I'm so nervous...what should I do?

Question

I'm going on my 4th date with this boy. It seems everytime on day I am about to go out with him I get very nervous and I don't eat much and I'm fidgety. When I see him the nerves kind of go away. Well about a little over a week ago he asked me how he would know I'm ready to move to the next level. I told him it's only been a month and since I'm a virgin I was very offended. He kept appologizing and said that he had tears in his eyes and he didn't want to lose me. Well my friends and my father are telling me they don't care that he appologized that I should call it off with this boy because that was and is not the right way to talk to me. I am seeing him again tonight and we are going to his house (he lives with his parents) and he is going to make dinner for me and have candles and wine but, as you can guess I am very nervous.

Oh and by the way I am 21 and before this boy I had only been on one date with another boy that didn't work out. Until 3 weeks ago I hadn't even kissed a boy before.

Answer 1

I don't believe in circumlocution, and I don't believe you're going to even consider my opinion on the subject because I think that we operate on two totally different wavelengths, so I'm just going to be blunt:

You're prude. To be offended by his relatively tame question epitomizes what it means to be prude. I think you should relax and stop being offended. Unfortunately it seems like some people have put it in your mind that sex or anything sexual is dirty and shameful. That's not a healthy attitude, and any mental health professional will back me up on that fact.

I was taken aback when you said you were 21 after reading your question, because I expected somebody who is maybe 10 or 11.

Your father should not be making decisions for you. That you, a 21 year old woman, have consulted your father, is one of the strangest things I've ever heard on Yahoo! Answers from somebody who was actually serious. It has undertones of an Electra Complex. A healthy father-daughter relationship, in my opinion, would not include your discussing your romantic relationships with him and asking him for his input when it comes to sex or "moving on to the next level." It makes for a very bad start to a romantic relationship too.

I have a few rhetorical questions for you:

1) Most people would be offended when somebody says "you're fat," or "you're ugly." I was a virgin once too, and so was my wife. Being a virgin alone wouldn't have caused either of us to feel offended at being asked by a person we were dating when he/she would know if we're ready to move to the next level. What would be offensive about a person asking that? Should he be required to tip-toe around certain subjects when he's with you, or would you prefer that he relax and be himself? No matter how sweet and kind he is now, if you mold him into an archetype of your ideal, then expect bitterness and resentment in the long run.

2) Why is any of this your father's or friend's business? Why do you feel the need to consult your father or friends?

3) What are you nervous about? Obviously you're afraid of something? What is it you're afraid of?

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss.

Answer 2

all i would have to say is just be yourself, try not to worry about what you think is going to happen. i was nervous when i was trying to get this girls name that i didn't even know and i finally was able to get it by being myself.