Do most people not like being around their parents as adults?

Question

I find that as an adult, I hate being around my parents. They are pushy and try to run my life. Now that my daughter is living with me, they think that they can make decisions for her also. They don't respect my authority as a parent especially my mother.

My daughter feels that my mother also tries to compete with her other grandmother and constantly makes comments about her. My mother is emotionally immature and makes funny, rude comments about me in front of my daughter too.

Do most people feel this way? My parents are very set in their ways so I don't think that they will change. I am trying my best to have limited contact with them, but its the holidays....

Any other suggestions...

Answer 1

So not to ruin the holidays, I'd ask your daughter and yourself to bite your tongue just for a few more weeks. I mean, you've already held back for so long. Another 2 weeks won't really matter, will it?

After the holidays, have a sit down with your parents and explain to them that there is no reason for them to be in competition with your daughter's other grandparents and that you will NOT tolerate any more comments about them.
Also, explain that since you are an adult, you will be running your own life and that you will be the one making the decisions for your daughter. If they cannot accept this, then you need to back away from them some.

I'd say that some people feel this way to an extent. I know that my sister has, especially when it comes to her children. I however, have not experienced this yet, probably since I don't have children yet. My parents learned long ago that I will not tolerate being told how to live my life.

Answer 2

I think this is a common-ish problem.

Tell your parents that you want to spend time with them, particularly at the holidays, but it has to be on your terms. Tell them what the behaviours are that you find upsetting and also the boundaries that they can't cross. If they can't respect those, then go make your own fun with your kid. I'm sure that when faced with the choice of behaving in a civilized manner or not seeing you and your daughter, your mother will modify her bahaviour.

Because the worst of it seems to be her cutting sense of humour, it may very well be that she's not aware that her jokes hurt you and your daughter. Once she knows, she'll be able to do something about it, should she so chose to.

Answer 3

I think it depends on the personalities of the person and their parent. I enjoy being with both my parents and my in-laws, but I live about 400 miles away from them, so it's not a daily thing. We talk every week, send emails back and forth. I have more issues with my mother than my mother-in-law -- my MIL thinks I'm perfect (ha, got HER fooled!) but my mother knows better! My mom is pretty judgemental, so it took a while to learn to just let it go.

Lots of parents never acknowledge that their children are grown-ups.

Answer 4

Just because you're "blood" relatives, doesn't always mean that you HAVE to like a person who is in your family. People - even family - behave exactly how other people "allow" them to behave.

I highly recommend a book called "The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Learner. Ph.D. It's not only about anger - it's mostly about being assertive enough to set boundries and to make changes necessary to improve your relationship with the people in your life.

It changed my life. Please read it!