Should parents help pay for a wedding for a child that has lived with her fiance for 2 years?

Question

my husband's daughter is 24 years old, out of the house for almost 4 years, and living with her boyfriend for 2 years. Been planning a wedding that has been postponed a couple times.....and still planning a wedding in 2008. She's asking for money......what should a parent do

Answer 1

its funny isn't it? some brides break all sorts of traditions in order to suit themselves, their style and their wants and if you say anything you get the standard response.
"i'm the bride, its my day, and i get what i want!" however no matter their age or their financial status this is one tradition they gladly cling to - making mum and dad pay! and if they don't pay then we'll elope! boy talk about emotional blackmail!
i think parents could help out to the best of their ability and if they don't have a lot of money then they don't, plain and simple.
in your case, if they are living together - planning, then postponing, then replanning their wedding i wouldn't want to give them money that would get lost in all the postponements. in fact i would tell them "this is how much money i am setting aside for your wedding. once you are married i will write you a cheque and you can use it how you wish, whether it is to pay wedding bills or purchase furniture or whatever, is up to you. but you get it after the wedding."
and then i would stick to that promise and not give them money til the deed was done. good luck with it all.
merry christmas!

Answer 2

My own parents are paying for my wedding next July. I have been living with my fiance for 3 years and am 23 years old. I will be 24 at the time of the wedding. I think if your husband can afford to help and wants to that's up to him. I was lucky in that I didn't even have to ask my parents, they just offered! I think it's a personal decision. My fiance and I were completely willing to wait until we could pay for it ourselves but the help is definitely nice. If your step-daughter is asking that he pay for the whole thing, that's a conversation that needs to be had, however if she's asking for help with smaller items perhaps you should leave it up to your husband whether he is going ot help or not. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

its tradition for the bride's family to help pay for the wedding. Although, if she has postponed it a few times, she needs to get her act together before your husband shells out the cash! I am 22, living with my fiance, planning a wedding in 2008 and my parents and aunt (who cant have kids) are helping to pay for my wedding. Its a nice thing that a parent can do for thier child., No matter how old she gets, she will always be your husbands little girl.

Answer 4

I am 25 and paying for my own wedding. I think if I needed help paying for our wedding, then I would only ask my parents for 1/3 of the cost. Which means either my fiance and I pay for the remaining 2/3 or his parents put in 1/3 of the expense.

She is your husband's daughter. I would set a limit though to what you both are willing to give to her. Tell her that you'll pay for the dress and flowers. Everything else she needs to pay. I only say this so that she doesn't feel that she can invite the whole world to her wedding and then reach her hand out to daddy asking for more money.

Answer 5

If you can afford to help, that would be very nice - but you are not obligated to do so. I agree that couples who are financially stable should at least plan to pay for most/all of their own wedding expenses and look at any financial contribution from parents as a generous gift. If she's asking you to pay for her whole wedding, that's a different story. It's beyond rude for people to demand that their parents pay for everything.

I don't think that her age and living arrangements should be the deciding factor.

Answer 6

You are under no obligation to pay for anything. Tell her to plan the wedding she and her fiance can afford themselves.
Then if you feel generous, perhaps you can give them some money towards a honeymoon.
Girls should never assume or expect her parents to pay for the wedding day. She needs to save and stay within her means if she wants an expensive dream wedding.
If she hadnt asked I would be more inclined to contribute towards the day, but being asked by a young lady who has been living out of home for 4 years.....well I think it is time for a reality check.

Answer 7

I'm guessing that you're a stepmother from the "my husband's daughter bit" and that's what I'm concerned about. My mother is a stepmother to my two older brothers, and if they ask my dad for something, and she negates it, and overrules his answer, she ends up looking like the evil stepmother.

I'm 25, have been out of the house for 5/6 years and I expect that my parents would want to pay for my wedding because I am their only child. I've also been living with my boyfriend for the past year. However, I don't expect them to. So if they give me some funds, I'll have a bigger wedding, if they don't, we'll elope. Or have a super tiny VIP wedding.

So basically, I think you need to be very careful how you approach this. You and your husband need to present a united front. If he says to her in private, "Oh I would love to pay for your wedding." And then he comes to you and tells you this, you're going to have two choices, either come off looking like the evil step parent or say yes, we'll gladly fund parts of the wedding. So you and your husband need to talk before either one of you talks to her. If you say "No, we won't pay for anything." you can always come back later and surprise her with a monetary gift to put towards the wedding. You also have to keep in mind your husband and his daughter's relationship-if she's always been daddy's little princess, you're going to have a hard time getting him to say no.

Keep in mind as well that she's probably asking her mom for money too, and perhaps you or your husband should speak with her on the matter as well.

I think you should sit down and hash it out all together. Ask her how much she wants/needs and go from there. That is, if you're willing to pay a bit towards it.

Good luck! :)

Answer 8

These days so many people pay for their own weddings. I am planning and paying for our wedding. I have not and will not ask my mom for money! His mom offered to pay for some (about $1000) if we do not have a destination wedding because she does not like to travel by plane and wants to be there for it. We had already decided before she said that, that we would stay home and have a beach wedding. But i think your step daughter should be able to foot the bill on her own and not expect you to pay for a wedding. If she wants to go by tradition then she shouldn't have moved in with him before getting married. (i'm not judging her, i live with my boyfriend and that is part of the reason why I dont expect anyone else to pay for it)

Answer 9

Traditionally the bride's parents pay for the wedding. I was living with my fiance for 2 years before we got married and my parents paid for everything penny of the wedding. I think it depends on what you can afford. She is your daughter and you love her and want the best for her, so if you can afford to help pay for her wedding then I would do so. I dont know why her moving out and living with her fiance would make a difference than normally paying for her wedding. If my father would have told us that they werent going to pay for a wedding we would have went off and gotten married and that way it wouldnt have costed us much and I think thats what a lot of people do now days.

Answer 10

If they're old enough and financially secure enough to maintain a household for the past couple of years, they should be old enough and financially secure enough to pay the majority of the wedding costs.

I would donate what you feel you can afford, but don't feel like you have to pay for the whole thing. It's a gift, not an obligation.

The idea of paying for the wedding was because the young couple were just starting out in the world and didn't have any finances to draw on.