My friends tell me to get out of my relationship of 4 yrs with my boyfriend whom I love. We get into arguement a lot, 90% they R from him and for stupid things with his trust issues. He starts swearing and I yell back without swearing. But when we aren't fighting we are perfect together. Recently we were fighting and I was fed up with him swearing and yelling at me. I try to leave but he said no cuz I had few drinks, but he was the drunk one. He was holding my arms tight and continued swearing at me. I pinched him to let go of me and he got furious. He squeeze my arms so tight lifting me a little that I screamed in pain. I was in tears. The next day my left upper arm was black and blue. The bruise was as big as a person's hand. He couldn't believe when he saw it. He didn't realize how tight he had done it and apologized. I forgave him, cuz I felt I lead him to do it by pinching him. My friends think he is out of control & abusive & I need to get out now. R they right?
2007-12-09 07:36:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to clarify we don't fight 90% of the time. I said "when" we do fight it's 90% of the time that he started it.
Thank you for your comments
2007-12-09 09:00:41 · update #1
Your friends are right.
No man EVER has an excuse to hit, slap, shake, or physically intimidate you to get their way. When you told him to let you go, he should have done so immediately!!!
That he left bruises on you is a big concern to me. Victims of Domestic Violence aren't usually beaten in the beginning. It starts out with things like you just described, and gets worse. In the worst cases, the woman winds up disappearing.
Don't become a statistic. Find a real man. One that respects you and can control his temper. If you wanted to leave against his wishes, he could break up with you, but he can't stop you. Unlawful Restraint is a crime. So is assault.
Don't paint an unrealistic picture of your relationshp. If you guys are fighting more often than you are enjoying each other's company, than you should get out while you can. Arguments happen with any couple. But it shouldn't be happening 90% of the time you two are together. It doesn't matter who is starting the arguments. If he has jealousy issues, and has now graduated from cursing you to physically hurting you, YOU ARE IN DANGER, and should get out now.
There are plenty of guys out there.
El Chistoso
2007-12-09 07:50:23 · answer #1 · answered by elchistoso69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all..someone who is very suspicious, is usually someone who is cheating or thinking of cheating. So b on the lookout. Ur friends r rt. Things will only get worse if u don't put a stop to his behavior. He needs help or u need to get out. Marriage or kids will not fix this, either. Life is stressful n he needs to find a better way to deal with his anger/frustration. I'd bet when he's angry at work or with other friends, he doesn't act the same way...he wouldn't put a hand on someone else. But he does this to u bcuz he feels like ur "his". It's never ur fault when someone hurts u!! U were pinching him bcuz he was forcibly keeping u from leaving. A tip: ALWAYS put ur mom, sister or best friend in the same scenario, and ask urself if u would think it was ok for that to b done to them. I'd bet u wouldn't think so! Best of luck!
2007-12-09 07:54:18 · answer #2 · answered by •♦๑•TxRose•♦๑• 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say your fiends are right. You don't need to be in a relationship like that. It is very unhealthy. Today he grabbed you and lifted you, what about tomorrow? Don't stay around to see what will happen next. If you live with him, move with our parent or friend. I am sorry to say this but he is not treating you like a human, he is treating you like a property. By you not usually swearing back at him, to me I feel like you are submissive. Once a guy finds a woman that submits to his authority FORGET it. The manipulative man does not like women that think on their own, does not like women who are assertive. Why? Because the manipulativ man wont't be able to control her.Just leave don't explain to him why you are leaving. He will figure it out. If you tell him, he is going to convince you how he can change, and why you should give him another chance. Then it becomes a routine. Once something becomes a routine, it becomes harder to get out off. Leave him, there are better fishes in the sea that will treat you right and respect you. You should always thnk of yourself as something special. Don't think of yourself as mat where man can walk all over you when he wants.
2007-12-09 07:49:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Argueing and fussing then he grabs you. 90% of the time fussing. This does not sound normal find someone that likes your friends and family and that they like you will be happier that way.
2007-12-09 07:43:10 · answer #4 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't matter what you do a man SHOULD NEVER physically harm a girl. Your friends are right.
2007-12-09 07:42:10 · answer #5 · answered by AnswerMan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋