My other mom friends have gossipped about this other mom saying "I like her daughter, but her mom is an alcoholic, if you watch her daughter for a few hours, count on watching her for 12." I have witnessed this myself. So the other mothers are distancing their children from the alcoholic's daugher.
My grandmother was a chronic alcoholic for years. My mother is still quietly suffering emotionally from growing up with a mother who was neglectful. As a result, my mother doesn't touch alcohol and has grown-up to be a productive member of society and she was a very caring if not overprotective mom.
I asked my mom if I should risk losing my gossipy "mom friends" to help this little girl...and let her play at my house with my daughter for the 12 hours just to help HER as the daughter of an alcoholic. My mother said as she got older she became aware of not being able to bring friends home and all she wanted was a best friend, a mother-type who showed she cared for her.What'd you do?
2007-12-09 14:39:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
CONSIDER HER ANOTHER CHILD. IF SHE SPENDS THE NIGHT, SO BE IT. AS LONG AS SHE GETS ALONG WITH YOUR DAUGHTER, I'LL BET SHE WILL BE HER BEST MOST LOYAL FRIEND AND ALL ANYONE NEEDS REALLY IS ONE.
2007-12-09 14:43:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kay G 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
This is a slippery slope for you. Yes, it is a good thing for the child. The better the background she gets, the better her chances are of becoming a healthy adult. It gives her some sanity in her life. If things are very wrong for her, it might be best to have Child Protective Services look in to her situation.
For you, this puts you into the position to become co-dependent to her mother, and to her. You become a rescuer. You should pick up some books from the library on these subjects before attempting to do this. The sicker the girl's mother gets, the harder you have to work to save her. Your daughter looses some of her opportunities to the girl's needs, too. Think this through carefully.
2007-12-09 23:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you believe it is really that bad at her house, an anonymous call to dcfs should be done. Yeah that is the last thing that anyone wants to do or have done to them, but if she is an alcoholic and neglects/abuses her daughter, then that should be investigated. I don't know how old the kid is, if they're even old enough to know that anything is wrong or not, but if they are that young that they can't talk to you about what is going on, then that may be just what this mother needs to wake her up. But I would definately leave my door open to this girl who I'm sure loves having a friend no matter who her mother is.
2007-12-09 23:10:37 · answer #3 · answered by mrslangley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People do not get to pick who their parents are and they should not be judged or treated differently because of their parents.
Personally I think that if you lose your "gossip mom friends" over helping the little girl by letting/helping her get away from her mom and what she is going through, then they are not your friends and you should find better ones. I was in a broken home til I was 5 and went to foster care- but I had older siblings whos friends moms would not let their children be friends with my brothers and sisters- my brothers and sisters were not allowed to go over there and play even though they were great kids and always willing to help out with dinner or cleaning even as a guest. It hurt them very badly, and I personally would not be a part in a child having to be in that enviornment 24-7. So *I* would help out any of my childrens friends, so hopefully they can see that I am a good person and even just help out by giving him/her a hug and letting them know that I am there for them. When I had fu(ked up foster parents- that's all I wanted was to know that someone cared and I never got that because I was the wierd "foster" kid at school who everyones parents looked at me like trash.
2007-12-09 22:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by LiL One 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
your mom sounds like a smart lady i would listen to her. my partners mom was and still is an alcoholic and as a result he barely touches the stuff , he has a social drink , wedding christmas new year but thats it, he has put up with the crap and didn't want it for his kids so as a result his mother hasn't seen my daughter in 7 years and i have a three year old she has never met and one on the way, so this little girl might grow up realising what she doesn't want to happen to her kids. be her friend
2007-12-09 23:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by queen_of_a_bitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd have the kid round yours as much as she wants. Let her sleep over if that's what the girls want to do - at least that night she's safe. Your instinct is obviously the same as your Mum's, and she should know what's appropriate.
Sounds like some of those "mom friends" would be no great loss if they haven't the compassion to give a bit of warmth and stability to a kid that, through no fault of her own, desperately needs it. If they're bringing their kids up to be so shallow, I'd be watching who my daughter was best friends with, too. Nassssty people.
2007-12-09 22:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by who me? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you don't know for sure if this mother is actually an alcoholic. Until she tells you herself, you really don't know. She could be depressed, stressed, or overworked.
I would help the little girl. That's what all your friends should be doing.
2007-12-09 22:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by Due March 9th, 2010 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would ask the daughter to come over any time she wanted.
I know, having another child around can sometimes be a burden, but in this case, I'd leave my door open to her all the time.
2007-12-09 22:43:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Someone has to be there for that child! If you are willing to take on the responsibility of being there, then go for it.
2007-12-09 23:15:30 · answer #9 · answered by elloel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... You have to decide between what you feel is right and what looks good to your friends.
What's more important to you? Being a good person, or fitting in with the crowd?
2007-12-09 22:43:18 · answer #10 · answered by Crypt 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋