I need some advice on how to encourage my boyfriend's 17 year old son to leave our home.?

Question

My boyfriend's 17 year old son dropped out of Year 9, unemployed, not looking for a job, got his girlfriend pregnant (she had an abortion thankfully) steals our money, arrested for shoplifting, lies and is unreliable. He also swears at his dad. His mother lives 5 minutes away but he doesn't want to live with her because she has 3 younger children (i.e. noise factor for him). He's brought pets to our home when we've told him not to. We've tried talking to him logically and calmly but nothing seems to work! I am desperate. We have a 2 bedroom home, I am thinking perhaps I should get pregnant therefore he'd have no choice but to move in with his mother.

I am 31 in two more days and my biological clock is ticking away...

As far as I'm concerned he's had a happy childhood, no abusive upbringing, loving grandparents, no learning disability, is althletic etc. My boyfriend says his son's not had enough discipline as a child (i.e. no boundaries etc).

Please help me.

Answer 1

Just ride it out until he's 18 and then kick him out.

Answer 2

That's so sad how this kid is acting out like that! He obviously is going through a tough time in his teen years like SO many kids do. He needs love, encouragement, support, and guidance right now - not to be seperated from his stable environment of your family! He does need to know there will be consequences for his chosen behavior, but what you've got to do is catch him and praise him and "reward" him for each and every -no matter how small- effort that he is making. You chose this role as "strp-mom", so you and your husband are not yet finished raising him....you can both step up to the parental plate and tell him you guys are on the verge of thinking of kicking him out but that you also want to help him to turn things around. Be prepared for an attitude at first - most teens will test big time and say FINE! if I'm not wanted here...but deep inside they are so hurt.

By the way - shame on you for even suggesting that having a baby would solve this problem! A child ought to be brought into the world out of pure love and longing for a child...NOT being born for someone else's convenience. I don't mean to sound harsh at all...but sometimes things are easier for an outside to see - especially when you have been stressed like you have...sometimes logic and reason goes out the window for a bit and all you can think of is doing anything to make that stress go away. I do understand that, so I do commend you for letting others help you in this forum and Good Luck! It's going to take time before the teen son is once again a positive contributing member of the family, but with your help, it can happen :-)

Answer 3

Honestly having children is so hard these days,but just because he is not your son and has made bad choices you should still be there for him.

Be firm but don't throw him out in the street. Tell him he must hold down a job and teach him to be self sufficent. It takes work but is well worth it. Talk to a professional....

Getting pregnant is not a good idea just to get a child out of the house. What will you do if your new child starts acting the same way when he/she gets older??

You will have only yourself to blame. We are human beings and all far from perfect.

Everytime you point your finger there are always 3 pointing back at you.....

Answer 4

I think he needs to tell her to chill out a bit, unrequited love is not very nice. He shouldn't be mean to her though because she obviously really likes him.As you said his love should not be bought he either likes her or he doesn't. Honesty is the best policy so he needs to say 'I think your'e comming on too strong and its not what I really want or need' If he is honest with her and points out the resons why he feels she is becoming suffocating she will look at the situation objectively and try and change for when she meets someone in the future. The worst thing he could do is lead her on.

Answer 5

First off if you do that you will probably Lose boyfriend..And if B F lets his son talk to him the way you indicate he's not much in the way of "dad" or man in his own home. I'm 70yrs old and have raised 5 sons and a daughter and none of will talk that way to me even now. Not at my home. They All Understand the re-verbs that would come forth.
But have You ask the young man just what He wants of his life and What His problem is. Then talk to The Creator about it.(see/hear what He says about it.

Answer 6

Neither you or your husband need to reproduce. Denial is a powerful thing, but children who do what your step son is doing are NOT ok. Everyone needs boundaries, discipline and guidance. As a parent, you do those things BEFORE your children become a burden to society, as your step son is. Your husband has been a pretty lousy dad apparently, and anyone who is willing to simply throw away a child to replace it with another one, isn't going to make it as a mother.

Get some family counseling, including this boy's bio mom.

Answer 7

Enrol him into the army ?