He is a boy! i met her while she was pregnant.Watched her give birth, call him my own. But she is in to drugs, I'm not (any more). I feel like she uses me as a father figure and some one to watch him while she dose them,spends all her money on them. Then expects me to pay her rent, so she dosn't get kicked out. I don't know when i say "ok take you and your(our child) and go away. Let hte chips fall where they may.
2007-12-09 08:48:23 · 34 answers · asked by ronnie s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It depends on how much you love this boy. You can separate from the mother and still have a part in the boy's life. (If she lets you) You don't have any responsibility legally.
If you feel that she is an unfit mother, though, you DO have a responsibility to report her to family services so they can try to help her develop better parenting skills.
If you want him, you can offer to care for the boy and take him with you. You'll need her to sign a legal agreement so she can't cause trouble for you in the future, though.
2007-12-09 08:53:12 · answer #1 · answered by K. F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A respectable man would take responsibility for his child. This childs' biological however, is not a respectable man and his mother sounds like an unfit parent. I think you rightfully should feel that you -altho not blood realted- and more a father than his actual father.
It's very comendable that you helped the kids mother during the time you were with her, but at this point its no longer about her, but the child. Would your concience be unfaltered if you cut ties with him altogether because of a break up? Altho I must say, if she is spending all her money on drugs and making you pay her rent, then I would contact child services. If you don't want to keep the child thats fine, but she definatly shouldnt have a child.
2007-12-09 09:04:50 · answer #2 · answered by evey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To call this little boy your own shows that you love him. You watched him enter the world and have assisted in raising him. You are his psychological father. I can tell you care for your (step) son because what you are asking wouldn't even be an issue if you didn't.
I guess if she is not willing to stop her drug taking you are left with little choice than to leave her and you will have a hard time with the courts even being the psychological father of the child if you decided you wanted to try for custody, not that I'm saying it would be impossible. My husband married to a woman who had a son from a previous relationship. They started seeing each other when the boy was 6 months old. They were both taking drugs for a while and like you he stopped but she continued. They eventually had a baby girl together and when that little girl was 18 months, her mother tried to overdose her first on Valium and then, failing that, on morphine. My husband was taken to court by the mother and her parents and had to fight to have custody of his daughter and he tried to get custody of his step son. Even though he got custody of his daughter the courts would not grant him custody of his step son even though he was seen as the psychological father as the child's grandparents agreed to care for him. Since then, my husband has had half holiday contact with the boy up until a few years ago because there was parental alienation occurring and he said he no longer wanted to come and see my husband.
I guess I'm saying be careful. It is never a good idea to come between a woman and her child but on the other hand, your son can not be left to be cared for by a habitual drug user. Perhaps she might go into a treatment program if she is confronted with the fact that you are ready to leave her and to do whatever is in your power to protect the son you have been raising together.
If you don't want to take responsibility of the child, and legally you have no responsibility other than as any person who sees a child in potential danger, then someone needs to and I think it is safe to say that this woman is not fit to do that in her current situation. If she has parents, siblings, grandparents...someone you can ask for help then try them. Otherwise as sad as this may be, Dept. of child services may be the only other option you have. The child should not stay in that environment without someone to watch him though.
It is very poor form that she spends her money on drugs and lets you take responsibility for her bills and the care of her child despite the bond you may have with him. She seems like a toxic person and she needs help, be it from you or a government facility.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do.
2007-12-09 10:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by Onyx ♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have responsibilities to our fellow man REGARDLESS of whether or not it directly impacts us. but you sir have a moral obligation to a child that sees you as the only father he has ever known. Can you imagine the feelings of abandonment and long term side affects if you were to simply walk out of his life?
Since your ex is a drug addict raising a child there is no way that you should ignore it even after your relationship with her ends. If you report it, keep in mid that the child will be taken from the home until she is healthy and can take care of the child. I know this is devastating at first but it is far better even in the worst of circumstances of foster care than the way the child would live being raised by a drug addict. Report it and make sure the child is taken care of.
Do the right thing.
2007-12-09 08:58:26 · answer #4 · answered by Challenge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really a tough one. Can you stage an intervention with her? What will it take for her to give up the drugs?
I guess it all depends about the bond you have made with this boy. It's not his fault that his mother is being irresponsible and if he loses you, he may be losing the only good role model in his life right now.
I know that doesn't help much but maybe there is other family that he can go to? You can visit him there? You may have to let her end up on the street. Sometimes situations have to get worse before they can get better. GOOD LUCK.
2007-12-09 08:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by itsallgood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends, if I was you I'd take into consideration that poor child. If his mother is doing what you say she is doing, then I highly recommend trying to take the child away. While you aren't the actual father, you are seen as the child's father-figure to the child, and it would be in the childs best interest. Just think, if you don't take it the poor boy would end up without a home and with his mom still doing drugs. Could you honestly live with yourself knowing you damned a child to that? While you live in a house comfortably and happily?
2007-12-09 08:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You may not legally be responsible for this child since you are not married to the mother, you are not the biological father, and you haven't legally adopted him, but I think you do have a moral responsibility to see that he's provided for. You might contact the child welfare agencies to find out what your obligations are, or at least see that the agency can find a foster home for him. It's not the baby's fault that he has an irresponsible mother, so he shouldn't suffer because of her actions. And if you don't wish to be a surrogate father, at least see that the poor child is not totally abandoned. You do not have to be responsible for the mother, however.
2007-12-09 08:56:13 · answer #7 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not married to her and not the biological father? No legal responsibility; however, how do you feel about letting her raise the child and not overseeing what is going on? Maybe you should consider offering to raise the child and still breaking up with her, or breaking up with her and still seeing the child sometimes, OR at least when you break up with her talk to her about your concerns with her drug use and how it will effect the child.
You can't let her continue on her path and stay with her for the sake of the child, but you can try to help in some way.
Good Luck
2007-12-09 08:53:40 · answer #8 · answered by bcjdhkk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. On a legal aspect you have no resposibility to the child but on an emotional level he basically your child. The relationship sounds to me is just not there anymore and you want to leave her and the child. Do it just cut all strings but if your are looking for the best interest of the child look into getting legal custody of the child it wont be hard if you can prove she is an unfit mother.
2007-12-09 08:54:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow- what a tough situation. how do you feel about the kid? try to put his feelings in there and your's too. Do whatever you feel is right and as long as you will have no regrets then that was the right decision.
If you do walk away get the mom some help before you go so that you will know that your stepson will be ok. Remember you said you call him your own- would you leave your own in that situation?
Good luck!!
2007-12-09 08:52:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋