Girlfriend's sexual past lingers in my mind. How can I get past this?

Question

I'm 19 and i have found an amazing girl who I love. We have been together for almost 8 months and have grown so close and we have become pretty serious. I was a virgin before i met her and That is fine with me. I wanted to wait for someone special. I did discover that my girlfriend had sex with her previous boyfriend and it hurts every day. I HONESTLY feel a queaziness in my stomach and a pain in my heart when i imagine the love of my life with another guy. What is worse, is that she broke up with him on good terms because she had to move. I want her to HATE him becuase i still wonder if she thinks about him because he was her first. I really do love this girl, and i accept her past. I just wish i could get rid of the thoughts. I want to talk with her about it and how i feel, i just dont know how. Is this normal? Thanks guys.

Thanks for the answers guys. Its something to think about for sure. And i'm actually 20. I'm an idiot! lol.....

Answer 1

This is 100% your own problem, and will only make you look jealous an insecure if you bring it up to her. It is not her problem to salove for you.

You just have to accept the fact that people have pasts, there are a lot of things people in your life have done prior to knowing you - and you can't get upset or insecure about it.

You have no idea that this relationship is the one yet - it may not last - and if it doesn't then you will move on to someone new...

If you can't be an adult about sex, and other partners, then maybe you aren't mature enough to be having sex right now.

Answer 2

its called jealousy and it can lead to a major break-up. you need to grow up before you get that serious with a girl. you're only 19 still a teenager and you have a whole life ahead of you don't waste it worrying about what your girlfreind has done in the past. if you love her you will forget it and go on with your life with her but if you can't forget it then i suggest you move on and try to find a virgin. good luck with that as most of the girls from 12 to 18 are sexually active anymore.

Answer 3

Dont b afraid to let her know how u feel. There is nothing wrong with the way u feel, and by talking about it with her ur avoiding a buildup of jealousy anger and many other ugly feelings. I dont really think that there is a way to completely get rid of these feelings all together. But I can say from experience that talking about exactly how u feel is the only way any relationship can survive! ;-)

Answer 4

I'm going to tell you something pretty important to you, so please read this carefully and let the message sink in: What you are feeling is normal for a guy in your situation and with your level of experience, but it is also childish and destined to harm you if you don't get control of it. From my vantage point everyone has a sexual past; it's just a fact of life and I expect it. From your vantage point, however, things are newer and the unevenness of your experience-bases is intimidating. You have a tendency to obsess about it and wonder all sorts of scenarios that will only do two things for you:(1) cause you to develop insecurities, and (2)cause you to ask inappropriate questions about it and argue. Both of those things will tear your relationship apart...quickly.
So, how do you gain control of this and prevent this from happening? First, with every ounce of will you can muster, resist the temptation to ask her anything about it. In every way that matters, her sexual past has nothing to do with you. (Many couples disagree and find that to be suitable pillow-talk, but just as many wind up arguing over things of this nature during heated moments that needn't have gotten that far.) Next, visualize yourself sitting alone at home one night, typing on YA, and asking questions about how you can win her back. Stay with that image for awhile and internalize the feeling...she's gone, you broke up over jealousy because you couldn't let go of this issue; because you couldn't let go of it, you have to learn to let go of her....which situation feels worse? Good! Then we're on the same page; so, the time to beat this is now, before it becomes a big problem. Remember this: jealousy is ALWAYS about insecurity; it's never about love.
That image is a future prediction that never needs to come about; all it takes to beat it is the relatively simple task of governing your own passions. And you govern them by remembering how wonderful she is, remembering that she's with you, and remembering the emptiness of that glimpse into life without her. It's still going to sting for awhile until you get used to this new mindset; every new endeavor is a bit challenging at first. But overtime, it will vanish from your mind altogether, because you're gaining new experiences everyday...with your woman. Hint: In the meantime, even when you don't feel like you're cool with it, act like you're cool with it until your mind has time to catch up. This will save you a world of grief and help you to preserve something that is very important to you.
Good luck to you as you face this challenge; it's not super-simple, but you're up to it, and this is far from the greatest test you'll ever encounter. Happy Holidays.

P.S.
This is the first question I've ever answered where it seems overwhelmingly like everyone is dead-on accurate in their answers. We're all basically telling you the same thing. Good luck, Man.

Answer 5

you sound like you are being a little bit selfish by wanting her to hate him.

do you love your girlfriend more than you are irked by her sexual past?
think about that.

also, if you love eachother enough, you shouldnt be feeling insecure when it comes to your respective sexual pasts.

thats why its better to wait till you're married.....