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My mother has been mean most of her life... not going to go all 12 steps with you are anything but people have to reap what they sow. I have dealt with my mother's nasty behavior all my life. My sister has too. She is an unhappy women and nothing I do or anyone does can change that except her. Took me a long time to understand that. What infuriates me is when these types of people that have basically **** on people their whole lives and then raise their hands wondering why they have no good relationships in their life and why the ones they do have are lined with anger. I don't get it. If I treated people badly and was cruel to people that tried in vain to love me well then that is what I get isn't it. I am thinking about writing my mother an email and ask her that very question. I fought with her today and asked what did she expect? For the record I try and take care of my mother and buy her what she needs, take her places but sometimes I can't be silent about some things.

2007-12-09 10:32:14 · 8 answers · asked by daisyduck4007 4 in Family & Relationships Family

I have been treated badly and i don't treat others badly. So the don't be to quick to judge thing doesn't wash with me. It has no bearing on this. I am not judging I am sick of being treated like crap and feeling hurt all the time. Sorry you miss your mom maybe go to a medium and she can connect her with you.

2007-12-09 11:47:14 · update #1

8 answers

It sounds like mom never learned that you EARN respect, it's not a gift bestowed on a person at birth. People treat you the way you let them. Make it clear what you will and won't tolerate. Some people are unable to see their own faults regardless of the situation.
Being the parent does NOT sentence the child to a lifelong commitment of putting up with the parents crap regardless of what they do. Just tell her if she can't see the mistakes she's made then there's no way you're going to be able to show them to her. When she pulls the 'how could you do this to me' line just give her examples of things she has done that make you less able to sympathize.
She sounds like my MIL who is always wanting pity when someone is upset with her. She's finally quit coming to me when I started asking, "Well what did you do to them?" She didn't like being forced to look at her own actions to see she in fact was causing much/most of how she was being treated.
Best of luck!

2007-12-09 11:18:34 · answer #1 · answered by MISS H 5 · 2 0

First if all, DON'T e-mail your mom, call her! She will feel your emotion much more clearly if you speak to her on the phone, or even better, face to face. My DAD was the one who dis-owned me...because I refused (at the age of 18) to submiss to "HIS" values and morals....Do not judge, but understand, it was a very different era back when they were young and you really don't know if there was child-hood trauma or abuse done to her to make her bitter/mean.
Believe me, I know your hurt!! My mom and dad are both living, but recently my dad has been using his "controlling" methods on my sister and her family and it hurts me to no end!! She has cut ties with him (as I did 20 years ago) and is seeing his true self....
I'm not sure what you mean by "12 step program" but my dad went through AA and then became addicted to coffee and had to see a psych doc for that... He is bitter and angry and thinks that, AND I QUOTE! "If you drink alcohol, smoke, or are a N!**er you don't belong on the planet!!" He thinks that he is better than EVERYONE! But really, I think he's kinda nuts!
So, yes the other answers are right. YOU CHOOSE who you want in your life....sounds like it's been a rough road!
God Bless and all the best! I'm here if you wanna e-mail me....

2007-12-09 12:11:33 · answer #2 · answered by Reenie: Mom of Marine 6 · 1 0

When I read your email, you sound like me. However, because my mother was mean and what I call "evil", we have been estranged for 23 years. It is sad. I have been in contact only one or twice. Once when my grandma (her mom) was dying and I was in communication with my aunt (mom's sister). My mother was cordial to me until one day, the real mom came out again and she phoned me with a verbal attack. We haven't spoken since. I love my mother, but not in the "mother daughter" way. I am not telling you to stay away from her totally, but honey, YOU make the choices of who you want in your life and YOU teach people how to treat you. I would love to have my mother in my life, but I can't trust her with hurting me somehow. If somebody is hurting you, why continue to put your hand in the fire? This is how I see things. But, I am NOT telling you to stay away. Maybe you should just try to "not" argue. Just walk away when that starts. I don't know how you handle hurt, but I don't handle it well. And, when it continues, it tells me that is not love. My mother is unhappy also, and it makes me sad. But, I can't help her because she is cruel and verbally attacks. It depresses me and I have decided I can't have people like that in my life. I wish you the best honey.

2007-12-09 10:49:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 3 0

There are people that just don't get it.
It all comes down to Universal Law... you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around... etc.
She will always be on the short end of the stick, no matter what.... always playing victim.
Even if you try to spell it out for her, she will take it personally as an assault.

I suggest limiting your time with her.

2007-12-09 11:26:56 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1 0

Very good question. The only thing that I found (even for myself) helpful is God. Unless you know Him or have a personal relationship with Him he's able to do the impossible and in the duration your faith develops / changes your heart which perspectively changes your outlook. Rather than staying frustrated / upset you develop patience and compassion to see her heart. It's A trip! God is awesome. It is true that we are our worst enemy. Are you sure she knows that she is a victim of her own circumstances? Condemning yourself never cuts to the root. For starters read "The Secret."

2007-12-11 06:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by VibiB 3 · 0 0

Damn I wish I still had my mother here, mean or not. I sure do miss her. Sometimes she was not the nicest person in the world, but have you checked into how her parents were? I found out that my Granny beat my Mom almost to death once, she "accidently" gave one of her sons lye to drink instead of milk,( he died) the list goes on, Unless you know about her life, don't be so quick to judge.

2007-12-09 11:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by Glinda W 6 · 0 1

She's been that way all her life.
She's not going to change much now that she's
old and set in her ways.
You get points for trying to take care of her, but
' fixing` her?
She is who she is, and there's little you can do
except try to understand. The behavior is probably
rooted in things that happened before you were born.

2007-12-09 11:34:26 · answer #7 · answered by Irv S 7 · 2 0

She must think she deserves to be treated nicely even though she doesn't.

2007-12-09 10:45:39 · answer #8 · answered by christina30 6 · 1 0

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