It hurts my feelings and makes me feel unmportant to him. He says I will get every Sunday night and Monday night. But I dont think I should have to sit at home every saturday night and pine away for him. Especially when I have five other guys calling me who I keep putting off because I dont want to cheat on my boyfriend, but I feel like if I am unimportant to him I am wasting my time. If I tell him how I feel it will start a fight and I am so tired of fighting. I do love him, but I think he wants an exclusive relationship (IE I dont sleep with anyone else) and I want a serious relationship(which includes exclusive but also more). I dont know what to do. He says he loves me and I am someone he can marry but he doesnt know if he sees me in his future (This makes my head spin like the exorcist because it is such a contradiction) Can someone guy or girl please give me some heartfelt advice before I do something stupid. . We have been dating for six months. Do mens feelings grow?
2007-12-09 02:17:35 · 22 answers · asked by theotherwoman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is 25 I am 35. I am fine with him seeng his friends, and Im fine with sharing. Every other weekend is fine. We live an hour apart and he sees his friends every day if he wants because they live in the same town. I only get the two days unless I drive out to see him. Im pretty sure there is not another woman. These saturday nights are for role playing games like "Vampire" or **** like that- and it just hurts that he would rather live in a fantasy world than fuc* his girlfriend.
2007-12-09 02:40:15 · update #1
do you not value yourself?
i can only see this relationship as you have presented it and from the looks of it you are being taken as a fool. he is getting exactly what HE wants while you sit here telling us there are five guys who would like to date you. tell him that. oh, you are tired of fighting...
he loves you but doesn't know if he sees you in his future? i suggest you take time to reflect on yourself and really think about if this is a man you want in YOUR future. stop giving into his selfish needs and put your own needs first. talking about how you feel causes a fight because he doesn't care how you feel. give it up girl. become a woman and find a man... not a boy.
2007-12-09 02:46:31 · answer #1 · answered by Cymbaline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is from one of those cultures where a night out with the boys is an accepted part of life, do yourself a favor and dump him, now. He will not change; even marriage will not change him. I'll bet if you look at his family, all his married male relatives, including his father and brothers, do so, as well.
He expects to have a tremendous amount of "say" in your relationship. Notice that you "will get" Sunday and Monday nights.....because he says so. The fact that that's not what you want is neither here nor there.
He says that you are someone he can marry, but he doesn't know if he sees you in his future. If you don't share his background, he may be trying to tell you something; namely, that he can already see it's not gonna work, because he has no intention of changing and neither do you.
You sound as if you are spending a lot of your time worrying and being unhappy. Youth is short. While you still have those five other guys calling you, my advice is to tell your bf that you agree he needs to be with someone from the same background, who is going to accept his behavior, because you can't.
Give yourself the chance to go with a couple of guys who value their time with you over perpetual high school. I predict that a couple of your own Saturday nights spent on enjoyable dates, rather than sitting at home biting your nails, will convince you that you dodged a bullet and that you are a very smart girl.
2007-12-09 02:45:53 · answer #2 · answered by lighght30 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a bit strange that he would prefer their company to being with you. Some guys need the space once in awhile but this is an every weekend thing with him. Does he tell you what he's doing? I think you are questioning if there is hanky-panky going on. Is there any way he could take you with him on one of these get-away nights to reassure you he's being honest? I wouldn't be able to put up with the fact of not knowing. You said you are tired of fighting..that doesn't sound good. Maybe you should take some time away from him and look at the whole picture. What would he think if you told him you could only see him on certain days? Give this some serious thought and you may just want to move on. There's no reason for him to be this way with you. Good Luck!
2007-12-09 02:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, I think the main issue is that you both are not in the same place in your lives. You are 35 and looking for a serious, long term, and committed relationship. He is 25 and doesn't sound like he is looking for any of those things. Seems as though he is enjoying being 25 and hanging out with the boys. Which we all should hang out with our friends but you have to strike a balance. It just doesn't sound like he is mature enough to understand what it takes to make an adult relationship work, especially one that is long distance. Secondly, it is unfair of him to expect you to adhere to some ridiculous schedule for the two of you to spend time together. It shouldn't be like that, especially since this is a relatively new relationship! Lastly, to answer your question, I do believe mens feelings can grow, but the real question is how long will that take? We all know men do not mature at the same speed. And your guy sounds like he's got a lot of growing to do. Considering he is 25 and more interested in playing role playing games with his friends rather than spending quality with you. My advice to you to quit waiting around for him. Let him know that while you care for him you can't sit around waiting for him. You never know, it may be exactly the push he needs to get his act together. And if he doesn't then you know that he wasn't serious about you to begin with. I know this is all easier said than done. But you know when this is all over at least you will have the answers you are looking for. Unfortunately, loving someone is the easy part. It's the rest that gives relationships are run for their money. Hope this helps and good luck!
2007-12-10 15:30:43 · answer #4 · answered by wamom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no man is going to dedicate his days and nights just to you, unless he is weak, desperate and easily manipulated (you don't want a man like that anyway). That is ultimate truth about men and women - when woman in love, all she can think is her love. She drops everything for The Man, her grades suffer, she can't concentrate at work etc.
When man is in love, he thinks about it between events of his life, such as: work, friends etc. Right now you fell angry because you think you are not important to him. But this is not what it is. Give the man his space. He needs you, but he also needs to see his friends. And you ARE more important, since you have two nights a week, a friends have only one:)
Why don't you use this Sat night off to your own advantage? Start a tradition of girls night out every time he is meeting his friends. It will keep both of you happy.
Good luck!
2007-12-09 02:27:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My X-gf did the same thing. Note the "X" in that.
Some Saturday nights with his pals is OK, and howabout some Sat. nights you go with him? If you don't know his friends then you are not his friend, and then there is no point in having a realationship.
Don't you have friends to go see on the nights he goes out? Don't sit at home. If it keeps up, start going out with those other guys. You can not sit with something you are not OK with. 6 months is a short relationship. In time, sitting with what you do not like will grow into a resentment and drive you two apart. Nip it in the bud.
Spare yourself the agony and don't waste any more of your time. Get him to include you in some of the nights out or get rid of him.
2007-12-09 02:24:47 · answer #6 · answered by billypea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will never change----men stay loyal to their friends forever, and they often mean much more to them than any women ever do.
Of course you're someone he'll marry---you've put up with him and his buddies for 6 months, and he knows you'll do this for a lifetime---you home with the babies, he out on the weekends having fun and "kicking back."
What's much more likely is that he has OTHER women on his list, and they are taking the priority nights, of the weekend---and, if you were married to him, this wouldn't change, either.
Don't waste any more time on this guy, unless you want to be the loyal and forgotten house-servant waiting at home, raising his children for the rest of your life, seeing him only when he's in the mood to see you.
MANY women live their lives this way, because they are desperate to have children and a home.
Tell him to find another girl for his Sunday and Monday nights, because you're taking back your life before it's too late.
2007-12-09 02:25:34 · answer #7 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i've been with my current guy for 9 months now. i'm at a dorm and he's not, so because of that we can only see eachother on weekends. however, he's now in college but has some buddies that are younger than him so he can't see them much due to all the classes he has during the week. he goes out pooling and stuff like that every friday with them and then spends one other day of the weekend with me. and i'm fine with that. sure, i could hustle up his entire weekend - and he would agree with that because he loves me and wants to be with me, BUT... after some time he would begin to miss his friends... and i have all week to hang out with my best friends, so why not give him his one night?
if it's just the fact that his "buddy-night" is saturday, then talk to him and try to re-schedule perhaps...? but if it's not... well... i may seem incredibly stupid saying this since i'm a girl, but "bro's before ho's", does that ring a bell? what he probably meant by saying that you are marriage-material, but that he can't be sure whether you'll be in his future is this: girlfriends come and go, and regardless of how much you guys love eachother right now, you can never be 100% sure that this is forever, can you? he loves you now, but he can't really tell whether you guys are still going to be together 10 years from now - he will most likely try to and hope for things to go this way, but he can't be sure. friends on the other hand are not as "fleeting" as most relationships are.
hope this helps... just talk to him! you're not the only person that's important in his life. my guess is you're a bit insecure as to whether or not he still loves you. because if you were convinced he did, you wouldn't mind him going out with his buddies once a week - since he wants to spend 2 nights at yours!
hope this helps... good luck!
2007-12-09 02:39:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that a relationship is a two-way street and involves compromise. If he's not willing to give up every other Saturday for you - I'd move on.
2007-12-09 02:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by kiddkosmic 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
everyone needs time alone with their friends. When he's out on Saturday night with his friends, you go out with yours. Then you have Sunday and Monday with him.
If you need to have a man who clings all over you all the time, then dump him and date men who will treat you the way you want to be treated.
What concerns me more is the statement that you are the marrying kind but he doesn't see himself married to you. That tells me you are wasting your time with this guy. It means that he has thought about a future with you and he doesn't see it as a possibility. The BS about "I love you and you are someone I can marry" is a way to string you along until he meets someone he wants to marry.
2007-12-09 02:32:50 · answer #10 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋