or mourn, or both?
2007-12-09 12:37:42 · 13 answers · asked by Guinness 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh, you know you will mourn. That is something I don't think you will have much choice about. Your question suggests to me you may feel a desire to celebrate that, somehow, doesn't sit well with your feelings of loss. The way I look at this is that mourning is not really a sign of respect for the memory of the person lost. We mourn because we hurt. Mourning is not so much about the deceased person as it is about ourselves. WE ache, WE cry, not the loved one who died. Feelings of mourning are about those of us left behind. If you want to respect the memory of the person who has passed on what more fitting tribute is there, really, than to celebrate their life? If they were alive for a similar tribute would you show up weeping and wailing? Of, course not. You would have a big party, tell stories about all of their wonderful contributions to your life, and laugh with them and about them. So, why should such an occasion be different after they die?
Kindest regards to you and your family.
2007-12-10 08:48:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Guinness, please accept my condolences on your loss. That's a huge loss, and I will be thinking of you and your family, and praying that you are okay and at peace.
Mourning is a funny thing. It happens whether we want it to or not. No amount of happy thinking and pixie dust will make it go away, so I think you are stuck with that part of it.
Celebrating the life of one we have lost is a choice. It doesn't just happen by itself, at least not for most people. It's a choice, and in my personal worldview, it's always a good choice if you can manage to pull it off.
Your grandmother must have lived an amazing and full life. As I said above, I think you are stuck with the mourning end of the stick, but you can also celebrate like crazy. Your family was fortunate to have her for as long as you did, and that in itself is something for which you can be grateful. So mourn her because you must--your body will simply feel the grief. Celebrate her and her life because you CAN. I think you will find that mourning and celebration are not incompatible. Both are at the beginning of the road to healing, and both will lead you to the same place.
Be well, friend.
Bronwen
2007-12-10 07:07:38 · answer #2 · answered by Bronwen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you lost your grandmother. People tend to both mourn and celebrate on some level, even if it's looking at pictures and laughing at funny stories about a lost loved one after attending a funeral. Both sound healthy and natural. It's ok to have formal ceremonies for both. This will give you closure and if she's able to see you, she may really appreciate it. You'll of course also have informal moments of both for years to come.
2007-12-09 13:31:16 · answer #3 · answered by Lovey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do what your heart tells you to do.My aunt has what I feel is the perfect compromise to when she dies.She wants us to have a small informal memorial ceremony on the beach with a big bonfire.Then she wants us to go to and have a party in her honor and remember nothing but good times.You know your grandmother better than most.Do what you think she would want you to.You are very fortunate to have had her this long,and even more so,you are lucky to have been able to spend a portion of your adult life with her.You will naturally have periods of sadness,but in the same aspect,a life is worth celebrating,no matter how long or short it is.
2007-12-09 12:49:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss Guiness.
I believe you should celebrate and mourn your grandmother. You mourn for your loss, but celebrate the woman and her life. If you believe in the afterlife, then you know she is in a better place watching over you. :-)
2007-12-10 04:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by darjeeling_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please don't waste precious time worrying about things that might be. Your grandmother may well have another 10-15 years ahead of her. Appreciate what you have now...a loving supportive grandparent. I was not as lucky as you...I never knew my paternal grandparents, who died before I was born, and my maternal grandfather died when I was 2. My remaining grandmother, however, lived to the age of 89, and was a loving and supportive person whom I loved dearly. I grieved her loss, but I did not worry about it ahead of time. Worry does not change fate. It will not make your grandmother live longer, and it might upset her to know you are so concerned. Although it makes sense to plan for the future, it is futile to worry about things you have no control over. There are times when you really need to live for the moment.
2016-05-22 09:37:20 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can grieve for your loss and celebrate that you were very blessed to have her for a long period...not many get to share their lives with loved ones until they are 103.
give another elderly person in your own community a flower..a card..groceries..gift card..or do a chore for them in memory of your grandmother.
it would have been what she wanted...and it will serve as a reminder of how blessed you were.
my mother-in-law lived to be 92 and I try to help any elderly that I can.
may God bless you and may you make this a time to remember someone who is in need of even a phone call or visit from you especially here at the Christmas season.
God bless
2007-12-09 13:35:17 · answer #7 · answered by cecstar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to mourn but just as normal to celebrate her life. Especially the fact it was such a long one. Celebrate her memory and all those that you shared with her.
2007-12-09 12:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by MISS H 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it calls for both, 103 years is a good innings for anyone and deserves to be celebrated.
2007-12-10 08:25:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss.
I think that your grandmother would rather have you celebrate her life...she lived through so much history. Think about what she would want.
2007-12-09 12:42:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋