should I lower my expectations?

Question

I have been dating this man for a year. All along he has known how I feel about smoking - I don't date someone who smokes. He told me he quit, but I keep catching him. Two things: 1) he lied, 2) he is smoking. He doesn't do it around me, but I can smell it and just knowing he does it is causing issues. Also, I have kids and do not want them infulenced by this.Other than this, he is really, really good to me. Should I lower my "standards" and just accept this? Or should I walk away? What would you do?

Answer 1

oh fuckinh get over hid smoking. If you really liked him you wouldn't care. but if you want to use that as an excuse, go ahead and walk away

Answer 2

You have obviously never been a steady smoker. You have the notion all a smoker has to do is quit, period. Honey, it ain't that easy. There was once a true story of a man who had his larynx removed from cancer caused by smoking. Shortly after the operation the surgeon found the guy smoking through the hole in his throat. No way could he quit.

If this is such an issue with you now, save both of you a lot of trouble and probable divorce and walk(run ?) away now.

Answer 3

As I see it, it isn't the smoking as much as the lying. If a man will lie to you he will also do other things, such as cheat.

You can't change him. He is addicted to nicotine and he cannot quit until he is ready to. It's strictly up to him and you can't change his behavior. You have to either accept his smoking (and lying) or you have to walk away.

Me? I'd walk away. There are a lot of non-smoking men out there who would appreciate you and the qualities you have to offer. Go find one of them. Otherwise, a year from now, five years from now, you'll look back and regret not having moved on when you should have.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I am an ex-smoker and heres the thing, you can't tell somebody to quit, it is nearly impossible to quit simply because someone tells you to. You have to understand how hard it is to quit and how much mental and physical stress you go through, you may think you are doing a good thing but it has to be something he does on his own. You can give him facts on why he should quit, but that decision has to be made on his own and there is really nothing you can do. It all depends on what you want, how much do you care about him? Is smoking really effecting you in any way to dump him or are you just mad because you can't control him to quit? Think about that one.

Answer 5

Great Question... If this bother's you that much, then end it! You cannot nor do you have the right to try to change someone's habits. When HE is ready, he'll quit or not! If you nag him, he'll continue to smoke behind your back. I could think of 10 other things that would be "lowering my standards" but I'm not you...

Answer 6

Just sit down with him and talk to him about it. Make him feel like you're there for him but at the same time, nudge him to go to the doctor and get some patches.
He should want to work on it so that he could be with you. If he doesn't fix the habit now, he may keep it forever. Let him know what a big deal it is to you and that you'll help him stop.

Answer 7

My question to you is this the only thing that he lying to you about.Think about it.Don't lower your standards or expectations of what you want for yourself.In other words don't settle.

Answer 8

Walk away! not only is he a smoker, but he LIED to you! If he lied about something that stupid, what else could he be lying about?? he doesnt respect ur feelings or opinions, find someone that does.

Answer 9

tough one, but maybe you need to explain to him how strongly you feel about the smoking and if he cares enough for you and your kids he will try and quit - but be supportive and help him quit - its really hard and he needs want to do it for himself too, otherwise he will resent you. good luck....