I'm very shy and have very little self confidence. How can i change this??

Question

It takes me ages to get to know people but i travel a lot with work so i don't get that time. Also, spending ages in the company of my male work friends believe it or not can get very boring!! I'm NOT looking for sex just company and the chance to have a laugh and a chat. What do i do??

Answer 1

get laid several times

Answer 2

I feel the same way. I am surrounded by all women at work all day and I know very few people as all the women I work with are all older than me by at least 15 years (I'm the youngest in the my office obviously ;) ).I'm 20 and don't know any people my own age, so I know that sometimes it can be hard when you need to step outside of your comfort zone and work on social skills. Btw I think it is so sweet also that you aren't actively looking for sex and you admit fully that you just would like someone to talk and laugh with. <3 Some girls love the thought of that, and trust me I know, because I am one of those girls! I know this isn't much of an answer but I'm in the same boat as you so I'll be checking out the answers you get so maybe I can be helped a little too ;)

Answer 3

Join a club that interests you. Bicyling, hiking etc. You will automatically have something to talk about. A reason to ask someone if theyd like to get together during the in between times before next meeting. And if you do meet a woman you like at least youll know you both like the same thing. If a club is no good, hit the bars. What are you insecure about? We are all shy. Try this. If you start making eye contact with random people, I mean holding a gaze for 3 seconds or longer, you will start to feel more comfortable. That will make it easier if you do see a woman in the future youd like to approach. Next, start looking at women you arent necessariy attracted to and find something about them you can pay the a compliment about. Be genuine though. Pay them the compliment. You can be at a coffe shop or standing in line at a grocery store. If the oppertunity comes up, simply say, thats a really nice sweater youre wearing. When she says Thankyou. You keep the conversation going by asking her if shed mind telling you where she got it because your sister's bday is coming blah blah blah. No matter where she says she got it, you continue from there by saying oh Ive shopped there before. Do you get what Im saying? Its hard to approach people we dont know. But the more you do it the easier it becomes. FYI Women find confidence in a man probably the single most attractive quality. Practice approaching women you fell safe in doing so with. You dont have to ask a woman out simply because you talk to her. Its just small talk. And think of how many women you will make smile with a compliment. Youll brighten alot of womens day. Good luck.

Answer 4

My theory on meeting people and not have anyone hate you:

1. Acknowledge everyone, like high school ex. didn't feel good when you walked down the hall and someone you knew or didn't know said hi to you? Same thing.

2. Don't be over friendly or over excited, people will question your motives of kindness even if its genuine. Reason: Everyone has doubts about strangers and some times people they know so this means they will always protect them selves from actions and behaviors they don't understand

3. Never cross your arms when you are talking to someone, people with low self confidence do this because its like putting their guard up, like a secuirty blanket. Just to let you know people also do this because they don't like what you are saying, its against what they believe, once again they are putting their guard up.

4. Always put your head up, some times this is hard because its feels right not looking around at people and into their eyes.
More people will notice you if you have eye contact, that half a millisecond counts if they are looking right at you. But Finish it off with a neutral face, not a relaxed face because sometimes that makes some one look pissed or depressed.

5. Never demand anything from other people, mentally, physically, emotionally... NOTHING. Only make subtle hints for example, you like martinis recommend someone should go there because you were there the last weekend or something. This way you will see who wants to hang out with you and share common interests.

6. When hanging out with someone think like you are the funniest person, look for all the funny things that are happening. Ex. when ordering martinis find a funny pronunciation for the order. Drink name Tea Tini... you say I want the Teeny Weeny , someone might say excuse me? And then you say Tea Tini if you rather not say it again.


7. If all else fails see a councilor and start going to meet up meetings at meetup.com

Answer 5

First of all, what do you mean you're not looking for sex?? Are you asexual? Did you lose your genitalia in a fishing accident? Of course you're looking for sex, it's the motivating factor for nearly every activity a man does in his life. There is no shame in it either. If your just looking for laughs and a chat you can do that online as you obviously have a computer. So, this begs the question, to what end do you propose this chat and all these laughs you are looking for will have? Sex. Your motivatition for laugh/chat is sex.

Now that we have that straightened out (no pun), we can move on. Go out somewhere that is frequented by women actively pursuing male companionship, what I like to call a "bar". Talk to someone you wouldn't normally be physically attracted to, just for giggles. I'm not saying she has to be ugly, but don't tackle the hot chick with 8 friends either. Stick to girls with 2-3 friends, and try to pick out the middle ones that don't appear to be having fun. You don't have to use pick up lines, just ask the girl if she wants a drink, they usually accept, and sit down and ask her what she does for a living.

I hate to let out their secret, but girls love to talk about themselves, it's their favorite topic. Keep asking her questions about her most important interest....her! It's literally that easy. Try to keep your answers about you short and concise, don't talk about money in term of dollars, talk about assets not amounts, and only if she asks about them directly. Don't offer anything, and try to keep your mouth shut, she doesn't care about your feelings this is about her. Don't talk about your family, listen to her talk about hers. Act like you've done this before, kind of like acting professional. The more comfortable you look, the more comfortable she will feel with you. This is good for you, in terms of long term goals.

If you aren't immediately lucky, and you could be, the next time you see her, more of exactly the same. On the 4th encounter you can start to talk about you a little but don't go crazy. You should be enjoying some physical therapy by date 8-10 at worst, unless she's religious, but you should've found that out on the first encounter, and run away. Good luck

Answer 6

That first response is full of fail.

You're probably over 18, if you travel around for work. But if you're 21, you can go to bars and drink. You should just go to a bar, you don't have to drink that much alcohol or anything... Just chat up with the bartender or someone who's drinking.

Answer 7

if i were u i would have a new strt ... i would go change myself and learn form the mistake from other people ex: if u friend never say thk u and u know its rude then u change make urself say thk every time. ( hope u get wat i mean ) make urself look intresting and always keep a smile , it relax the people surround u it makes u look more nicer and a little more confident. try the get some jks or just talk out ur opinion if they think u are still not good enough to hang out with then just smile and get some neew friends
smile!

Answer 8

when people talk to you listen to them and join in with them even if it is boring dont worry your normal everyone goes through this stage in their lifes your just trying to find out what type of person you are, when you do you wont be shy anymore because you will have more confidence when you know yourself you will get to know other people its the same situation as if you dont love your self no one else will etc,

Answer 9

Become a pub-crawler. Drinking will give you the confidence you need and there are plenty of interesting people to talk to in bars. If they want to go home with you, throw your drink in their face and find someone else to buy you another drink. It will be fun, i promise.

Answer 10

Practice makes perfect, instead of avoiding social situations start seeking them out. Even if you have to break a few eggs pretty soon you will have an omlet.

Answer 11

shy is very good quality cauz everyone now, tries to be jerk.
to be confident you need time ,confidence is matter of experience,just focus on your life and your best,and keep smiling all the time that's what makes you look confident and attractive