We like to joke and say my FIL is a "Jewish Mother." He is very affectionate has trouble understanding boundaries. I have 2 daughters, 13.10yo (she is multiply disabled) and 16.6yo. G-pa has always treated them younger than they are (to the point that my youngest doesn't like being around him. He talks to her like she is 3 and she can't stand it. We've tried talking to him but it really doesn't help) and touched them a lot. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, he is not a dirty old man he just really loves them and seriously has no boundaries and doesn;t egt it that other people do. Another aspect to this problem is him creating problems that don't exist. When Aly was 13 and went through that phase where teens sleep ALL the time, he thought she was doing drugs, she cut her hair short (girlie pixie) and he thought she was a lesbian, she is a very serious, thoughtful and mature young woman and because she's not giggling like an idiot all the time he thinks she's depressed.
2007-12-08 22:59:07 · 5 answers · asked by aly_des 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ok, so she comes to me last night and tells me that he is always touching her and telling her that she can go and see her counselor anytime she wants (like that's his place)...she's pretty sure he thinks she's depressed. She doesn't want him touching her as much as he does (and guys, it's constant. It has always driven me crazy but I kept my mouth shut. People who just got married don't touch each other this much) and she wants the comments about her counselor to stop (she knows that's an open door and always has been). Sooo, how do I do this without hurting his feelings. This kid is just about everything to him. My hubby is an only child and these are his only grandchildren. He's very sensitive and it's GOING to hurt his feelings but I want to attempt to do that as little as possible. I'm not very tactful so I could use some advice. Thanks!
2007-12-08 23:03:53 · update #1
We've been working on her standing up for herself. She really hates confrontation and it literally makes her sick. I probabkly shouldn't do it for her, but I know what it would do to her if she did it...if she could even get the words out. The youngest is non verbal and eally ahs no way of telling her grabdfather, in words, how she feels. SHe gives him plenty of looks but he doesn't get that
2007-12-08 23:35:35 · update #2
Tell him straight out that he is hurting your daughters feelings by saying some of the things he does. He needs to stop and find out what the young kids of today are doing. Things are not the same as years ago. As far as the touching goes, I would tell him he needs to stop, because it is bothering the kids. Your husband, his son is the one that should be telling him that he is hurting the kids and needs to stop. At this point if his feelings get hurt, it is to bad, but if the kids are that uncomfortable around him then it needs to stop.
2007-12-09 01:29:32 · answer #1 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, well, I kinda went through a similar situation with a friend of my mothers. She was always so damn touchy to me!!! From the time I first met her [around 8] until I was about 14. [Now I am 16]. And really, I just got SO sick of it. I remember one time, she literally PULLED me onto her lap and when I tried to move she just kind of held me tighter there. My mom stepped in and told her to let me show her something [because my mom KNEW it was making me mad]. Then she said it was "cute" when I sat on her lap. After that I told my mom I wasn't gunna take it anymore. I mean yes, she was a close family friend...And I knew it would hurt her feelings, but I told her like it was. I said "Alright, Lisa, really, your a very nice woman and I love having you around, but seriously, give me some space!!! I'm not going to lie to you, I am not a baby and I don't need to be held like one. I'm really sorry if that makes you upset, but its the truth." After that she left, not so much hurt, but more embarassed. Pretty soon after that I asked her if there were any hard feelings and she said of course not...Things are a LOT better once you get them out in the open. I'm sure he will be a little upset like she was, no doubt about it. But, the sooner you break the ice...the sooner things will be awkward...but then its even sooner until everyone can be comfortable. Maybe you shouldn't be as blunt as I am, haha, but please tell him. Or even better...let HER tell him. One on one. Hope I helped in some way.
2007-12-09 07:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The last thing I would be concerned about is how to confront him. I'd snatch him up by the collar of his shirt and set him straight. I'd lett him know I will kill him with my bare hands if he even so much as looks at my kid.
2007-12-09 07:53:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let the girls tell him they don't like it. You telling him won't matter cause its them he's doing it to. I'm sure he means well but sometime you have to be forward and straight with someone just to get it into their heads. I'd tell my kids to set him straight and stand by them when they do.
2007-12-09 07:19:21 · answer #4 · answered by Moe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just talk quietly with your g-father
2007-12-09 07:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by GSH 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋