Dear Dogs,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Schumacher and is not a racetrack Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, growl, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6.Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fas hions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
2007-12-09 22:33:06 · 42 answers · asked by Roxy. 6 in Pets ➔ Dogs
Whoo Hoo love it,
2007-12-09 22:39:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Roxy, I think my pets are hanging out at your house. They sound just like mine except mine has to sleep smack up against me when I sleep instead o stretch out. No matter where I sleep they are on top of me. I have also found carrying a lint brush in my car for friends who don't think of fur as a accessory is helpful.Thank heavens most of my friends have more then me. At the moment I have 3 dogs, 1 cat and 1 foster cat at the moment, one foster staying at a vet till better and then will be home to recoup until that forever home finds him.
2007-12-10 04:27:20 · answer #2 · answered by doxie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty funny. I can especially relate to the dogs in the bed part because I sleep with a pit bull and a black lab/doberman mix at night.
2007-12-09 23:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by lj1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AMEN!!!!
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
2007-12-09 22:56:15 · answer #4 · answered by Big-Sister 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nyla, Miss Priss, Lexi and Spicy aren't sure about this, need some time to think it over, pass the dog bones.
I, on the other hand think it rocks, excellent!
Make it a great day!
2007-12-10 07:34:57 · answer #5 · answered by Hokiefire 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God! I have a king size bed. And 4 very tiny dogs, and no two legged bed partner, and yes they take up the whole bed! I have never figured that one out. Also if you don't like dogs, by all means you are more than welcome to stay away from my house! Thanks for the grin!
2007-12-09 23:06:01 · answer #6 · answered by Teri S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stated beautifully. - here's some more
1. Picking the poop up in the yard - Disgusting
2. Your foot in my back in bed - Uncomfortable
3.Letting you out whenever you ask - Annoying
4. Buying special food because of your allergies - Expensive
5.The look of endless love in your beautiful brown eyes
PRICELESS
2007-12-09 22:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by Clueless 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Fantastic!
2007-12-10 00:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for making me laugh out loud....I had a rubbish nights sleep last night and woke up with achy legs cuz my two took up all the space...
2007-12-10 07:39:32 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sooooo true and VERY funny. I will have to get my dog to read it, (YES, she can read)
Hope you have a lovely day for making me laugh so much Oh!!! and have 10 stars I truly wish I could give them to you
2007-12-09 22:51:35 · answer #10 · answered by mistymiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree I way like my dogs better than most people and if you love me you love my dogs. If not you are out so I am with you.
2007-12-10 01:22:13 · answer #11 · answered by TritanBear 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋