How can I get help for somebody that doesn't want it?

Question

My daughers father is a dead beat. He is NOT in my daughters life and I am really thankful for that because he scares the heck outta me.

He has some sort of issue where when he is mad, he blacks out and goes crazy and not remember what he did. I am afraid of him- almost like he is possesed. I truley would NOT be surprised if he went on a killing spree.

One time, He beat the crap outta a guy until he was near death. Thats how scary he is. He is in jail for that now and deserves to be but he will be released soon. The guy lived and sued the crap outta him but I wouldnt put it past him to do something like that again.

For the record, I was young and stupid when I met him and got pregnant. I didn't see this side of him until later in the relationship and got my baby and I out of there. You hear of all of these killing spree's and people see signs but never come forward to get help for that person, I want to. Btw- entire family has restraining orders against him. Myself too.

I care because I wouldn't want this to turn into another mass shooting and him taking innocent lives! He IS capible of it. He is CRAZY! I dont give 2 craps about him... just his victums. If you would have seen what he did to that guy, you would see.

Answer 1

Hope,
The bottom line for your question is that adults, and most kids, cannot be forced to accept your recommendations. They have to WANT to change. It sounds like (because of the blackouts) your ex-boyfriend has a form of epilepsy or the early signs of mental illness. The prison may have noticed this and may make recommendations to his parole officer to insist on treatment as part of his parole agreement. If he doesn't come to see you or call you, don't you go trying to find him to "help" him. It won't work. You are the wrong person to help him now.

You, too, must respect the terms of the restraining order. Leave him to the justice system to fix. If he violates the restraining order, call the Police immediately and also mention the blackouts at that time. Pray for him, but don't engage him in any way. Do you understand? It's your life, and your child's life -secure it.

Answer 2

The guy that he attacked didn't let him get by with what he did. What do you wanna bet your ex got the **** beat outta him while he's in jail? Don't bother trying to help him, just keep away from him.

Answer 3

You can't change another adult, and you are not responsible to help them... i don't see why you are so up in arms over a person who is 1) in jail for being violent, and 2) who is your EX.

Just be thankful he is not in your life anymore... move forward with YOUR life, and let others tend to theirs.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

Answer 4

To be honest, you can't get help for him. It's not possible to help someone with problems like his unless he wants help. I know, I tried it with my father, who is an alcoholic and used to be abusive. He didn't want help either, still doesn't, so there is nothing I can do about it. I understand you wanting to help him, and I do understand why (I'd say he's in serious need of it), but as a codependent, one of the first things I learned is that in life, you can't help someone unless they want to be helped.