they were completely disrespecting the house and using drugs? The child is 19yrs old. Please tell me your experience? As a mom who wants to kick their kid to the curb? what other options does a mom have?
2007-12-10 02:08:01 · 9 answers · asked by kakeydec 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have not had this experience, but am a parent. If I had a 19 year old child who was disrespecting house rules and using illicit drugs, I would inform that child that were the door was. By letting them violate my standards and expectations, I would be "enabling" that child to continue on with their inappropriate behavior. So, in a real sense, you would be doing your child a greater disservice by condoning their behavior and allowing them to stay in your home under those same conditions.
I would allow the child a choice: Either they obey my conditions, which are not unreasonable, or that can choose to live on their own. It would be their choice and they would be free to make it.
If they choose to leave, I would make it clear that they would always be welcome again, even live with me again, provided their follow the expectations.
The real world is full of rules and expectations. If they cannot learn to abide with them at home, how can they do it in the real world. Give them an opportunity to learn that. Even if it means going to jail. Some lessons of live may take that.
2007-12-10 02:20:59 · answer #1 · answered by Kerry 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am a single mom with 3 kids, however they are not old enough to do any of this yet. But I myself was an awful teenager growing up and my mother was a single mom so I can speak from that aspect.
You do need to stay strong and let them know that there are those few important wishes you have, and they need to respect them or they won't be allowed to stay. Beings that your child is 19, in all honesty they are of legal age and should be in the process of making it out on their own anyhow.
However depending on the issue with drugs & how severe it is, you may want to seek treatment for them. True, they won't be happy now, but it is the best thing you could do & they will understand that soon enough. Not only that but if you were to consider an alcohol/drug treatment option, it could be an in-patient type program and therefore they would be out of the home getting the help needed and will solve both of the issues here.
I know that when my mom was trying to do what was in my best interest, I thought she was simply being mean and unfair. I didn't always like her the most then, but now I completely understand why she did some of the things she did.
Lastly, if you let your child walk all over you, they will not respect you as much as if you were to do what you know need be done, regardless of how they will feel now.
Good Luck! And hang in there, it won't be easy, but you'll get through it and everything will work out I'm sure of it.
2007-12-10 02:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Child 2 could take care of the house functions to help pay her way. Cleaning and cooking would not be unreasonable at all. Child 1 does need to contribute by helping with the food bill, utilities and cleaning his own room. $300 to $400 a month would be a good place to start, depending on your cost of living. You are raising two "freeloaders" that have absolutely no responsibilities; therefore do not have to function as maturing adults. It is time that you and your husband prepared them to be on their own by making them accept some of the responsibilities around your house.
2016-05-22 11:29:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not in your shoes, but I can see this situation from a third party perspective. My brother-in-law uses drugs and drinks almost daily. His mom lets him live at home. Because of her allowing him to live there he has more money for his addictions because he doesn't have to pay any bills. I can't say that it is easy to consider askinig your child to move out, but I'm seeing the alternative. My b-in-l is just getting worse. I don't want anyone else to have to go through this...good luck and my prayers are with you!
2007-12-10 02:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by *Almost ready* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes tough love is the best love of all. Your adult child will probably be upset but eventually, once they see how difficult the real world is, he or she will realize how great things were at home.
Its hard to let go sometimes but allowing your child to do drugs in your home and disrespect your place may be doing more harm than good for him/her. Seeing the real world and how hard it is to survive is an eye opening experience.
Tell your child that you love him and try some tough love. In my opinion, it will pay off in the future.
2007-12-10 02:21:17 · answer #5 · answered by MzGil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my mom is going through just about the same thing. only thing is my brother is 17, he will be 18 in June,and my dad can't wait to kick him out.
He's been getting into alot of trouble. ever since they gave him a car,cellphone and computer ...he thought he was so grown.
the key word is GAVE. my thing is work and buy your own car, cell phone and computer. it he had have worked for them, then he have more respect for them. he shouldn't have been given anything.
He needs some tough love. Make him work, show him the real world.
Hang in there.
2007-12-10 02:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by Karamablk_momof3 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See that's funny, because I go to school, I go to work, and I don't do any of those things, and yet I'm on the verge of being kicked out for no reason at all. I say hell yeah, kick them out.
2007-12-10 02:15:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i know its hard to tell one of your kids to get out...but you can simply tell them if they don't straighten up....that they know where the door is...
make new rules...it is still your house.... such as:
1 if you are living here you are going to start paying rent.
2. house cleaning (chores)
3. get a job.
4. stop the drugs
5.etc
your kid will try to fight it and say they dont have to because they are grown.
but if they pull that card ,simple tell them they are right,so they need to start acting like one.
you shouldnt baby them all there life. tell them if they dont want to go by the new rules...that you will have no chose but to kick them out.
it wont hurt them to learn what it is like to take care of them selves a lil bit
"what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"
good luck
2007-12-10 02:23:44 · answer #8 · answered by voney w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that as long as they live in your house then they have to follow your rules.. adult or not.
So stick to your guns...they can live at your house and respect your household rules or they can move.
It's that simple...
Call the cops if there's illegal substances in your home.
It's your home, enforce your rules.
Good luck.
2007-12-10 02:24:11 · answer #9 · answered by Kaybee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋