I have a huge problem with my family! HELP!!!!?

Question

I hate my mom .Why? Because it's a never ending battle of aguments ..Nothing I do is right. It;s never good enough for her and she goes to the extreme with punishments and (becuase we have help from our "case workers") when she tell stories I swear she makes it sound 10 times worse then it really is... and my brother could get away with murder..yes I know he younger so i knwo that ordeal but its ridiculious..If i forget to undload the dishwasher I get my phoen taken away.... but GOD FORBID that brother even do chores..he never gets chores..and when he gets a very small easy task he whines about until I end up doing it any way..she won't listen to me about it being fair and she complains that we never do chores unless its a punishment or were brided but its not like I can go out and hangout with my friends ever. They always have to come over to my house because I am obvious gonna do something wrong..my mom has serious issues with trusting me..if I screw up even a little bit. Help plz!

Answer 1

Ok. Trimming off the teenage angst from your question it's basically this, you feel you're doing more than your own weight and you get punished when you can't pull all the weight.

You've got two issues, one with your mother and one with your brother.

Your brother, the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is GET OVER IT. Life is not going to be fair, if your mother is not going to see the faults in your brother (this is her son, a lot of parents have son issues where they don't see the faults) then stop telling her his faults. Let her see them in her own time. If you ruin her illusions about her son, she'll only be bitter toward you. Your brother is not you. You need to focus on you.

Ask her politely to clarify your chores, what she wants done in a week or daily from only you. You need to write them down as a checklist (a to-do list) each evening and then do them and check them off as you finish them. If you have a list and you follow it you'll never forget and she'll never be able to say you didn't do them. Only do your chores. These chores are your responsibility, your brother's are his. If he doesn't do them that will be his fault, by doing his chores when he whines you're showing him that whining until someone does it for him is an acceptable way of getting through life.

Keep a journal and write in it daily, a journal is a great way of getting out emotions that can get stuck inside you and then come out in a negative way (like getting in fights with your mom). A journal is the most basic form of therapy.

It really sounds like your family could benefit from councilling, because it sounds like you don't express your emotions to each other in a positive way.

Try and be patient with your mom. By the sounds of her compliants she's feeling unappreciated. Next time she does something (like make dinner) say thank you. Keep saying thank you when she's done something for you, no matter how small. When you're doing your chores, if that's how you get paid allowance, perhaps skip your allowance a couple of weeks and tell your mom that you do your chores because you know it helps her and you want to keep the house tidy. Or if you don't want to do that, hand back your allowance one week if you know it's been a tough week for your mom and ask her if it's enough to have something special for dinner, like take-out so she doesn't have to cook.

Your family is a team and if no one wants to be a team player, you should step up as a leader and help your family become a team again.

Answer 2

Can you get a clear list (on paper) of chores that you are expected to do. Might also be a good time to ask if there are things you could do to earn some extra cash. I had a dirty job jar for my kids. Regular chores and self-care were just part of the deal---but the dirty job jar was for jobs none of us cared for and they were worth $3-$5 ea. Get your focus off that little brother of yours. He'll be using his charm and his whining to get his own way for a long time to come and its a bigger curse than being the first born.....anyhow you need each other. Decide today to stop keeping score and see if you focus on YOU and your part in all this if it helps. Do you have an aunt, a friend a close relative who can help you sort this out? Sounds like mom is under a lot of stress, especially if there is a case worker coming to the house---some of her spouting may not be at all about you. A trusted confident can help you vent and get some perspective. If you dont know anyone....ask at your local church youth group...they can give you good resources. Good luck, God Bless.

Answer 3

Are you the oldest? It sounds like it. I am too, and while my mom wasn't as bad as yours, she was still overbearing and treated me with less trust, and like I was the kid that would ALWAYS screw up. I have a little bro too, and its like he's an angel. He'll yell at her if she even asks him to anything, if I yelled I'd be in so much trouble. The thing is older children are treated this way, expected to take on more responsibility, while the younger siblings seem to get away with it all. I wrote it down on paper for my mom and outlined exactly how see makes me feel and examples of how she hurt me. I would try that...she can't argue with paper...it doesn't talk back.

Answer 4

1) Be nice to your Mom and smile.
2) Write down your list of chores and do each and cross off the list.
3) Be helpful around the house and helpful to your Mom.
4) Your chores doesn't have anything to do with your brother.
5) Your life will greatly improve if you do these things. I know. I'm 25 and know just how you feel. My aunt told me this advice 10 years ago and it worked! Good luck!

Answer 5

sorry to hear all this.
Have a sit down with your mother when neither of you can be distracted by other things. Just you two. Calmly explain to her how you feel and that you love her and that you really want to help her. Ask her what she expect out of you, and a list of the things she needs done.
But really what you need is some alone time with your mom to bond again.
You have to transform from her KID, to her Daughter.
Go shopping with her.
Go get an ice cream or coffee and sit and talk about things you like.
I dont hear anything about a father, so I think that your mother may be under high pressure herself with her life and you being the one thing she can control, may take it out on you more.

Answer 6

This is the classic story of older sister younger brother. How do I know? I'm living it!! I have a little brother, and when I read your entry, it was like reading my biography...
I think parents tend to be more protective of the younger sibling, and harder on the older sibling. If you call them out on it, they'll just assmue you're JEALOUS.
When I get fed up with family, I like to kind -of dive into my own world. I'm a writer, so I keep a journal. I like to go out to starbucks or to the movies...You'll most likely not be able to change your family, so try to get out of the house and enjoy yourself when things get too crazy.

Answer 7

Can you find a way to talk to one of your "case workers" one-on-one?

If so, say that you really think your family could use some family counseling. Explain that you're tired of the constant conflicts, and would really like to work things out to be less conflicty.

Answer 8

So stop screwing up. Stop causing your mother to have to use desperate measure to get you to act right. You are old enough to know you are manipulating the situation, so just stop being a burden and start being an example for your brother.

Answer 9

Well one day you will move out that miserable home and be set free. Sounds like your mom does not appreciate you. If I can, I will adopt you and be your godparent. Anytime you need to run away there is a place for you to crash. Lol..but that is not going to happen..sad.. Unless you are my neighbour you are welcomed anytime.

Answer 10

There are some relevant answers, but it would be very helpful to know your age.