Is it wrong of me to not want a bridal shower anymore?

Question

As some of you know, im having two, one for where i live now with my fiance's family , and one for my hometown (my family)

my maid of honor and my future mother in law keep calling me with details and asking me questions and stuff..they have each others numbers but keep calling me.

I told my maid of honor if money was an issue didn't have to do it as i don't really have to have one...well money is an issue and im afraid i have to shell out money for this and im worried about far more important things than gifts lol

i have to get my birth certificate, my passport (which will probably have to be expidited at this point, some money for my other vendors)
I have tiny little anxiety attacks at work, no one knows but me because I can feel it and im going insane :(

someone help me with some calming words

Answer 1

Hi.

Take a breather!!! Have some egg nog! ha...

Why would you have to shell out any money? YOU are the guest of honor! I take it that it is your soon to be mother-in-law AND your MOH doing the 1 shower together?

Tell them to make it real simple. Where I live, everyone hates games...and if you do have games, the gifts do NOT have to be expensive....some shower/bath gel from Bath & Body Works, etc. are great gifts! Have a simple salad, casserole (quiche?) and some rolls.

Or...simple finger sandwiches and fruit and veggie trays.

I helped my daughter with a shower for her friend and we had it at 2 p.m. and we simply had some desserts like brownies, lemon bars, cheese cake bars, cofee and punch! Easy! It doesn't need to be a full meal if they cannot afford it. And YOU should not have to contribute!

So....give them these suggestions and hopefully they will take charge and quit bugging you!

Yes, you SHOULD BE excited about your shower. Everyone deserves to have a shower...it was one of my favorite parts of my whole wedding experience!

Answer 2

You ARE allowed to screen your calls. That means don't answer the phone - and let people leave messages. Let them have the panic attacks - not you.

Here. Put this on your voice mail and answering machines.

Hi you've reached . We can't come to the phone right now but someone promises to return calls as quickly as possible, so please leave a message. Thanks. Bye-ee.

You need to get your passport and birth certificates pronto. there's a backlog of applications.

As for money being an issue - sit down with MOH and go over the budget. Explain to her that what YOU want - and what you'll agree to - is an event where people have a great time - but the budget isn't broken - or even bent. You're absolutely right - there are more important things than gifts. So if the bridal shower is getting too expensive, I would put my foot down and demand that it be held at your apartment where you will serve delivery pizza and soft drinks.

Answer 3

Just BREATHE.

I know exactly how you feel because I went through something similiar and trust me - all of us wives and brides-to-be have as well.

Tell your maid of honor and future mother-in-law how you feel. You're stressed out and you'd appreciate it if they just talked to each other about the plans instead of calling you. You have enough to worry about as it is and your mother in law should know that already.

If money is an issue and they start asking you for it, simply tell them that you can't. It's not YOUR job to pay for your bridal shower when they are the ones throwing it. If they need money, they should ask your bridesmaids to pitch in a little. A bridal shower isn't a lot of money anyway... you obviously don't care if it's fancy or not so they don't need to spend money on decorations or tons of food. Some drinks and one or two appetizers is enough.

Feel better and try not to stress.

Answer 4

the bridal shower is NOT yours to pay for or to plan. In fact, it is very bad ettquette to plan. Tell your maid of honor and everyone else that you are getting very stressed out from the planning and you are supposed to be worrying about the big day, not the shower. Tell them to hold a pot luck lunch or something to help with the money issue! Tell them that the bridal shower is thier thing to plan and to call each other and not you. You know, Ive been to several bridal showers where they had punch, a big, cheap sheet cake and maybe a sandwhich ring from a deli so it realy doesnt have to be a big thing! Seriously, they are trying to help but are only causing problems. This is your maid of honors responsibility, tell her to take control!

Answer 5

Tell your MOH & MIL to leave you out of the shower planning or just don't do one. You are not planning or paying for your own shower. If it is too much trouble or too expensive then tell them you don't want one. You shouldn't ve involved in that anyway. You can get your birth certificate pretty easily by calling the municipality where you were born. Large cities are easier (like NYC you can do all online) , but it may just mean a trip down to town hall, or a letter with money and identifying info included. You can start on the web by looking up vital records for the town you were born in.

Take a deep breath, get your fiance off his butt and put him to work! Relax it will all work out. *hugs*

Answer 6

You are right and they are wrong. People that offer to host you a shower should be able to afford it on their own. You' re the guest of honor and you are not obligated to contribute to the shower.

I understand that you are in a bind and that it's a sticky situation since they are family, but by all means tell them that you really appretiate their efforts and that they are very sweet for wanting to throw a shower for you, but you do not want to make them incur in any extra expenses as the wedding is already expensive for everyone involved and you really want to be considerate.

If they insist, tell them that all that you would like is a intimate family get together and you do not want anything fancy or out ofthe ordinary (games, food, invited etc.) and that a simple coffee and dessert get together with a handful of family members at home is something that is affordable on anyone's budget.


Good luck

Answer 7

A shower can be entirely inexpensive, and it should be entirely planned by the hostesses. The bride doesn't have to do anything but show up.
Tell them to surprise you, that you will be happy with whatever they want to do, any way they want to plan it. Then keep it true: smile and thank them a lot no matter where they have it and what they serve.
If they are fretting about how to pay for it because they want to throw a fancier party than they can afford, you need to put this one right back on them to settle. If they're ashamed to have the party they can afford, then they shouldn't have one at all.

Answer 8

No one should have to pay anything for their own shower. Tell them that they can do something simple-maybe a pot luck, so that way you can celebrate and no one has to spend too much money on food. Decorations can be cheap if they are needed at all. They just need to get creative. If that doesn't work for them, just let them know you don't have the $ to chip in and you would really love it if they could consult each other instead of you with the details because you're getting a bit stressed out. This is a time for you to be happy! (Congrats!)

Answer 9

Everything has a way of working itself out. You need to handle the "low hanging fruit", meaning the things that can most easily be handled. Call your MOH and MIL and tell them that, while you would like to help, that you just have too many things going on and that they will have to handle the rest of the showers on their own. That's that. You can get your birth certificate overnighted to you. I had to get mine last month and I ordered it on a Friday and received it by Tuesday. Cost me $20 but it was done. The passport you will just have to deal with, I'm not looking forward to dealing with it either. Handle the first two issues so you can focus on that one. Take it one thing at a time. Everything will be fine.

Answer 10

Families and friends sometimes have a habit of making wedding planning very stressful on the bride. I had to cancel my wedding shower due to an illness in the family, and my SIL's left it all to me (sending out cancellation notices, etc.). It was very frustrating to finally get everything back together, and everyone was pushing me in 50 different directions. Unfortunatly, this is par for the course when planning weddings in a lot of families.

You should not have to pay anything for your shower, and they should know better. If they are causing you too much stress, then tell them so. They may not even realize they're doing it to you. I finally told my family to leave me out of everything....and when they did I was able to concentrate on other tasks that I was supposed to be paying attention to.