am I wrong for being hurt by my mom?

Question

my mom was a drug addict while I was growing up. She was abusive in every way except sexual. at times she would wake my while asleep to beat me and scream at me because SHE did something wrong. I never, even as a teen and I knew I could, hit my mom back.
Now my moms been clean for about 4 yrs. She has completly changed and is now the mom I never had. She helped me purchase a little used car and is also helping me support my two daughters. Because of my moms addiction, I was forced to grow up in fear of her and being raised in the housing projects. My mom also abandoned me when I was 15 and left the state becuase she was running from the law. I had to find a place to live and I got myself emancipated when I was 16 and got my own place.
The problem is, I feel hurt and left out and other feelings I can't explain.

my mom and stepdad are doing really well finacially and are purchasing there first 3 bedroom house. the problem is, my mom has a tendency to say things without thinking how it makes the other person feel. She told me that my stepdad signed papers so that if anything happens to them my daughters will get everything they have. That made me feel so hurt and left out. I never did drugs, I go to school (college) and I've always shown respect for my mom. I love my daughters and I'm so happy that they would do that for them but it makes me feel like I don't matter at all. My brother whose 20 (I'm 25) did drugs and just finished doing a year in prison and just finally put himself in a rehab. for a year. My mom and dad are giving him a truck if he finishes the program. am I being selfish? I don't know I just feel all my hard work meant nothing, the bad people always seem to get the good stuff. why even try? I feel like telling my mom that I need a break from are relationship.

I'm so hurt I feel like saying that but I don't want to hurt her feeling even though she hurts mine alot apperantly without knowing it. Even a mutual friend told me she does that. Now that she's clean I feel like she dug me and my brother with her in a deep whole and she got herself out and just left us there. i never quilt trip her or anything, I just keep the hurt suppressed because I don't want to hurt her. Should I tell her anything?

Answer 1

You aren't wrong for feeling how you feel, but continuing to hold on to the resentment and hurt isn't going to punish anyone but yourself. Seek some therapy to learn to let go of these negative emotions, so you can finally have something healthy with your mother, and so your daughters aren't affected by all of this.

Answer 2

You should probably sit down and have an open and honest conversation with her. If you do not think you are capable of doing this alone, find a supportive friend. You need to tell her how you feel. You need to know that she hears you. And you probably also need a honest and sincere apology. Which I'm sure now that your mom is clean and sober she is able to give you. She probably has a need to apologize and feel forgiven as well. You many want to consider going and obtaining some counseling... You have all the right in the world to feel as you do, your feelings are very valid... I am sorry for your pain... You may need to tell her what you need from her, she is probably very happy with your success and therefore feels you do not need anything. Because you have done it on your own. If you need assistance from her tell her. Tell her how you are feeling, if that means you need a break then by all means you take one. You are a grown women now, you do not need your mom in your life, if you choose not to have her in your life that is not a bad thing... You must do what is best for you and your children and your children need you to be happy and stable free of the added emotional pain... Please seek some counseling. Good luck to you and God bless****

Answer 3

It's great that your Mom has changed her life for the better and wants to be involved with your family. However, you aren't wrong to feel the way that you do. It's good that your Mom has resolved many of her issues, but just because she is recovered doesn't mean that you would be. It might help you to talk with a social worker or psychologist to help you work through the things that can still make you feel angry, hurt, abandoned, whatever you may still feel. You shouldn't feel guilty for what you feel, but you can be an active part of getting over those feelings for your own welfare. A trained therapist can help you find what you feel, why, give you tools for managing your issues, and help you decide what kind of relationship you want with your mother. You aren't bad for feeling the way you do, but you don't necessarily have to feel the pain of an old wound for the rest of your life. Wear the scar bravely and move on with your life! Good luck!

Answer 4

Yes, you were hurt, but it's in the past.
Your Mom is trying to make up for her mistakes.
With your brother as well as with you. And
well, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
He's in worse shape than you and needs more attention.
She did help you buy a car, - not a small thing,
and the house going to the grand-kids actually
makes a lot of sense, tax and probate wise.
(As their guardian, you'd be living in it y'know.)
Your feelings are what they are. It's what you do
with them that counts. If she's trying
to make amends, give Mom a break.
What more can she do than do right by both of
her kids from now on.

Answer 5

I really feel for you. It's hard to see someone you love treating you badly. It sounds like she is oblivious to the damage and pain she caused you. She probably wants to make it up to you but at the same time wants to forget about those years. It sounds like you were a very forgiving daughter and yes, you have every right to feel hurt by the way she is acting. Still, try to understand that she may just not know how to act any other way.

Answer 6

Sorry, yet he's perfect. you haven't any longer had a new child yet, once you do you will comprehend. this isn't any longer as cut back and dried as you place it, this is a very complicated subject. yet some human beings do no longer join that concept and someplace down the music, it comes back and bites them on the a$$. The important different they gave up involved with, leaves them and then they choose for his or her infants are important, many cases the youngsters say nick off. keep in mind, a new child does not ask to be born so while one is added into the worldwide, mothers and dads ought to placed that new child first and ultimate (is extremely) till such an age they might fend for themselves

Answer 7

Wow! That is really tough and you are probably going to get some STUPID answers---don't listen to them. Please forgive your mom over and over again. Most addicts, whether drug or alcohol never change. But, she has------WOW! Please go to a good counselor to work your feelings out.

As for your additional details------still go to a counselor, maybe recommended by your church, to work this out in your heart. Then you can stand firm on what you need for your emotional well being. God Bless.

Answer 8

i feel your pain,i had a father who was a monster,you have to understand that people can grow and become the kind of parent that they should be,give her a chance,my mom died when i was 7 months old,i would give anything to have her with me,as for my father,he did grow,he became the father i needed,now he is dying,its too late for me to be any ones child,please forgive her,give her a chance before its too late,i wish you a better life than the one you had,the one you deserve...

Answer 9

No, you shouldn't second guess your feelings about this! But I'm glad you seem to have accepted that your mom is trying to make it up to you as much as she can, though.

Answer 10

No, the best thing is to try to for give her.