First of all this man is my uncle, my deceased dad's brother. Before he even moved in with my mom he overnighted me a very nasty letter and then expects me to like the situation. Next he moved in with my mom, who is on a limited income due to disability, and chose not to work for a whole year allowing her to support him! In the end he decided to attempt suicide and he was forcably moved out after that. I reccenlty found out they are seeing each other again and sneaking around! I have already told my mom if she were to ever see him again I and my family would not be a part of her life anymore. It is not because I do not want her happy but how uncomfortable we are when he is around. I want her to be happy but I hate the secrecy. What do you think about me distancing my family from this man? (I do not think he is mentally or emotionally stable)
2007-12-10 04:15:28 · 8 answers · asked by Mellisa J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Family comes first.
I once chose someone over my family and almost lost my kids due to it (they wouldn't have anything to do with me). That was many-many years ago. Personally, relationships are very difficult to begin with and without the support of family when times get rough they have no foundation in which to succeed and prosper.
I would never date someone my family didn't approve of. IF this man was the right one for your mother, then #1 they wouldn't be sneaking around. Your mother doesn't sound emotionally stable herself-and is very lonely try to talk to her and reason with her....if she is a woman of substance, she will make the right decision. Praying for your mother wouldn't hurt either.
Sometimes kids just don't like anyone mom or dad date and that is the sad truth too. I have been there too many times. If this man was stable in more ways than one, good for your mother then it would be a different story. You don't want to see your mom get hurt but she will eventually if she allows this freeloader to continue to hang around.
But remember too....we as parents cannot continue to give everything to our kids (even if they are grown with families of their own) without cheating ourselves out of happiness. Make sure your reasons to not like him are true.....you don't have to have him around BUT whatever you do, do not use your kids as bait to control your mother as it will push her further away, it will destroy your kids and you in the end.
Be honest with your mother and supportive of her. Do not yell at her or treat her as the child, but show her respect and point blank ask her why she likes him so much. She just may suprise you with her answers and in the long run-you two will be building a stronger relationship....hopefully one day you will not have to go through it when your kids are grown.
2007-12-10 04:49:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be reaching out to this particular man because he is your dad's brother and it somehow either reminds her of him or shares memories of him. I agree, he's a bad influence and sounds unstable. You can let your mom know that you know that she's still seeing him, and that you're afraid for her because he's unstable. Then be there to support her; it's going to take her some time to realize what a loser he is. If you and the family shut her out, she'll only be more dependent upon him.
2007-12-10 12:25:18 · answer #2 · answered by justme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is using your mother for a free ride....maybe he thinks that your dad left her some $$$ and wants get his hands on it...
Been There Done That......I dated a man who I found out later that he was only with me for the $$$.....as soon as he found out that I didn't have as much as he thought he bailed.
2007-12-10 12:21:35 · answer #3 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say go ahead and do what you feel is best for you and your family then let her alone as in don't talk about it. This is her life and she's gotta live it. You could try having her visit you and your family without him. This way they still get to see grandma without having to see grandma's boyfrined
2007-12-10 12:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by Beauty1529 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a grown woman and so is your mother. Let her live her life, and you live yours. Do not hold your children hostage as punishment because you don't like your mothers choices. Make sure she is welcome in your home, you don't have to invite him in, its your home.
2007-12-10 12:31:35 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you!!!! If you can't stop your mother, you don't need to sit and watch!!!
2007-12-10 12:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by madsmaha1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down and talk to your mum slowly and seriously .........
2007-12-10 13:07:59 · answer #7 · answered by aunt_webby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do it. take some charge
2007-12-10 12:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by rachel r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋