I lost weight and my family members are rude?

Question

I resently lost a noticeable amount of weight. Every time I attend a family gathering my reletives say out loud where everyone can hear, "You look great you've gotten skinny!" or something like that. I think it is rude because I don't like to talk about my weight in public. I don't want the focus to be on how much I weigh or what I look like in a dress. I don't like to have everyone looking at me! What should I do? Do you agree that it is rude? The worst part is they use the excuse that they are giving me compliments! I don't care if it's compliments I think it is a personal issue!

Answer 1

i think they just try being nice. don't take it too personally. Relatives are like that don't worry

Answer 2

When I worked on holiday narrowboats, we sometimes had a bit of bother with regular sized Americans. They would get stuck in the john, and it would take half a pound of butter and some serious wobbling to set them free. The doors leading out from the dining area had to be removed. Narrowboats can only be seven foot wide, so all the facilities have to be squeezed in somehow between the guests. I believe that regular size Americans become large size at 300lb (about 140 kg or just over 21 stone). There was an episode of The Simpsons once which explained that. Homer was trying to get up to this weight to qualify for a Government grant and preferential treatment at work. I don't know what is considered Jumbo size, but your cousin has probably a bit further to go for that. Maybe the kindest way to bring this up is to buy for her a special supersized comfy chair, which you ceremonially bring in for meals. If you get to that size, there is probably more wrong with her than a diet and exercise can sort out. If you are really worried, maybe a chat with her parents or a close sibling would help you get a closer idea of the situation. They should be able to tell you the correct banter to use. Hippos and elephants are both superb swimmers. Maybe that would be a way to tone her body?

Answer 3

I went through the same thing as you did when I lost 40 lbs. All my relatives would say, oh wow you were SO fat before and now you look great! Just comments like that in general in front of everybody. At first I thought it was rude, but then I realized their intention isn't to be rude but it's their way of complimenting me, and my family is very vocal. I learned to embrace and take it with a stride, because you know what? I DO look skinny and I do look 100 times better now and I don't care if everybody knows. That said, we are all different, so if you still want to keep it private, all you can do is say thank you but I really don't like talking about it in front of everyone. I'm sure they'll understand.

Answer 4

You sound crabby. How did you lose the weight? If you are over exercising and not eating right, could be why you are so irritable. But if you're doing everything right, and you are the type of person who doesn't like people making comments about the way you look, even if it's positive, then hold a big family meeting and stand up there and tell everyone not to comment on your appearance anymore, that you find it very rude. That's the only way you can get it to stop and all at once. Then, be prepared, most of your family will find you very rude.

Answer 5

I'm sure they mean it as a true compliment and want only to help you feel good about yourself. Most people, when they work hard to lose weight, are happy that people notice and think they look good. Isn't that the point of it?
If your weight is a personal issue to you, simply say "thanks" and move the conversation on to other things. I'm sure, as family members, they do not realize that this is something personal that you do not wish to discuss with them. You can't be angry with them for not reading your mind!

Answer 6

If I lost a great amount of weight I'd be PROUD and GLAD that they noticed the difference!

They ARE giving you compliments and you should feel GOOD that they are complimenting you.

You could always explain to them you would like them to keep their voices down when they compliment you.

Answer 7

It is a personal issue, and some people just don't know how to give a compliment, coming across as rude. Some may be jealous and rude as well. You could always come back with, "It certainly has boosted my self confidence, you should try it too!"....

Answer 8

They mean it as a compliment, they do not mean to be mean. They probably don't realize you consider it to be so private - most people who loose weight love to hear that and talk about, too. So they can't know it's a problem for you unless you actually tell them. So no, not rude, because not intended to be hurtful in any way.

Answer 9

I don't think it's rude at all, and more importantly, I think your family is trying to give you a boost, not hurt you. You need to learn to take a compliment in the spirit in which it is offered. Instead of yoru unfortunate reaction, can't you just say, yep, thanks for noticing! It seems the weight loss hasn't had any effect on yoru poor self-image. That's a shame.

Answer 10

I understand your embarassment at the backhanded compliments, but they are indeed complimenting you on your hard work at losing weight and telling you how good you look, so just say a brief thank you and change the subject.

Answer 11

i completely agree with you...the problem is is that they dont see it the way we do and it's not a sensitive topic for them...they dont have that personal side of it, they are just pointing out something they are noticing without any intentions of hurting or offending you, even though it does...just try to see it from their view i guess and that should help a little...if you feel uncomfortable, tell them about it in a rational voice (no fights)