Muslims plz: Suppose a woman dislikes to a great extent..?

Question

the habbits of her husband and has tried 26 years to improve them. To some extent the habbits have changed but otherwise still she is tired now and holds back her tears. She feels that this time if her husband comes back and makes a mess she will leave and go stay with her fathers mother.

Does she have the right to do so. Does her children have to interfere in their decision. What if her children are young adults of 20 years of age and have tried in the past to reconciliate matters... but sometimes due to knowing their mothers efforts cant deny that the truth is that their father needs to try harder. Father earns a very decent salary and spends on families basic needs and more. Mother wishes she could get more money (not at all greedy), to buy jewelry and household items with a bit more freedom.
Children dont complain since they are not fond of either household items nor jewelry.

Kindly answer in the light of Quran and sunnah.
JazakAllahu Khair

Father believes theoir daughter should try harder to reconcile between parents but daughter tries to pick up the mess after her father..but that is not always possible, sometimes this is nerve recking for her, nevertheless to keep burden off her mother she tries not to complain or say something to mother.

Daughter plans to start her Masters soon and wont have much time to pick up the mess after father.

Her mother has developed medical problems due to constant work.

Bro Lawrence what if she is an intelligent person and has tried to make him understand and care.
How do u think she can make him understand more?

Answer 1

This is what I suggest. From now on, whatever the father leaves laying around should be put in a very large cardboard box or basket. Do not put it up for him or wash it for him, just put it in the box so that it is not in anyone else's way. If he starts asking where his stuff is, just tell him it is in the box. That way, if he doesn't want to put his stuff up, he doesn't have to, yet the mother and daughter are not constantly having to put His stuff away.

If the mother wants more freedom with the finances, then she aught to just ask for that freedom. If he refuses, then it may be time for her to get a job of her own.

If He is the type that will hit his women folk if they do not do exactly as He says, then it may actually be a VERY good idea for the mother to go ahead and move in with her grandmother.

Answer 2

It has a significant amount to do with the geographical and cultural situation the women live in. In a country like Afghanistan or Iran a woman has little choice even if you aren't Muslim as it is their culture as well as their interpretation of the Juan and undeniably the very strong political influence. While in a country like Egypt women and Western countries Muslim women can chose whether they wear hajib or not, and it is not common, to see women wearing the full niqab. It is only just over a generation ago that women would not attend Christian churches with out hats and gloves on and ,50 years ago it was unheard of. I don't believe that it makes any difference what they wear hijab,niqab or a hessian bag so long as it is done under free will. It is the same as some Jewish women covering their heads and hair when they go out with a wig, a snood or both. It is because that is their religious belief, influenced by their cultural traditions.

Answer 3

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

Marriage is a trust and a major event in life. Divorce is permissible in Islam but truly it is one of the most hated of permissible things. That being said, sometimes a marriage is so broken or dysfunctional that divorce is necessary. If after 26 years you feel that you are miserable in your marriage, you have the right to divorce. It is not necessary to have a particular reason, other than that you have tried your best but you cannot resign yourself anymore, and if you feel your faith in Allah will be damaged by continuing in the marriage. You are an individual, a separate entity from your husband, a woman, not just a wife. You have the right to live a full life.

You don't speak about details of the marriage so I am not able to tell you specifically what I would do in similar circumstances. If your husband is not religiously committed, if he abuses you either physically or mentally, then of course youre position is strengthened. You are the only one who knows what your limits are. Your children are old enough now to deal with the situation. You have to sit down and logically evaluate your life and decide if you will be happier overall, and more importantly if you will be a better Muslim, if you divorce your husband. May Allah support you in whatever you decide.

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid

Answer 4

Sweetheart listen and read!

When a woman marries a man...In Islam, she has to be the foundation of a family.

Here what I am reading is the Mother wants more money so she could have a decent spending on jewelry and such!

I dont deny that we woman like all these thingy but.....there is a but. Not all people are borned with a silver spoon. Your mom is married to your Dad despite knowing that he is not a millionaire. So....I advise her, take care of her family and go back to her husband. Try to make it work....try to make it work. Jewelery don make you happy but love is! Jewelery wont bring you to heaven but being a good wife is. Try to understand your father ego....be kind to your dad, cos he works hard too. Your mom has to understand that.

And as the daughter in mentioned is not supposed to interfere in their marital affairs. Ask your mom to sort things out alone with your dad. Do not bring in the 3rd party!

Whatever hardship she is facing will not be forever but if it does....meand God has plan something better for her to come, maybe here in the world or later in heaven

Salam

Answer 5

bismillahi rahmani rahim, Narrated by Aisha (RA): Regarding the explanation of the following verse; "If a wife fears cruelty or dissertion on her husband's part." The husband may not like his wife and divorce her, so she says " I will give up my rights, so do not divorce me". According to this hadith it allowed for A woman to divorce her husband if she does not like him too. As for the children, they have a right to judge for themselves who is right and who is wrong.
The Prophet SAW also said of course " You should love Allah then me, then your mother..." You should know this hadith. So, of course you have the right to divorce him.

Also about the money, whatever is given to the wife is hers and whatever she owns is her full ownership. So this meaning you can either get money (obviously halal way) ie working. Or whatever is yours you have the right to do with it what you wish.

Answer 6

26 years.. really long time! she should think if she can be more patient because Allah SWT loves those who are patient and prepared heavens and bounties for them. However, if she can't be patient, then it's up to her because Allah SWT does not burden a soul beyound its scope. Allah says that if we're patient, it's better for us. That's my brief answer.

May Allah be with us and help us do what pleases Him SWT. Afterall, it's just a few years, then we return to Him SWT and we see what we've done in our life.

Answer 7

I deeply empathise with your situation. Though I'm not a muslim and therefore not familiar with the Quran, I would suggest that you seek more help from your children. That's what I would do. Maybe you could stay with your daughter or son, especially if they are able to support you financially!!

Answer 8

You have rights, every right to do what ever you want, and if you are miserable with your husband and you kids are miserable with him either kick him out or take the kids with where ever you go, your parents or somewhere else.. If you work save your money and get away from him. Change religion, if your usual religion is not working for you, make your own. This is your life, the only one you have and you should be happy. No one should control you, you are the master of your universe.

Answer 9

I really empathise for you and i would just like to say not to take notice of the rare answers that you have received regarding suicide bombers and all that. It just goes to show that people do really lack knowledge in certain aspects.

peace and I hope u find the answer inshallah

x

Answer 10

BISMILLAH HIRRAHMAN NIRRAHEEM,
There are some Hodood Allah which are explained in Qur'an [ Surrah Baqra, Nisa, Talaq, etc], 1: if man dicieded to leave his wife and he didn't continue his personal relationship with his wife, then Allah knows his will, and that leaving period is 4th months only, after that his wife automatically divorce with him, and the period of Iddat is 3 haiz. 2: If husband wants only change his wife like a good wife than he can give her divorce only 2, and after it if they both of them sure that they will save Hodod Allah then can Nikah again in the last two months of her Iddat. 3: If her wife wants to get rid of him then she can take divorce by given some things in which from her husbend had given to her. 4: for solving the matter, one person of woman's relative who has wisdome, and one person of man's relative would come, if both of them [husband and wife] were sincere with each other then Allah will give them the right way of solution. 5: If woman doesn't want to Nikah [marry] again with her previous husband even their relatives had make unity and wanted to Nikah [marry] again to them, then they can't force her to do that without her will. 6: If her husband had given 3 divorce to her then they can't Nikah [marry] again each other, even previous wife would get marry to other man and after their relationship he will also give her divorce and after Iddat she can marry again with her previous husband, but after this surety from both of them that they will save Hodood Allah and neither they break Hodood Allah again, then they can get marry again to each other.