crazy fam?

Question

I've been in a relationship with this GREAT woman thats younger than me by 5+ years for almost 2 years. Shes smart, she attend Northwestern University Grad school. shes funny and more importantly shes CHRISTIAN. I'm currently in the army reserves stationed in Iraq for most of our relationship. I'm coming home for 2 weeks for vacation then I go back. My family HATES her and send her emails and phone calls threaten her to stay away because they think she's a golddigger. personally I dont think she is but I have been paying her bills like rent and utilty bills which isnt cheap in Evanston IL. I'm very close to my family I have 5 sisters and 4 brothers all older then me. I love my family and I respect their opinion about things. She tells me I should check them about what they are doing to her. I have in small ways but how do you tell your bros- sisters. thats old enough to be your mom and dad to back off? or are they right to be concerned?

Answer 1

They will be concerned you are their family and of course they willexpress their opinions. You need to talk to them that this is a choice you are making and you understand the consequences but they need to treat her nicely because you love this person and it hurts you that they are being cruel. If they are decent people they will try to accept this and stop. Do they have a good reason for being upset? Such as do they know something about this women that they think is wrong but aren't telling you? You need to ask them what their reasons are for treating her this way. Not that it matters because you are your own person and do what you want but it might help all of you understand better. Good luck family can be wonderful but a pain sometimes!
PS
Thanks for putting your life out there for all of us!

Answer 2

I'm sorry your family is choosing to be so childish and unsupportive of you while you are serving our country overseas. This is the very last thing you need. Your g/f seems to be handling this maturely if she is telling you to talk to them about what they are doing instead of badmouthing her. She obviously needs to delete mail and not take the calls, no one needs to be threatened.

I guess you need to do two things. Examine why you are paying her bills. Both my daughters are in grad school and both worth multiple jobs to live independently, one even owns a house. We don't live all that far from you, so cost of living isn't going to be much different. I guess in the same circumstances, I would ask why you are supporting a grown woman who is not your wife or your child, and why she would allow it. A Christian woman would not take money from a man who isn't her husband or family member. I'm not judging her, but I would want to know why she is doing it.

The other thing you have to do is tell your brothers and sisters that you are a grown man, your decisons are your own, and while you appreciate their concern, they are not your parents and they need to back off. Tell them you do not need this on your mind in Iraq. Ask them respectfully to knock it off.

As a mom, I have to say something isn't right here. If you were my child, I would be advising you to ask alot of questions of this girl and see if it makes logical sense to you. I'm afraid just from your question and the personal experience of having two daughters in Grad School right now, that I feel you are being taken advantage of. I hope I am wrong, but if I am, she should be able to prove me wrong.

Good luck, Merry Christmas, and thank you for your sacrifice to our country. Blessings and come home safe.

Answer 3

Tell them to send the emails to YOU and leave her be. That way they know you respect their concern and are willing to listen. Take it slow. Our families can see things we cant, especially when we are in love...and your situation is compounded with being away from home a lot. Its great that you are close to your family. Unfortunately, everyone else is older than you, so they have been through some hurts of their own and it sounds like they want to protect you. We all have to find our own way. All the best to y ou.

Answer 4

why do they know the arrangement you have with this woman to begin with? why is it their business? if u trust her and are in a long term committed relationship, why is anyone else's opinion that important. in the future don't tell people your financial situations as it leads to this kind of bs. yes, u do need to tell your family to back off, its not their business and they have no right to contact her regarding this matter.