My 4 year old son has started pre-k 2 years in a row. Should I take him out???

Question

Last year he was in a special needs class as he has a speech delay. However, by October he was showing severe stress signs that he was unable to handle the environment and I took him out. This was a voluntary program and he received speech at a private office after. This year he is in a regular prek class in the school and receives speech at school but he is now crying at night and in the morning saying he does not want to go to school. He is super smart (he can already do simple addition and spelling) and behaves very well at school even receiving a school award for being super in class. He has a sibling in a close room and sees neighbor kids during the day. He tells me the teachers yell but in my experience all teachers probably do at some point especially in the younger ages. My idea is that he is probably not comfortable here as he follows the rules and would rather just learn and play then cause problems and get in trouble which is what I see the other kids doing. takeout??

remember, this is a 3/4 year old, he didn't know that I "took him out" He simply thought the school year ended. Society has been conditioned to expect kids to be adults at younger ages each year. I remember when kids didn't start school until 5 y/o maybe 6, and then kindergarten was 1/2 day. Kids mature more each year and if keeping him out 1 more year for him to mature is healthy and benificial, then it is something to be considered. At what point after all efforts are made do I just let him cry all night and all morning and be miserable all day when I can give him another year of loving and safe environment at home and maturity. I'm a firm believer that our brains mature at different stages to be able to handle different situations. He may not be ready. That simple. He has 3 siblings so he is learning at home the basics of sharing and caring and we do social stuff too. I don't believe this is a manipulation on his side, as he has been fine most of the time until now.

Answer 1

If he is showing signs of stress and is not enjoying this experience, you are wise to consider alternatives, such as taking him out. This is not like yanking him out of the 3rd grade. He is 4 years old, and as you pointed out, kids in the "olden" days (and still in Europe) often don't start school until they're 7. He's getting the speech therapy he needs, and he is being intellectually stimulated at home. For now, I think that's enough. There is no need to force him to go to school this early if he hates it. At this point, he is supposed to love school.

Also, the teachers shouldn't be yelling all the time. If they do, they probably don't have control as they should. When you ask little kids (and even as old as 8), about their teachers, they should first think of someone nurturing and nice. If the first thing they mention is yelling, there's something wrong.

You will not go wrong by taking him out. People think that by not sending their kids to school at 3 that they're doing them a disservice. This just isn't true. Starting out kids so that they learn to dread school is a disservice. You know your child best, and I'd go with your instincts.

(My sister took her 2nd child out of pre-k for many reasons less compelling than yours. Her daughter was intelligent, but simply didn't want to go to school yet. She wanted to stay home with her mom and baby brother and have fun. So my sister took her out, and this little girl went on to have a very successful grade school experience and is now a freshman in college. My sister has no regrets.)

Edit: I totally agree with you about kids being ready developmentally at different times. I have b/g twins and see this all the time. One twin was ready for certain activities and the other wasn't. Early on, we were concerned and then we finally realized that this wasn't a problem. Simply because one of them was ready and the other wasn't just meant that our children were different. And the same goes for all children.

Many schools teach reading starting at 4 or 5. Many, many kids simply aren't developmentally ready that early. They struggle early on and get discouraged. Some schools don't even attempt to teach reading in earnest until kids are 7. What they have found is that at this point, kids are incredibly excited about learning to read. They are almost all ready at this point, and pick it up very quickly. So you see, just starting an activity early does not guarantee earlier success.

Answer 2

From the answers I've seen so far, I have a different perspective. My son started preschool last year, and is currently in his second year. He LOVES it. However, like yours, mine has a speech delay. Instead of placing him in the regular pre k program at the elementary school, we decided to put him in the MRDD preschool. Next year when he goes to kindergarten, he will be at the regular school. A lot of parents don't realize that just because the child starts out at MRDD they can still attend 'regular' school in kindergarten or earlier, if you like. My son has a small class, there's 8 kids, so he gets along with everyone, and has so much fun at school, its hard to keep him home when he doesn't have school.

You may want to look into this option. They work with the kids a little more, and its a better environment in my oppinion. My son goes to speech therapy 3 times a week, right at school, and he loves it. I would see about transferring him before you just take him out completely. However, talk to him. He's 4, ask him if he has a best friend, girlfriend, if he likes his teacher, etc. also ask him what he doesn't like, if he's being teased, if there's a "mean kid" in his class he can't get along with. Talk to him about why its good to go to school, and that he's supposed to have fun. If you do take him out, however, and mind you, nobody knows your child better than you and what's best for him, get him enrolled in something. If its daycare 3 days a week, or something he's interested in, just something so that he has to get away from you.

Depending on when his bday falls, you may be able to prolong kindergarten an extra year. look into maybe 3 day a week pre k even. he may not be ready for the day to day.

Answer 3

i'd try some other steps first. pre-k is good practice for kindergarten, where he will have to face the same issues. i'd start by talking to the teachers and letting them know about the crying, etc. Maybe he's being teased? Maybe something else is going on that the teachers can shed light on. Can you invite some of his classmates over for playdates? If they get to know each other well outside of school, that can make the school day less stressful. Can you sit in on the class a few times and get a sense of how things are really going (a yell here and there because a kid is about to knock over something heavy or otherwise get injured is one thing. if there's really a lot of yelling going on, i'd switch teachers or switch schools, or if neither of those is an option, talk to the director of the school -- if that doesn't work, pull him out).

if you do decide to take him out, make sure you enroll him in a few "drop-off" activities (gymnastics, swimming, music, playdates, whatever) so he keeps up the social practice and kindergarten comes a little easier.

Answer 4

It's hard to know exactly what's happening based on the little bit you can tell us here. My gut reaction to it was that eventually, he will have to learn to cope and that it's your job to help him to that end. It can be really hard, I know, to see your child unhappy or struggling. But most likely, another year is only going to prolong the inevitable. When your reaction is to pull him out of a situation where he's not comfortable, then he is learning that he can leave those situations when, in life, that's not always the case. Further, especially in the younger grades, the teachers should NOT be yelling. I suggest that you tell the teacher that this is what he's reporting to you and find out their take on it. Meet with the teacher, the administrator, and any support teachers (like speech) that your child has contact with. Express your concerns, ask for support, and work together to make school a place your child wants to be. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I'd find out what the is that he believes is causing his teacher to yell at him. Some kids feel that any redirection or a stern voice can mean that someone is yelling at them. It could be that he is interpreting being told what to do as his being yelled at. Ask the teacher what are areas that you can assist the child with at home. I find that teachers are more patient when they see that they have support from parents.

I agree that he shouldn't be pulled from school, it says that if he doesn't like school, he can leave. It also undermines the teacher's authority. The way I look at a parent's role in education is that the child learns, the teacher teaches and the parent does everything in between to ensure that the process is enjoyable and allows the child to grow.

What about the idea of volunteering once every two or three weeks that way you can observe as well as help ensure that your child is doing his part?

Answer 6

If I were you I'd talk to him a bit more about the teachers yelling. My opinion differs greatly from yours as I really feel that teachers--especially in the younger ages--should not and the majority do not yell at their students. I feel it's more understandable when kids [lets say in middle school] know how to behave rather then when they are just learning at your son's age.

Before I would pull him out or even consider it I'd talk to the principal of the school about my concerns if the teachers aren't 'getting it.' There is no reason for your son to lie about teachers yelling. There is no reason for your son to have such stress issues about pre-K. It's just not normal. [That's not your son's fault...] Then, if the problems continue I'd pull him out of that school and register him for a new and better pre-K program.

I understand your concern and I know you probably feel it would be easier to take him out but he's going to have to face school sooner or later. Wouldn't you rather him go through it now then wait until he's to the point where it's embarrassing for him and he could get teased about it? Best of Luck!

Answer 7

Before five, most the kids in our neighborhood can add, spell and read simple words (he's not super-smart). And NONE of his teachers ever raised their voice, ever.

Take him out? Depends on what you want for your child. Just because he fusses about going is not a good reason to take him out of school. Sounds like there's some good there.

Edit:
And society has not conditioned kids to grow up sooner. Don't transfer your responsibility to "society". These are YOUR choices.

Answer 8

I agree with "alaeblue". Removing him from bad situations doesn't give him the chance to learn coping skills. And removing him from school won't be an option next year. Legally he has to be in school...what do you do then? He's going to have to learn to cope with different types of environments at some point, why not now, before he gets to the age where the kids start to tease.

Answer 9

My son has been in pre school for 2 years now and still tries to get out of it. They all do. However you need to remember that pre school equips them for "big" school and is vitaly important. However if you are a stay at home mom you could put him in half day . I would suggest you speak to the teacher and try to find the root of what is troubling him if his crying is not a ploy to try stay at home. You are paying the fees so you have a right to answers and can demand that he not be shouted at. This is your right as a parent and guardian of the child and a paying customer.

Answer 10

You can't just keep taking him out of school - it sends a message to him that its not too important. The fact that you did it last year gives him hope you will get him out again when in fact you really should not. All special needs children need to be in school early to get the problems they have taken care of so they can learn.

Just tell him he has to go to school and keep working with him on behavioral issues.