My boyfriend bought christmas gifts for my sons, which I don't expect him to do....I make sure my boys have Christmas and he buys his daughters gifts. To make a long story short.....my boyfriend got mad because my son didn't jump to take out the trash when he asked him to, and took back everything he bought for both boys for Christmas. Do you honestly think that was right???? Then, he said he felt bad for taking the gifts back, but he would be a fool to keep them and give them to the boys...(my kids are 9 & 4.) He said my son was being disrespectful for not taking out the trash when he asked. Am I over-reacting???? Do you think that was wrong??? How should I feel about that????? I know I will not be getting his daughter any gifts.....Is that wrong of me????
2007-12-09 03:33:01 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I might be wrong, but isn't it a little weird that he is disciplining your children when he is not their father? I personally don't think he has that right. You are the parent. What YOu say, goes.
2007-12-09 03:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 2⤋
If he already bought the gifts he shouldn't take them back, that's wrong, and he should've just gave him time out, or some other punishment, but kids are kids, I have to tell my boys (9 and 6) things over and over, but they'll do it, as long as they don't give you an attitude, when they do they get a day without tv, but christmas is special and I think all kids should at least get a little gift, does he know you were not planning on buying anything for his daughter? Maybe he's taking that out on you and your sons? Everything should be equal if you ask me. Good luck though!
2007-12-09 03:39:11 · answer #2 · answered by acia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! YOU are not the one that over-reacted here! Your boyfriend had an adult temper-tantrum and for some reason thinks he is above apologising to your son and bringing back the gifts. What he did was wrong! - your boys will be traumitized about Christmas if he doesn't bring the gifts back...because, Christmas is Christmas - it is NOT to be used as a punishment!
What your boyfriend can do now is bring the gifts back, apologise, and be a man and tell your son that he was wrong. He can tell your son that next time he needs some discipline, that it won't be about presents, but rather some other item of consequence. And you...why would you accept such controlling behavior from your boyfriend? why didn't you stick up for your son? Our children come waaaaaay before a man in our lives.
2007-12-09 04:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by Dana C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this guy has a little Borderline Personality Disorder working for him. Personally, I don't think it is wrong for a boyfriend or girlfriend to be involved in raising children if you've been together for a long time...like a few years. However, his method of punishment was pretty out of line. Taking away a child's Christmas gift?
Consider this a view of what's to come. If he does things like this while you are dating, it would only get worse in the future and after getting married.
Also, no one can tell you how you SHOULD feel...you feel what you feel. However, I would feel creeped out by his actions.
I don't think the buying gifts part is an issue if there is no ulterior motive behind it. You can give a gift to a stranger if you have a good heart and expect nothing in return. If he expects you to buy his kid a gift just because he bought your kids gifts, then there is something wrong. Get what I mean?
2007-12-09 03:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by ®PsychologyGuy 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First off, is this a long term boyfriend? How long have you two been together? Second, do you see yourself marrying him in the future? Because if you don't, he should not be able to discipline your children. Third, if you give a child something, the only way you should be able to take it back is if you are a parent. Example. Child won't do homework, you take away his Xbox for a period of time. But it seems to me that your boyfriend took the gifts away out of spite and to be mean, not to teach the child a lesson. And if only one son didn't take out the trash, why did he take the gifts back from both of them??? You have to watch who you invite into your home, boyfriend or not, men make lasting impressions on kids, and until you decide you are going to marry someone I would not have a man around them all the time. It could create false hopes of having a "new daddy" around or the kids could not like him and hate you for it. Think about it. Also, don't be mean to his child because he was mean to yours, two wrongs don't make a right.
2007-12-09 03:43:07 · answer #5 · answered by fglns 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is acting as a role model in your home for your boys, when you give, a gift you give it from your heart. Your boyfriend overstepped the boundaries when he did a hurtful thing by taking back this gift, not to mention diciplining him without consulting you, that is your job not his. And even though you are not getting his daughter a gift ask him how that would make him feel if you did his daughter the way he treated your sons. Talk to this boyfriend, because this situation has got to be handled, let him know that he is not allowed to dicipline your children, and that you have an obligation to your child to protect him if he is treated unfairly.
2007-12-09 05:18:23 · answer #6 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok Adults.....Grow up the both of you!
Yes, your boyfriend actions were immature. Your son should have been disciplined but in a different way and by the same token, since I assume you are all living together, family time and household responsibilites should have been discussed previously. If your son is bucking authority find out why. He is only 9 yrs old and needs to listen to his elders.
If you are all living as a family, then it is up to the adults to act together as a unit, discipline or the lack of needs to be discussed between the two of you and you both need to be on the same page and support each others decisions. All children in a relationship need to be treated as equals also the same set of rules that apply to one most apply to all.
On your part ... don't be petty... His child has done nothing to deserve bad treatment . Be the better "man" and get his daughter a gift if that was what you were planning to do before this episode.
**If this is a serious relationship between you two then I would urge the both of you to get counseling on marriage and parenting BEFORE you tie the knot or you will be looking at a divorce down the road.
2007-12-09 03:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by That_ blue_ eyed_ Irish_ lass 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do YOU feel about that? Firstly, he is trying to play Santa Claus if the children have been naughty for the whole year they would deserve to have the toys taken. But for just one incident I think that was a bit much. What he could do is take the gifts from them and promise that when asked to do anything further before Christmas they must do it or no gifts. It will edge them on to do good all the time especially before Christmas so they can get their gifts for work well done!
2007-12-09 04:07:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a little over the top, don't you think? It wasn't as if he didn't take out the trash, he just didn't take it out immediately. Depending on how long it took him to do it & the tone he got, maybe I'd have taken away tv priviledges for the night, but not the presents. I think that your boyfriend is a control freak & you should look into leaving him. If this is what he's going to do when it is just a kid taking out the trash, what is he going to do when it is something that he thinks is even worse? Beat him?
BIG red flags here sweetie!!! He's not even their dad & he thinks that he can discipline them like this? Maybe he didn't have to buy the gifts, but that's not the issue here. The issue is that your boyfriend freaked out over what was probably nothing. If your boyfriend is going to be a part of your kids' lives permanently he's got to learn how to compromise & not blow his top.
2007-12-09 03:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You guys have some work to do when it comes to blending your family. Taking the gifts back was irrational of him. Not buying his daughter gifts isn't very giving of you. It sounds like you both need to learn how to put personal feelings aside when it comes to helping to parents the others children. There should certainly be rules in place (for things like who takes out the garbage and when) and consequences that apply all year long for not doing a certain chore. Taking away holiday gifts isn't a consequence that you can apply in January. There are plenty of parenting books out there that show you how to run your family in a positive and cohesive way. I suggest you find a few and read them together. One book that comes to mind is Stephen Covey's "Seven Habits for Effective Families". It's a great book and he addresses blended families throughout the book. Learn how to come together and love ALL of the children involved. None of them asked for this situation. It's up to the adults to make sure that things are fair, loving and nurturing while teaching them about responsibilities and how to be a success in life. Good luck :)
2007-12-09 03:44:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its not wrong of you to not give his daughter a gift but its not her fault, always remember that. Your boyfreind doesnt sound to nice, are you sure that you are happy with him? He seems that he likes to control everything and come on! If you were a little boy would you really want to put the trash out?
I think you should take some time out and have a good hard think about this man, its not just about you its about your children, this isnt fair on your little boys to miss out.
2007-12-09 03:40:48 · answer #11 · answered by Amie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋