My dad and i don't get along?

Question

My dad has been cheating on my mom for about 5 years already with lots of other women with kids. every time my mom found out she would throw him out of the house for like a week, but it wouldn't last because he would come back and she would forgive him. the thing is he's still doing it. he's never home taking care of his children and paying the bills. it's like im my 3 younger brothers' dad. cause my mom works 2 jobs so we don't see her as much either. Well my mom and i sometimes get into arguments because i won't forgive him for all that he is done. and i know that i will never forgive him because he would hit my brothers and i when we were younger when he was in a bad mood. I'm now 18 and haven't forgiven him. How can i tell him i don't want nothing to do with him?

Answer 1

Okay, this is the exact same situation my husband was in. He cared for his 5 little brothers and sisters until he left for college. His dad leaves for months at a time and has probably had children all across the United States. Drop him from your life. I know that sounds harsh- but you will never be able to move on with yours until you can block his ways out of your own head. You don't even have to tell him... he will figure out what a lousy father he was. Sometimes actions hurt worse than words. My husband is now 26 and barely speaks to his father. His father calls ALL the time, but he still hardly ever answers his phone calls. Key though: don't abandon your siblings. They need you more than you know.

Answer 2

You should see a counselor to get past your hurt and resentment. That is for YOU, not so that you can let him back into your life. Negative feelings toward another person will affect ONLY YOU... which is why you need to deal with it.

My dad was abusive to me growing up. I am now an adult and do have some contact with him but if I think he is being a butt, I tell him so. I am fortunate, but I don't live in the same house as he does. I also sat down and talked to him once telling him how he made me feel when I was younger and he used to beat me.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to him face to face, write a letter. Put down everything that you feel and then re-read it. If you need to alter it, do so. Once you feel it is exactly what you want to say, then give it to him. You can request that he not be part of your life because you will not allow him to harm you anymore.

Answer 3

First of all, you need to approach your mom about this. Although you side with her for the obvious reasons, she is taking him back and continuously letting him hurt her and her children. I'm guessing she has some self esteem and attachment issues that could be greatly helped by a psychologist.

As for your father, you can stop taking his phone calls, do not answer the door when he comes to your house, and refuse to spend time with him. Don't let it go to shouting matches, and do not insult him. Just be very mature in saying that, at this time, you do not feel it would be best to spend time with him. You have some things you would like to figure out first.

If he protests, outline exactly why, in a calm manner, you feel that this should happen. As long as you are mature and adult about this, he cannot argue. If he persists, you can take measures to keep him away, especially if he was absuive or if you feel threatened.

Good luck. :) And I was very serious about the advice for your mother. A happy, confident woman, would have kicked your father out and not let him back. I really sympathize with your family, and hope your mom gets help to feel better about herself.

Answer 4

I am very sorry about your family situation. It looks like your mom got a rotten end of the deal and so did you and your siblings. Your mom is not strong enough to leave him after marriage and kids and that jeopardized your happiness and even your physical safety. You should cut ties with him, but not permanently. He needs to get his act together and apologize to you, go for counseling etc. But don't oust him forever because when he is your parent and I am sure you must have a few good memories with him. It will be much more hurtful for all involved if nobody talks at all.

Answer 5

Just do not go around him and have as little to do with him as possible. You do not have to say things like this to get your point across. When you do not go to many things because he is there then everyone will get the picture. When asked be nice and just state your opinion. I would rather not be around him for the things that he has done. Just try to keep peace in your family.

Answer 6

you still live in his house, but don't want anything to do with him?

well, almost every speaker I have ever listened to regarding this subject says that if you don't learn to forgive and forget, it will be YOU who suffers. The person you are mad at probably doesn't even know, and probably wouldn't care anyway. Its just a huge waste of emotional energy.

Answer 7

I used to hate my dad. I love him now. I found that only talking to him once a week helps. Seeing him is best. We would do something fun so we would enjoy our time together. You should forgive him, but I understand if you can't for a couple years. Please do not cut off your relationship. Every girl needs a father.

Answer 8

You dont need to tell him. When you are old enough to leave home and set up by yourself you will not invite him round and he will soon get the message.
Unfortunately whilst your mum is prepared to put up with him you are living in his home as well so you will have to tolerate him until one of you leaves voluntarily.

Answer 9

Leave and don't come back, that will get your point across.

Answer 10

try leaving him a letter or something