The purpose of funeral and death rituals -- for the dead, the living, or both?

Question

Hello, all:

I've just passed the six month anniversary of my mother's death, and I find myself thinking about it quite a bit. This lead me to some questions: What purpose do death and funeral rituals really serve? How do they help the living? And do they help the dead in any way, for example by helping the transition of their spirits (assuming that spirits exist)?

I hope to hear people's opinions and perhaps to learn something about how different religions deal with death.

As always, thanks to everyone who takes the time to answer.

Thank you, 8 Track Mind. :-)

(((HUGS))) Pangel!

Answer 1

((((HUGS))))

it is for the living sweetheart , as a form of closure
to help us celebrate their lives

spirit are free as soon as they pass ...
although our grief can hold them close , as they wish to help us heal
from what I understand though , they are very close to this realm for a few days after death ( usually 3 )
if we wish to help them fully with their transition , we have to allow ourself to heal , and remember them with fondness

I hope you are healing sweetheart xx

Answer 2

There is no need to feel queasy about contemplation of death long you are not morbidly obsessed by the concept. It is just a little too serious part of being alive, and every healthy mind every now and then would think about the reality of dying alongside the meaningfulness of living. You are not standing on any edge but right in the middle of life. What you mean by death, the reality beyond as in time and place all serve to fulfil the purpose of living, while we are well and truly alive. Religion pay special attention to constructing purposeful mindset with the use of the concepts of and beyond dying. If you know that you are dead that you are all the more alive for some higher purpose. It is not uncommon in spiritual and mystical traditions to action assume the posture of death for deep contemplation, but this practice is for the most resolute, devoted, committed and most worthy for noble causes. But for the purposes of mere mortals like us, it sufficient if we define dying as part of our faithful beliefs. What after all would be in you to feel that you are dead, if not something alive beyond all the reaches of death?

Answer 3

I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my father in August so I do understand.

I believe that the ritual are just for the living. It gives us a chance to say goodbye and let go. I know some people seem to never let go though.

I don't believe it helps the spirit in anyway because at the point they go back to being without body they don't need the ritual. They may enjoy knowing that we care so much about them that we would hold these rituals.

Like Raji, I don't believe my body is more than a vessel. When I go they can cremate the body and throw it to the winds. I will see it as a liberation. I don't won't people to be sad that I'm dead, I want them to remember me and know I enjoyed my life and the time I shared with each one of them.

I have to say that with my beliefs it was easier on me when my Dad left his body behind. I knew that he was free of the burden and limitation that the body means. I also knew that he was ok now. I miss him everyday but I know he is ok now. The cancer had really taken his body. He was a fighter till the end and I had to be strong for him. I watched him and the way he would respond when my sister would get hysterical. He was out of it but when she was holding his hand he wouldn't let her go. The rest of us held it together while around him because we didn't want him to worry about us.

Answer 4

Prarie, You have my condolences for the loss of you mother. My mother died is 1999 and I still miss her enormously. We were not only Mother and son but also best friends and used to talk for hours every week, even though we were thousands of miles apart.

In today's western society, funerals seem to be mostly for those left behind. However in other cultures, funeral rites are intended to guide the spirit of the deceased into the next life. Cherished possessions are interred or cremated along with the remains in order to insure that the deceased would have all that was needed to continue in the next life. So, I guess it would depend on which culture that is doing the funeral.

My own beliefs are that I don't care what happens to my shell as I won't be needing it for the next life. I do NOT want a formal funeral, nor do I want a bunch of folks hanging around, grieving. I'd much rather have them alll throw a big party, get drunk or whatever, and talk about all the good times we had together and remember me for my huge sense of humor. I'd even enjoy it if they sat me up and put a mug of mead in my hands, kind of like I were still there, celebrating my passing along with them. I view death NOT as something to grieve but as a Graduation from the lessons of this lifetime and I want those around me to celebrate that happy occasion rather than mourn my loss.

Brightest Blessings,
Raji the Green Witch

Answer 5

((((HUGS)))) Losing your Mom must have been hard for you and it still is for sure.

I'm also of the opinion that death ceremonies are for the living ones. It does help in a way, you know. It's like you have one official chance to say goodbye. But I'm afraid many people aren't able to really let go till later in life. Shock is too huge, pain too deep ...

As for death ceremonies in my family ... well, I come from a Muslim family and every member of my family is buried according to Islamic traditions. That means that when a person dies, he/she is usually buried the same or next day. A special prayer ritual is performed at the graveyard. Men are allowed to attend the funeral only (although in some countries women are allowed too), Qur'an is recited and so on.

Personally, I'm an atheist - so are my parents. We do call ourselves Muslims because religion in my country is a matter of identity only (long story really). I have a hunch I'll be buried according to Islamic traditions even though I don't want to. But oh well, who cares?! As long as my son keeps me in good memory, I don't care where my body ends up.

So sorry about your loss again. I can't even imagine losing my mother. She is after all the only being alive who really wishes the best for me.
.

Answer 6

Most people would say that it is a way to celebrate someones life, but for most funerals that is not the case. If someone was celebrating someones life they would not be weeping and feeling sorry for their own loss. Funerals are just a way for the living to say one last goodbye before the person is put into the ground or cremated. The spirit is long gone before the funeral even occurs.

Answer 7

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my father four years ago and still miss him very much. His absence is always felt more during holidays (also, he died the day after Thanksgiving).

Death rituals are mainly for the living, I think, as many others have said. Rituals exist for us to mark the event; to stop and remember (in this case, our loved one).

I don't believe our culture prepares us very well for the inevitable. We all know death will happen, but we tend to deny it. Then when it happens, we don't have many tools to deal with it. There are other cultures that prepare for death; they accept it as part of life. The one thing that helped me with the death of my father was his awareness that he could die at any time...he didn't think he would live past 40 but got 35 years, and appreciated every moment.

Last year, in one of my classes we studied about death rituals. One that really touched me was a ritual in Japan in which a friend or family member stands by the coffin and talks TO the deceased and gets a chance to say things they hadn't had a chance to say when alive.

Answer 8

The main benefit for the dead is spiritual. A large amount of religions place great emphasis on proper disposal of corpses, and if it is done right it should ensure that the spirit of the dead person makes it into a positive afterlife. Examples of this include the Hellenic (Greek) custom of placing coins under the tongues of the deceased to enable them to cross the River Styx and the Catholic funeral sacraments.

Living people can also take comfort from this for both religious and emotional reasons, which is why there are such a large range of options ranging from burial to cremation to 'burials-at-sea' depending on the tastes of the living person and the wishes of the dead person.

Answer 9

I always believed they were more for the family although in some religions I hear they are for the dead, but the ones I am familiar with are the Christian ones and they are for family. As 8 track said it helps the mourning process and also it helps in finalizing the life. It gives closer. I turn on the news and family who have missing relatives for years feel their loved one is dead but not sure and they want to know and have a funeral for closer.

I think funerals help start the healing process.

I too am sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

For me, funerals are for the living: I don't believe that the fate of a soul changes because of any rituals performed or not performed by others still alive. They are a chance to say final goodbyes and come to terms with the death. I had a grandfather die very suddenly halfway across the country. I didn't get to say goodbye to him while he was alive and it was almost a week before I could view the body, and that week was very nervewracking. It was like I intellectually knew he was dead but it still felt like he was alive, and the conflict was awful. I felt much better after I got to see him.

Answer 11

First off I would like to say that I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I believe that the living and the departed go through these rituals as a way of cleansing.

For the living:
A funeral helps us say goodbye to our loved ones. To lay their body to rest back into the Earth which created that body. Depending on your religious outlook, once the body has been respectfully placed in a state of exit and peace (by method of burial/fire/etc); It is thought that the spirit/soul of that individual can move forward on their journey. They are free from the bounds that held them to this world. Most find it is important to pray and/or acknowledge their loved one as they cross over. Well wishes and thoughts of love are believed to help a soul move forward.

For the departed spirit:
(My own opinion of course) I believe that the transition from this life into the next is much like being born all over again. It is an exciting/nervous/emotional time for the soul. I believe that our loved ones are aware that they have died and that we are down here grieving for them and learning how to let go. They may come to us in dreams and let us know they are ok. We may feel their spirit around us giving us strength when times get hard. They have the best of both worlds..literally! As we need their strength and love they also need ours. Many may feel guilty about letting go of this world and moving on unless we tell them "hey, it's ok- we love you, be at peace".
They are going through something we as humans cannot understand because it hasn't happened to us yet.

It should be noted here that this process not only happens to humans but with animals as well. I believe anything in this world (and beyond) with substance and spirit mourns their dead. Death will forever be the greatest mystery to the living. I do not believe that it is something to be feared or ignored. We should honor and celebrate our loved ones who have crossed over. Our link to them will never expire. We are all bound together by spirit and by love- they are never to far away. We would do well to remember that.