why is a plain girl not allowed to have standards?

Question

I asked a poorly worded question on standards the other day and was brutally attacked for being "mean" and/or putting down the type of the guy that I deem not my personal taste.

So I ask you: why do people attack others verbally for having standards on looks, however minimal they are, if they are not that great looking themselves? Essentially one annoying comment was "you're not Angelina Jolie-esque...[how can you have standards]." So attractive people are allowed standards, but plain folks must take what they get?
All I ask for in a man is that he be smart, funny, proactive, and have a few things in common with me. How else does a relationship spark if not for commonality. As for looks, I just said I don't find large or ugly (I usually find something nice in almost all guys) attractive off the bat. That's not to say if i get to know them, that their attractiveness may go up.
How does this criteria incite such ruckus a la The Lottery?

maybe the word 'standards' itself sounds condesending? Also, my pic is in the last question if you're interesting how the "you're effing ugly...how dare you judge other people," fiasco started. Even though I clearly said that I would never totally discount those I wasn't automatically attracted to.

http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd287/anagavalda109/Photo4.jpg

Am I that ugly that apparently it's an insult to have standards? It's a bad picture, but I know I am at least a little attractive enough to have some standards on looks...again, minimal they are!

Answer 1

There is a generally accepted principle that you "should not judge a book by it's cover" and that may be why some were attacking you. People do far too much of that attacking shxt here over Y/A and it really sucks because it makes submitting questions no fun if people are going to slam you more than they are going to try to help you and take your question seriously. Don't let it bother you though. You are not alone.

Absolutely, "plain" people (as you call them) have a right to have standards for who they date, based on looks, just as anyone else does. You may be ugly as sin and still not date anyone who would be as ugly as you because you are generally trying to upgrade the human gene pool (smiles) and want to dilute your influence as much as possible. (HA! I'm being totally facetious about this so don't take that comment seriously).

But maybe if you are ugly, you have some other feature about you that attractive people are drawn to. I've seen plenty of celebrities who are not attractive who have knock-dead gorgeous or handsome significant others in their life. Same is true with money. Lots of ugly guys could never get the girls unless they had money which may be one reason that drove them to become successful in the first place.

So if you don't like a certain kind of person...say they are too hairy or fat or short or wimpy or whatever...THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE! I certainly don't judge you. It's a market out there and nobody says you have to lower your standards, just because you are not the most attractive woman on the planet. Besides, men often find women who are confident or have a great sense of humor to be very attractive, regardless of their looks.

I mean if someone with a face like Sandra Bernhard....

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000928/

...can make the cover of Playboy....

http://www.dtmagazine.com/cmopg1924/pb992.html
(scroll down on that page to see photo)

...then attractiveness of face may not be all of what it's about. I think a person's CHARISMA is perhaps the most important thing, but I'll even go out with a woman with zero charisma at least once if she looks hot or drop dead gorgeous.

I've dated and even married a beauty queen (but now divorced because the personality didn't match the face). I've also fallen in love with some pretty homely and overweight gals because it was another aspect of their personality and constitution that drove me to find a deep admiration for them.

You are probably a pretty attractive woman and I bet you get lots of attention. But even if you don't have a perfect nose or teeth or beautiful hair, whatever...don't let these turkeys here on Y/A get you down or dis you such that you feel compelled to lower your standards.

I tell you whose standards I question are those of bisexuals. They're so horny, they don't CARE what sex the person is so they go both ways...it increases their chances. HA!

Actually, I've been thinking lately about going Tri-sexual myself....Guys, Girls and Dogs. (LOL...I'm totally not serious here).

Answer 2

I'm more surprised you don't know the answer already than I am that people are prejudiced against plain women( I use the term 'women' because I'm a straight man!). The thinking is, since you haven't got a lot of things to outwardly attract men, you should be willing to settle for whatever comes along and is desperate enough to be seen with you, like a leper. The funny thing about it is: most supposedly 'pretty' people aren't that attractive once you really get a good look at them or scratch the surface. Personally, I'll take a 'plain' Jane with a brain over a drop-dead gorgeous idiot anytime...you'd be amazed how sexy brains really are!

Answer 3

Have you ever seen some of the super models without makeup etc.? You would be surprised what plain is. I think your photos look fine. Your neighbor sounds like a sour old busy-body, and not very nice to boot! If you feel you are not attractive, remember that it is based on personality not just how you look. Confidence goes a long way in making people attractive to the opposite sex. If your confidence has suffered because of the negative neighbor, go get a make-over. Get a new haircut, try out some makeup etc. buy a few colorful dresses (men love color and dresses) and knock out the next guy you meet.

Answer 4

You are completely in the right to have set standards. It's not like you are going to fall in love or even date anyone that you have no attraction to. Everyone has standards. Heck, the ugliest guy in the world has standards. People should not put you down because you have standards. It's a way that humans are, and saying that it's mean to have them is very hypocritical.

Answer 5

Probably because many who attack another person do not realize that they have standards themselves. Having standards is a way of dealing with each other and we compare a person with a standard of some type whether we realize it or not. To use Angelina Jolie to compare others to, is to use her as a standard by which we compare others and while that person apparently thinks Angelina attractive by my standards she is quite homely compared to Jodie Foster or Diane lane. To have standard is fine as long as we are flexible in our use of standards and do not pass up someone or something because they do not fit into the cubby hole where our standard might place them

Answer 6

Heh, I only read about half of that...

But last week I was told off on a forum for saying I wouldn't have a guy who's IQ was more than 20 points lower or higher than my own. They said I was being too precisive and vain.

But other than that, I have no real standards with men.

Answer 7

I am not sure. Your answer is reasonable. Everyone has standards. There are enough people on this Planet that everyone can find someone. Why settle and set yourself up for disappointment?

Perhaps the person asking you the question likes you and considered your answer to mean you don't find them attractive.

Answer 8

I think people tend to jump the gun sometimes and not read through things entirely. They ASSUME what you're going to say then they fly off the handle. They probably misunderstood your question since you said that it was poorly worded anyway. Heck I got a message from another when I answered her question about hot dogs being nasty. I told her that not all hot dogs are created equal and that she should try a higher quality brand. She wrote back and called me a fat***. I guess she has a vendetta against hot dogs. LOL

Answer 9

Everybody has standards, the only thing is that the standards must be accordin to what you put on the table. In other words, if you are not smart, you cant expect a smart mate, and so on.

Answer 10

I have no idea...i know a lot of people wonder why not so attractive people have standards for who they want. I've often wondered the same thing..but i've grown to believe that everyone knows what they want in a partner regardless of how they look. Just like everyone deserves to be happy no matter what their status is.