I've a brother and sis in law with 2 boys, & a cousin aged 43 who has 5 kids & 2 grandsons. For the past few years, I've bought presents & cards for ALL their birthdays & Christmas. Yet I get my birthday card late, my husbands birthday gets forgotten, & they are often late for my daughter's birthday. In fact my cousin NEVER buys my daughter a gift, though I buy all her kids prezys all the time. My brother buys her a Xmas prezy & thats the only time he ever visits me. I visit him every 2-3 mths.
This Spring, my bro sent my daughter a card & pressie,2 months AFTER her birthday! I got all 4 of his family their cards & gifts to them on time, throughout Jan/Feb!
Should I not give prezys to ANY of them this Christmas? I know U shouldn't give 2 receive, but it upsets me that I make so much effort & they make squat & it upsets me that my cousin never buys my ONE child anything coz she's supposedly broke; she smokes 140 fags a wk tho! SHE never visits either, tho I visit her evry 2 mnths
2007-12-09 04:54:59 · 7 answers · asked by SMEG AND THE HEADS 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I disagree with most of the posts here. When it comes to your cousin; I don't think you *should* carry on sending gifts for her kids at all. Why on earth should you?! Like you said, you don't give to receive 'per se,' but there does have to be a line drawn. IMO, when people NEVER bother giving anything to your kids (like your cousin,) when you're buying for all 5 of her kids (and 2 grandkids,) then why should you bother? What; she can't be arsed to EVER buy for your one child, supposedly cuz she can't afford it, but she can still afford to smoke. If she can't buy a gift for your daughter, or doesn't have any intention of buying her one; then she should not be taking them off you for HER kids. She should tell you that she would rather not exchange gifts as it's something she wants to stop doing.
Your daughter must be very hurt that she gets nothing from them. It's all right people saying 'you should still buy gifts - the children shouldn't suffer because of the thoughtless adults' But no-one seems to be taking into account; your daughter being neglected and left with no gift from this selfish, self-absorbed woman. What about your DAUGHTER'S feelings?
If it were a case of she just doesn't buy gifts, then that would be one thing; but the fact that she doesn't ever bother with you, never visits or texts or writes or invites you round or ANYthing, then she is giving NOTHING to this relationship. It's clearly all one-sided, with you making all the effort; so you should give nothing either. Just send a card this Christmas - you have no reason to be sending presents to someone who never gives you a second thought & who clearly doesn't give a stuff about your daughter. This kind of self-absorbed, insular person is always me, me, me, and probably thinks you SHOULD be buying for her and her kids, because she is 'oh-so-hard-done-by.' I know this type, and they will take take take, as long you keep giving; without giving a modicum of effort in return...
As for your brother; if he was 2 months late for your daughter's birthday & didn't even acknowledge your husband's birthday, then make sure *his* childrens' Christmas presents are 2 months late too. See how he likes it; and make sure that you don't acknowledge his wife's birthday either; like he didn't acknowledge your husband's birthday. Treat people as they treat you. Why should you be making all this effort, with people who treat you with such contempt?
Have a nice Christmas with the people who CARE about you and think about you all year round!
JMHO.
2007-12-09 23:37:22 · answer #1 · answered by Angel-fire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should only do what makes you happy. Everyone has reasons for not being able to do things and you might not agree with them. What you need to think about is will it make you feel better to not send gifts or will you feel good about sending something. Maybe don't give a very big gift or just do a card. I have a family like this and I just continue to buy what I want because I love to see my nieces faces when they get something from me. I also do smaller items for the ones who don't make an effort. It's not about recieving a gift but making an effort to recognize that peoples birthdays are special. I would prefer a phone call over a card or gift anytime. It shows me that they care about me enough to take time out of there busy day to say hi. Good luck and hope this helps.
2007-12-09 05:21:17 · answer #2 · answered by sanzoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it seems like all your effort goes unappreciated, just start sending out cards, with a gift card inside for a small amount. People will start getting the hint. Either they'll smarten up or continue to be the same, but you win either way, because it's no big deal to get a gift card.
2007-12-09 05:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a 100% sure about it b4 making ure first move if u get calls or clues from ppl than u should talk to him about it, and if he's acting diffrent around u than that would be the first one don't sneak on him though having bad thoughs about it pushes negative into the relationship try getting close to him. Always makes it a happy relationship when u have trust on eachother.
2016-04-08 03:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As should said yourself it is more important to give than to receive, I think your hurt because of the little to no effort that they put into gift giving. Don't punish the kids because of careless thoughtless adults.
2007-12-09 05:02:21 · answer #5 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it makes you happy to buy them gifts then you should continue. You said that you don't give to receive so then what is the problem?
2007-12-09 05:02:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be giving gifts from the heart, not to get something in return.
2007-12-09 05:18:26 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋