My girl friend has a kid who is 18 months from a previous relatinship. Me and him get on realy well and he has started caling me daddy. But when my kid is born will i pay less attention to him?
Also i came into his life when he was about 12 months so i dont know what to do about those early months... Please help!
2007-12-09 07:02:39 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
We are expecting him in Late Jan
2007-12-09 07:09:39 · update #1
Treat them both the same and you cant lose.
2007-12-09 07:05:01 · answer #1 · answered by Danielle R 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Whether you know it or not, you're already a real daddy. You're going to treat the two of them the same just because they're both in your life with the same type of relationship. Don't worry, there's not much difference from newborn to 12 months. Just more diaper changes and more late night wake ups. Don't forget to be very gentle. I've been through it. Do the little stuff to help out your girlfriend because she's been though a lot. Get the bottles ready, do the baby's laudry (remember baby detergent), and clean the house until she's recovered. Try to do as much as you can so she can rest. She's giving you the greatest gift of all. She'll greatly appreciate it!
2007-12-09 07:13:59 · answer #2 · answered by Howzit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, congratulations on becoming a new daddy. Second of all, I don't think you'll pay less attention to the 18 month old once your baby is born. Of course, you'll have to pay more attention to the newborn because, well, it will be a newborn, and it will have more needs to be met. However, you can schedule time when you can spend time with the 18 month old once the new baby is born. For example, when your girlfriend is feeding the baby you can play with the 18 month old, or you can give a bath to the newborn, and your girlfriend can play with the baby. It's all about making the 18 month old feel loved, and included in what's going on.
2007-12-09 07:07:07 · answer #3 · answered by Lacuca 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Jamie you sound like a nice guy. Having a child is the best thing in the world. Be sure to let the older child be a part of everything. I don't think you will feel differently about the second child, not if you really love the first one. I have a friend who went through the same thing. It's now YEARS later and they are still ALL a happy family. He adopted the first child. Be the best daddy you can be and you will be rewarded for it with treasures beyond your wildest dreams. Still one of my happiest memories is giving both of my children baths in the kitchen sink when they were tiny babies and I could hold them in my hands. They loved the warm water. Beautiful!!! Good luck. Remember, "All you need is love"
2007-12-09 07:09:07 · answer #4 · answered by YahooGuru2u 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awww. Congratulations!
You'll do fine. My husband and I were both completely clueless, but we ended up doing surprisingly well.
My advice to you is read up on baby care (a lot of it's common sense. I read stuff and clued my husband in on things that he wasn't really getting but he did just fine because some things are just obvious. I recommend What to Expect the First Year, and Touchpoints by Dr. Brazleton) and BE MELLOW. Mellow people have mellow babies. Our son is so easy to take care of because we're not stress cases. My dad compliments me constantly on how good he is compared to me and my brother, who were raised by our super high-strung mother.
Also, in the first months they're just a lump of baby who eats and sleeps and sh*ts a lot. I personally think infants are much easier than older babies.
An easy way to make sure the older baby doesn't get feel out is to care for him and let mom focus on the new one. The two of you will get plenty of time to play with the other kid, but in the first few weeks mommy is most important to the new baby. And this way mom can sleep when the new baby sleeps, which is very very important to her.
Good luck to you, hope all goes well!
2007-12-09 07:09:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Treat them both as your own. If he calls you daddy, that is great. You will just have more to love now. They won't be so far apart in age so that will be half the battle. My husband treated my kids like they were his too. In fact, my daughter gets comments that she looks like her dad (which really isn't his flesh and blood) They giggle, but they have a great bond. My husband treats his own kid the same as mine as I do his kid.
My son is also married to a woman that has two children from a previous marriage. Then they had a daughter. All three kids are treated the same apart from their ages.
The one thing that is important is that the other child feel important too so that all of the focus won't be just on the new one.
2007-12-09 07:10:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to split the attention. You will be the billionth parent to deal with this issue (maybe I exaggerate, but it is not new).
The first year is cool. The key things are:
1. first six weeks hard
baby's stomach not big and cannot hold much food, so it wakes and feeds every four hours.
2. help your woman get some sleep
take baby and junior out here and there
3 buy junior a present from the baby
4 have to be pretty careful about baby's first year diet
5 help your woman out
Things like breastfeeding can sometimes be a bit hard, so help her out where you can
6 cuddle the baby
magic feeling i will never forget.
congrats.
2007-12-09 07:08:24 · answer #7 · answered by Patrick F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are in for a wild ride for the next 18 years or so, but it is very rewarding
when all is said and done, probably the only thing you'll ever do in your life that actually means something
make up your mind to be the best dad you can, no, that doesn't mean to be perfect at all times, just ry your best and things will work out
try to encourage your children to do the things they love and thre things they are good at, everybody is different, but we all need encouragement
if you have sons realize that any word from Dad sounds ten times more powerful than anything anybody else says or does, even if they are arguing or whatever
set a good example as best you can, they will learn a million times more from what they see than what they hear
support their Mom at all times and be there for her when things are hard
those are my best ideas, I have three sons (youngest is now 18)
2007-12-09 07:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by yyyyyy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats!!! Hopefully you will treat your girlfriend's son equally because he is just a child and it is not his fault for your current situation- especially if you are thinking about marrying your girlfriend in the near future.
Don't worry, everything will fall into place when the baby is born. You sound motivated to be involved w/ this baby, so you should have no problem. look in the internet and buy books about newborn care- Good Luck!!!! CONGRATS!
2007-12-09 07:08:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice that you are treating her son as yours. Is your girlfriend pregnant now? Or you are two planning on having children? Either way, just make sure her son now gets your love and attention as well. Make him feel included and part of the family still. You may think it will be difficult, but if you love him already it won't be so hard.
Sounds like you're on the right track. Just keep loving him and accepting him.
2007-12-09 07:06:25 · answer #10 · answered by N and A's Momma 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Spend lotsa time with him that's how you'll learn to be a good dad, it's normal to feel overwhelmed. Women feel overwhelmed too but don't admit it because they think there supposed to know how to do that. I'm sure you'll love him just as much when your second child will come. Kids have a way of getting to us, but remember it's very important for him to spend time with you.
2007-12-09 07:07:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋