When dating, how do you tell a girl that you don't believe in paying for every meal without sounding cheap?

Question

I am not a cheap person. I spend money like there is no tomorrow. But when it comes to dating i feel alot of women out there sometimes go out simply to get a free meal from a guy. I have actually had female friends who have stopped talking to me because i refused to pay for their dinner. Once or twice was enough and as soon as they realized they could freeload anymore they left. I believe a woman should be treated like a woman, and in my opinion if women want to be treated as equals (i believe they are equals) then they should provide equally. By this i mean when it comes to dinner or having drinks, either pay 50-50, or alternate who pays. In the end, the reason i date is because i want a partner, not a dependant.

Answer 1

Well, to be honest, it's all about the type of girl you pick to date.
Most women however expect the man to pay, not just to get a free meal, but as part of the courtship process. Women like to be romanced and pampered. If you tell a woman that you want to go dutch or want her to buy, it can be a huge turn off. What a woman hears is "I'm a cheap bast***, and I don't think well enough of you to invest too much money pampering you."

You mentioned dates with "female friends". That isn't a real date by the way! What your female friends were most likely using you for was an ego boost, and perhaps a little company if they were lonely, but not the meal itself. A woman is flattered by a man pampering her, and even if she doesn't really want a long term relationship she may continue to accept your offerings until "something better" comes along. Yes, some women do this, especially when they just went through a break up or if they are in between relationships and are lonely.

The best thing to do is not to date "friends". Only date women who are actually interested in a relationship. A woman who is really genuine, honest, and emotionally stable will stop seeing you if she decides it's not going to work out instead of continuing to accept dinner invitations.

If money is tight for you, what you need to do is "screen" your ladies by going out to coffee first, which is an inexpensive way to get to know someone. So, coffee before an actual dinner date. During your coffee chat, you can get a feel for the woman to see if she is really serious or if she's one of your "freeloaders".

The other option is to just seek independent woman who is financially secure and who has progressive views on dating.

Answer 2

If you have to tell a woman you feel she should pitch in, I think you said 50/50, then she isnt really worth your time. I do wonder why a man who spends money like theres no tommorrow and isnt cheap plans on tallying up so it is 50/50. Im hoping youre just not wanting to pay for everything all the time and it's not coming down to dollars and cents. If you take a woman out and pay, she should at the very least offer to take you for drinks the next time. Something. It's 2007. Men are no longer courting one woman with the hopes she will become his wife. We date now. Why should a guy have to pay for everything? We work now too. Many making more then men. So if you run into a cheap chick, dont say a word. Dont ask her out again. I think you can get a feel from her on the first date. I always offer to get something. Valet, after dinner drinks....something. Dont waste your time telling a woman what she already knows.

Answer 3

Obviously no-one has ever taught you about courtship.

A woman on a date will expect you to pay - that is courtship. A woman out with a male friend will pay for herself - that is equality.
A partnership between a man and a woman is not about them being exactly the same and doing the same things, its about being valued equally for the things you do. A working woman in a relationship will let the man pay for dinner but will buy new clothes for her man.
If you come up with the line of wanting a partner not a dependent it is no wonder the women disappear never to be seen again. Most women want to have children at some stage and children are dependents.

Answer 4

Is this from personal experience. All this "princess" bitterness! If you invite a girl then you've made the invite and should expect to foot the bill. If she's any kind of Lady she might well offer to pay drink bill or the taxi etc. If the date is a sort of mutual thing then all bills should be split. If it worries you that much about being taken advantage of in the first stages of dating, take her to the park or for a hike or something that won't cost apart from the cost of a soda or an ice cream. If she behaves like a prima donna and tells you as much, I would think about ditching her anyway.

Answer 5

Don't fall for the excuses of the worst moochpigs: "I'm old fashioned"..."it's the man's role to pay". These types are closet protitutes. If a woman actually likes you, she would never say any of those things.

True etiquette or manners means, if you ask her out and she decides she likes you, than she should immediately ask for the next date. Every other date should be paid in turn.

Ask from the beginning if she's a modern independent woman or "old school". If she says "old school", than you better make sure she likes you a lot before you ever ask her for a date.

With women like that, I'm usually already very physical with them BEFORE I ask them out (which means, a lot of kissing, touching and sometimes intercourse BEFORE I decide to date them).

Don't be a typical shmuck with women. Be a man and date them ON YOUR TERMS. They'll respect you for it...even if they pretend to complain. Many women "say" they like to go out with an old fashioned "buyer" type guy, but most know that only desperate men are always offering to buy.

Answer 6

You really can't. Friends are different, maybe, and probably don't expect you to pay for them.

But for a date? If you take someone out, do you ask for gas money? Do you expect them to hold every other door? You are being cheap.

Not all equalities are equal, and not all definitions of partner are the same. If it really bugs you that sometimes that means guys pay more money, then you'll just have to find girls who hate that and will pay. Maybe wait around and see if one asks you out :P

Answer 7

Are you sure the women were assuming you wanted to be just friends? It looks like those "friends" were actually thinking it was a date. In that case, they're probably expecting you to pay.

That's the unfortunate reality in this world. Women want to have their cake and eat it too, to be treated equally and yet to be treated like princesses.

In my personal experience, some women of certain cultures tend to do this more than others.

Answer 8

if she's worthy it than yeah pay for her, but u have to understand i rather be with a broke guy than a cheap skate anyday.....in the beginning of a relationship you should take her out make her feel like a princess so down the road you get closer it will be a 50/50 thing.

Answer 9

I believe men and women are equal. I would never let a man pay for everything. It would make me feel like ive been bought.I like to feel independant. I would suggest to her that you go 50/50. (Equal rights and all)

Answer 10

i do agree with you 100% i really liked the way you think and this is the right thing to do, for me when i start dating from the beginning everyone pay his own and its normal but sometimes if its something cheap you can pay and later she pays for something else...you dont have to tell her that but when your paying just pay for yourself and give a hint that you like this idea and its more equal....