To any mother-in-law who plays favorites.......is this YOU??

Question

Are you one of them? Do you only watch your maternal grandkids & not paternal ones? Do you spend more time with the maternal ones? If so, why do you do this, and how do you think it's fair & doesn't hurt their feelings? Please tell me so I may know what in the **** my MIL is thinking.

Answer 1

I am the grown grandchild of a grandmother like this.

My grandma (my dad's mother) hated my mother. She wanted my father to marry someone else. My parents had four children. We rarely saw my grandmother and when we did we felt the coldness coming from her, so we gravitated toward my grandfather, who was wonderful (and we wished to see more often.)

As a child, I did wonder why we didn't see her more often, but I didn't feel angry or hurt by it to any great extent. It didn't scar me or cause any lingering impacts.

I had absolutely no connection to this woman, nor did my sisters. When she died, my aunt (my dad's sister) called me to tell me. I didn't feel a thing and I said to my aunt, "I'm so sorry that you've lost your mother."

My grandma died without having any of the joy of our giant family. None of us went to her funeral or mourned her loss because we simply didn't know her. Nor did we feel we missed out on anything by not having her in our lives.

This has taught me a lesson for myself as I grow older. You reap what you sow in life. As will your MIL.

My advice is to let her know what she's doing. Just once. If she comes around, then great. If she doesn't, then you just go about living your lives and have fun raising your kids. I wouldn't worry one bit about it. She's the one who'll miss out.

Answer 2

I'm not quite understanding maternal and paternal in defining descendent relationships. Do you mean grandchildren from a daughter and grandchildren from a son? I only have one kid married and they have no kids, but an adorable dog. As the others marry, I hope I don't have favorites. I do know that children tend to have the perception that I do sometimes, but they all do and no one ever thinks that they are the favorite!

Answer 3

Honey, we all seem to have that problem. My fiance's mom is equal treatment for all...she doesn't watch any of them ...but my fiance's step mom are partial to my fiance's sister's son and to my fiance's older daughter. They buy them more, spend more time with them and basically have more to do with them than they do with my two babies (one is 2, the other is 7 months.) I have been told it's because I am overprotective and act like noone can take care of them the way I do and it might be..is that your case? But then again, I also see how they treat my fiance and they do treat the girls better than they do him, so it could be that too. I think mother in laws just have their faves at times and your time will probably come when she gets mad at the others. Just watch out...cause she is sure to get mad at you for some odd reason or another. If you feel really hurt by this, then you should have your husband talk to his mom. Maybe you and his mom need to have lunch or something and talk about what's really going on.

Answer 4

My mother in law favors others over me. My wife's siblings' spouses came way after me and are the beloved ones. Used to bother me. *** it i say. i no longer worry about what she's thinking. I'm happier and SHE has to crawl to ME AND MY WIFE (whom she gave to me) to see her grandchildren.

Answer 5

Don't waste time trying to figure out what makes her tick. If you should find marbles or screws laying around, hand them to her and tell her, "Here. You lost these."

Answer 6

Don't ever use that kind of argument with elderly people.No matter what,just respect and love them.The rest shall take take care of itself.