My friends tell me 2 get out of my relationship of 4 yrs with my boyfriend whom I love. "When we get into arguement" 90% they R from him & due 2 his trust issues. He starts swearing and I yell back 2 but without swearing. But when we aren't fighting we R perfect together. Recently we were fighting & I was fed up with him swearing & yelling at me. I try 2 leave but he said no cuz I had few drinks which I did, but he was the drunk one. He was holding my arms tight and continued swearing at me. I pinched hard 4 him to let go of me & he got furious. He squeezed my arms so tight lifting me a little that I screamed in pain. The next day my left upper arm was black and blue. The bruise was as big as a person's hand. He couldn't believe when he saw it. He didn't realize how tight he had done it & apologized. I forgave him, cuz I felt I lead him to do it by pinching him. My friends think he is out of control & abusive & I need to get out now. R they right?
2007-12-09 09:37:27 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I feel like it is my fault since I Pinched him hard. Doesn't that make me the guilty one that was being physical? Just cuz I didn't leave a bruise, I feel doesn't make me innocent. My friends disagree with me justifying what happen and it being my fault. They say he was the one doing wrong. But am I wrong?
2007-12-09 09:37:39 · update #1
It sounds like it was your fault for pinching him. You both did some "abusing" that night.
Don't be too hard on your friends, though. They care about you and are concerned for your safety. You and he know just what happened, and that's all that matters.
We all fight with our significant others, sometimes things look a little differently than they really are.
2007-12-09 09:42:54 · answer #1 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well they are early stages of being abused. It might start as a small arm squeeze or something but in the end it might end up as being a more physical thing. I think that the both of you should keep your hands to yourself. No i don't think that you are the blame for him getting physical. But being that the two of you drink could be a probable cause. People tend to act a lil different when they have alcohol or drugs in their system and that my as well be the case with you. No woman under no circumstances deserves to be physically or mentally abused. It's something that will affect you in the long run and in future relationships.
The two of you need to learn to talk to one another like adults instead of doing all the swearing, pinching, and squeezing. Sounds like the two of you have a bit of growing up to do. I personally think that everyone at some point in life go through some type of abuse by their loved ones, (being physical or mental). But that doesn't make it okay to have to go through It. if nothing else you can at least get some type of counseling. Good Luck and stray away from the alcohol......
2007-12-09 09:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs Thang 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that it's not "your fault" but at the same time he is not 100% to blame. You did pinch him first and you both had a few drinks, so in that situation I would say that it was a mutual thing. I know that guys are never supposed to physically hurt girls, but seriously it's 2007 and women want the same rights as men (same pay, etc) yet they still want men to be gentlemen and open doors for them, etc. And if a woman were to punch a man in the face, he should just stand back and do nothing about it? I am a woman, and I just think that's a double standard. If you both scream and fight with eachother, then you are both to blame. It's not like you are sitting back getting yelled at and thrown around. Sometimes you start it and sometimes he does...therefore it is both of your faults and you are both, in a way, abusive towards one another. Although I don't think the relationship is 100% healthy (from what I know of it), I don't think that you should leave him for being 'abusive' since you treat him the same way. Hope this helps =)
2007-12-09 09:45:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Umm, he backed you in a corner so you had to pinch him. Yes, get out now b/c things like this only get worse. Right now he's testing you to see how far he can push you. Sure, he'll apologize, but the fact that he hurt you that badly and didn't realize it means that he can hurt you again MUCH WORSE. Your friends are totally right on this one. even if your relationship started out and there was not violence until now, it could still get worse. The longer you stay the more he will try to control you and the more potentially dangerous he can become. Think about 10 years from now and he's hitting you and not letting you talk to your friends b/c he know's they don't like him. You can't leave the house, you can't talk to your mom , you can't use the phone. These things don't start out like like that but they morph into it.
You are NOT perfect together if you're hurting each other.
2007-12-09 09:43:52 · answer #4 · answered by jt_eradicator 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar relationship for 7 years (only she always hit and pinched, and punched me) We broke up and I was devestated at the time but now I am happily married and have not even had an argument with my wife... ever. There is someone better for you out there, you are only hurting yourself by staying, it would be better for both of you (it will hurt at first) to leave as soon as possible.
2007-12-09 09:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
R U serious? Your friends are right. This is how men think it's ok to put their hands on their partner.
DON'T justify what he's done. He should NEVER put his hands on you. It shouldn't matter whether you pinched him or not.
If he's not willing to take an anger management class then you need to let him go. Please don't get caught up in an abusive relationship . If this happened to your friend, what would your advice be to her? It shouldn't be any different for you. You should expect more for yourself.
2007-12-09 09:49:02 · answer #6 · answered by st3psp8 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is not your fault he was holding to tight already before you even pinched him a lot of girls think it's there fault that there bfs are abusive but the truth is its genetics it comes from there fathers if there fathers were abusive then they will be i know this from experience.. the worst thing a girl could do would be to blame them selves talk to him about how he treats you and if he says he will change give him one more chance and if he goes back to his old ways then don't put up with it any more
2007-12-09 09:44:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes! He is abusive! You should listen to your friends, they are trying to help you. It doesn't matter that he was drunk, he will keep doing it again and again. Dump him now! Bring a friend to witness it because he might get mad and try to hurt you worse or even try to kill you! if a friends there, she can call 9-1-1. Please listen to what I am saying to you because I don't want you to keep getting hurt. Remember: this is not your fault. Pinching him didn't make him more mad. You are innocent.
2007-12-09 09:44:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No no no no... this is not your fault AT ALL. Your friends are right.. you've been in this relationship so long that you're convinced he can do no wrong to you. It sounds like he drinks a lot, and when he drinks he gets frustrated and yells a lot. If hes doing this, he needs to either stop drinking, or you should get out. If he gets mad ato you for wanting to get out, I suggest that you leave asap, before he literally traps you. Really, this is a serious matter.. you could be severely hurt. Good luck, and please listen to your friends.
2007-12-09 09:41:07 · answer #9 · answered by ♫ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, you were both drunk, and if it was only once maybe thats okay, but it sounds like your bf has some anger problems, and even if you pinch him he shouldn't hurt you like that. I'm not saying you should break up with him, but do NOT let him hurt you like that. If it ever happens again, then you should definetly break it off, and possibly press assault charges.
2007-12-09 09:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by inotstoopid224 is anti-Jonas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋