a lot).

When he touches something he shouldn't (aren't those TV's a favourite?) I tell him no and take him somewhere else to play and lucky for me he usually forgets what he had been doing and becomes interested in something new. However it is a different story when it comes to wanting to have something his 2 year old brother has (they are already fighting!). It is really hard to distract him away from my older son, so when he goes back to take something from him again and again the discipline often comes from the 2 year old in the form of an almighty shove! Then my little one gets upset! I hope this is a phase...

Anyway, keep doing what you are doing. It is tiring with all the constant "no's" and distractions but it is the right thing to do. It doesn't sound like he is being rewarded when you hug him if you have been consistent and the undesired behaviour has already stopped and you have both moved on to something else afterwards. Ignore the negatives (as much as possible), teach him you really mean it when you say "no", distract his attention, and reward the positives. Exactly what you are doing. When he is a little older he will get it, right now he is still a baby and learning so much.

All the best!

(Mum of 2 and former early childhood teacher).

Answer 3

Some people who are replying have no idea what they are talking about. Sounds like your son is a "spirited" child. These kids are very easily frusterated and have difficulty expressing their emotions (especially in a socially acceptable way). The good news is, you can teach them. The bad news is it requires an immense amount of dedication, patience and perserverance. The days are long and on some of the tougher days, you will really need a break for your own sanity. (I speak from my limited experience.) I would describe my son as easily frusterated, not necessarily defiant. If you think that might describe your son, I recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Dr. R. Greene. I just picked it up at my library. It does a great job of explaining what is taking place in their brains when they are having those tantrums. The only thing is, I think the book is geared more toward elementary school-aged children, and didn't have much to say about infants/toddlers/pre-school aged kids. Still, I found it helpful. I would say that the biggest thing is to think of a concequence for whatever the issue is, then verbalize it to your son. First give him the chance to try to communicate what he needs. He's a little young, but maybe try to teach him one or two words, or sign language so he can communicate. "Help please" or "More" or whatever. If he's not able to listen, give a warning, then if he continues, say "if you continue, mommy is going to have to (take away your toy, etc.)". The biggest key to whatever strategy you use is to STAY CALM. This is the toughest part, but the most important. Find a way to keep your cool (easier said than done) and speak firmly yet lovingly to him. If he flips out beyond your ability to handle (my son would throw himself on the hardwood floor, which scared me) I would calmly take him up to his crib and say, "Mommy is putting you in your crib until you calm down." It's not that you don't want them to be frusterated, you want them to have a healthy way of expressing it. I think it's very difficult when these kids don't yet have the words for what they need or what they are feeling. My son started talking very early, and I found that the more words he had, the less frusterated he became because we worked on his using words to ask or tell me what he needed. Maybe your son will be the same! Good luck. Parenting isn't easy! Sounds like you are on the right track, though. You're not a bad mom. Oh, and while I do spank my son on occasion, I don't think that it's right to spank them when they are frusterated. It only makes things worse because they are being punished for not being able to express themselves. I think spanking should only be used for deliberate disobediance or something harmful like hitting or running in the street. But I don't think spanking would work for most of the situations your described. Just my 2 cents! Hope it helps.

Answer 4

You've already got a lot of good answers and it sounds like you're doing a great job. I just thought I'd add one more thing.
At that age, don't underestimate the power of redirection. At 14 months old children have such a short memory span that it is easy to distract them. After you have said, "No, don't touch," you might then say, "Would you like to come help mommy?" and find another activity that he can do. That may cut down on the 5-10 times that you have to go over the rules.

Answer 5

Temper tantrums are normal part of child development

Because they cannot do things for themselves and communicate effectively, they get frustrated

Not only that, they are testing situations and do not understand that they can't have everything and have their demands satisfied right now.

Distracting him with something else is a good idea -- their attention spans aren't that long either.

Sometimes we just need to understand from their point of view as they cannot fully express themselves.
There are useful information to understand and how to deal with other similar situations

Answer 6

if you've ever seen the show supernanny use her tips ...
1.get down to his level and give him a firm warning and tell him if he carries on doing whatever bad thing hes doing hes going on the naughty step.
2.if he carries on firmly put him on a step or in a corner ,for 1 minute per year of his age.
3.he will properly get up and go but you need to keep putting him back until he does his time,(this will properly take a long time but you need to be firm and consistant)
4.after he has done his time you need to get down to his level and ask him to say sorry ,then give him a hug and praise him for saying sorry.
this will work,you just need to be patient ,and dont let him win ,the naughty step or corner is ment to be a bad place not somewhere were he will mess around.remember your the parent.

Answer 7

Keep up the consistency. I always recommend the Happiest Baby and Toddler on the Block books. They're easy reads, plus give great tips for communicating and discipline at these ages, and how normal tantrums are and how to deal with them.

Sign language skills are always good to, as you said its frustration that causes these.

Answer 8

Youre doing GREAT! My son, who is 19 months old, is a tester beyond belief!! Right now, his favorites are buttons - on the tv, vcr, dvd player etc. Ive told him no more times than I can count. For me though, the key is to be consistant. And use that time out chair! Babies this age know and understand more than people give them credit for. Its about testing you -- not about really wanting what hes throwing the fit over.
Keep truckin girl! You and your son will get it soon enough!

Answer 9

Your son sounds similar to mine (14 months old.) They are just learning so much right now... he is learning how to test you, he is learning what actions get reactions, etc.

Just be firm, stand your ground, and be consistent. That is the best advice. That doesn't mean it will discontinue his tantrums, it just is advice as to how to get through them. You can't make him stop having tantrums, you just have to hold your own and don't give in.

My son throws tantrums when we're trying to change his diaper and clothes, he hates it. So the one thing that works for me, is I get really close to his face (hold his hands away gently) and in a calm loving but firm voice I say "its time to get dressed now" and then I stare at him for abit and he seems to get it. Then I only have 45 seconds to do what I need to do... but at least I know he is reacting to me, and he understands to be good for a short time then. :)

Answer 10

In my opinion, you are doing everything just right. You are being consistent. Yes, every child at this age does this to some degree. It's very frustrating when you can't figure out things, and hugging him is letting him know you understand and you are there for him. Just make sure you don't give in, and you stick to your guns... In fact, I have to say KUDOS to you, because many people get angry and start spanking at this age. I think you're doing a wonderful job, and you should stick to it! Just make sure you're consistent. And remember, at this age, it's his "job" to test the limits, with you and everything else. Good job Mom! Best of luck with you both!