What can you do when family members refuse to speak to one another?

Question

I have members of my family that have not spoken together for more than two years. Have you experienced this also?

I am a Christian and I have spoken to both sides about forgiveness, but still to no avail. I also try to be an example by not getting angry at people, and by giving people room to apologize / repent. Is there anything else that I can do? All are welcome to answer.

Answer 1

There is no magic to help them grow and heal... you must let them work it out in their own way and time. It is sad, but usually if you try to be the healer, you'll just get caught in the middle. On rare occasion, there are family members who should distance themselves and just not talk.

I had a cousin who would not speak to her father for many years. Everyone felt sorry for him, and tried to get her to talk to him. After he died, we discovered that he had horribly abused her for many years. She had to stay away from him to protect herself.

You just never know the "real" story. Leave them to work through it without interference, however well-meaning it may be.

Answer 2

Absolutely nothing you can do. This is their problem to solve, and it may be better that they don't speak to each other.
I was not speaking to a family member, another stuck her head into the matter that was none of her business and now I do not speak to her.
It's not yours to give them room to repent.
I doubt you know all of both sides, and I doubt you want to know.
I have not spoken with most members of my family for 10 years, and my life is much better. My only regret is I did not do this when I was 18.
If you are a Christian all will notice - so just treat them all as Christians would. Sorry, I just find it irritating when people are compelled to say hello, I'm a Christian. Give me a minute, please, I'll notice.

Answer 3

If both sides are set on not speaking, the only thing you might be able to do is just gently let them know that it would help with family harmony if they could settle their differences. Perhaps they could "do it for the kids" if there are any affected by this spat. You could offer to mediate, but I wouldn't press the issue. Just leave the option open to them both and wait.

I don't know whether they are religious or not, but if they are not, then talking to each side about forgiveness might not help, especially if you do it from a religious point of view. If they are not religious, approach the issue from a secular / family harmony perspective instead.

Answer 4

arrange a gathering and invite everyone...Let them chose to come or stay away. Eventually they will be at a funeral or wedding together and may reconcile...I also have family members that actually still love each other but hate what the one has done to them so they don't speak. Eventually these things fade away....time will come when all fields will be level.

Answer 5

My eldest brother disassociated himself with our family for a number of years for no apparent reason other than he didn't like having "rules" as a teenager. (I suspect drugs were involved in his choices, but I was too young at that time so I don't know for sure - I've only heard stories.) About 8 years ago, he reappeared and tried to connect again. Since then, he has used myself and the rest of the family every time we've given him the chance to be a part of our lives. He has hurt us over and over. Yet for a time, we all found our own ways to forgive him and give him another chance...and another...and another...

When he lost his job and his apartment, I let him stay at my place for awhile....and one day when I wasn't home he searched MY bedroom closet and found jars of change that were hidden in the back which I was saving for a rainy day, and took them. At the last family gathering he actually bothered to attend, he told lies to me about my other brother and vice versa in attempts to start a fight between us - apparently he didn't like the fact that my other brother and I get along okay with each other and the rest of the family. He has broken Mom's heart over and over, every time she has tried to reach out to him.

While I believe in forgiveness to an extent - some things one can't just continue to "forgive and forget"...especially when the one you forgive doesn't learn their lesson and keeps making the same mistakes. Now, if he wants to keep making mistakes and messing up his own life, that's fine - but we need not let him drag us down with him. There comes a time when one determines whether they really need this other person in their life or not. Just because we were born into the same family, doesn't mean we *have* to love and trust each other. Would I like it better if my family all got along well and we could be closer? Sure. But, my oldest brother is 53 years old and still up to his same old tricks. I do not speak to him myself and do not allow him in my house, nor do I expect anyone else in the family to continue to tolerate the way he treats them...but that is their choice - I stand neutral when they make their choices of how to deal with him. At this point, I have accepted that he is who he is and that will not change, but I do not need him in my life hurting me and stealing from me.

Not knowing the reasons that your two family members choose not to speak to each other, I would say there is nothing more you can do than what you've already done. If the case is similar to mine where one is consistently doing things that are hard to forgive, then maybe it's for the best. If they're arguing over something silly and trivial, then it will be up to them to grow beyond that and make amends. You've done the best you can to be there for each of them and plant the seeds of thought on forgiveness and family, and now you just have to sit back and let them be who they are and make their own choices.

Best Wishes.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, family squabbles can last for years - each side caught up in their own "I'm right" mentality that they don't see what they are doing to the rest of the family. Often, it takes some type of family crisis to eventually bring the two sides back together.

One question you might ask them to think about: "If the other person were to die today, would you regret not having reconciled with them?"

Answer 7

Stay out of it. Be available but stay out of it. You can't know their hearts or the source of the pain and sometimes its kinder for people to NOT speak. You are lucky they didnt trample you if you approached them about forgiveness without them asking. There are people in our family who have no association with me and my family and for very good reason. I am a Christian. I have left my anger at the altar. I have forgiven them. I dont go out of my way to look them or up or be chummy.....I have left that to God also. I pray for them and I pray for willingness. So far, God has not put it on my heart to do anything more than take care of the people HE puts in my life and that has not (yet) included them. If HE decides to put them back in my path, I pray for a willing and a contrite heart. In the meantime, I have seen lots of opportunities where people that remind me of them cross my path....so I believe God is giving me some practice (lol) first. We all have sin in our hearts and we all do some lame things; we can't all get along....we will not always agree and be agreeable even though there are blood ties. Sometimes the nicest thing to do is to zip your lip and walk away. Let God handle it in his own infinite timing. over the holidays---there will be plenty of family fights and drama because people are not willing to separate. Forcing solutions without getting right with God doesnt work. for my two cents.... I respect the need to sometimes stay away. Focus on your relationship with ea one individually. You are blessed to be welcome in both (or all) their homes.

Answer 8

our family hasnt spoken in more than 20 years, I am fine with it, My "mom" is a catholic, on her 6th marriage , my brother is now my sister, God told him to have a sex change to get woman.
My "mom" kept the inheritance I was to get from my fathers death because I wasnt a Christian, and she bought a new car with it.
So I just have a great life without those "Christian" hypocrites in it.

Answer 9

while the mummy volunteers to relinquish, (i think of) CPS tries to honor her needs. If she feels that her mom and dad or different kinfolk unit does no longer make the excellent domicile, then it somewhat is lifelike that CPS take that into consideration. it must be that the mummy blames her mom and dad for the subject concerns that lead her to relinquish in the 1st place and does no longer want her toddler to bypass by what she did. We additionally observed from foster care. In our case, CPS regarded at various different organic and organic kin as area of the final technique, yet none of them had to undertake or does no longer have exceeded the domicile learn. while the mummy relinquished, she asked that the boys be placed with us with the aid of fact she had considered progression in the boys mutually as we fostered them.

Answer 10

Nothing.

If they want to act immature, there is very little that will have any effect on them. Don't bother trying to rescue them when there are other people out there who would acutally benefit from some help.