What do you know about marrying a deploying soldier?

Question

I am pretty sure my boyfriend is going to propose. He is deploying to Iraq January 12th and a friend of his gave me the heads up. Anything anyone knows about benefits or drawbacks to it?
Thanks

Answer 1

You will hear everything you read here...again...

From your husband, specially if you go with him everywere, after you two get married, he'll have a lot of appointments.

I'm a Navy wife of 6 years, and I just went through my Third Deployment, were he left to Baghdad. The worst.

Try to get in touch with the Chaplain at the Base ok. He will give you a lot of information on how to deal with the Deployment.....if he does in fact get Deployed.

My husband and I talked almost 3 times a week while he was in Baghdad, and when he wasn't on the missions, we talked every day. They even gave him a cell phone to use. We were lucky.

But when he goes to missions you won't hear from him for days at a time, so you have to be prepared. My husband is a K-9 Dog Handler so he had to work a lot with boms, and he busted his leg over there. So be prepared to get calls that are not....happy calls. Calls were you will hear that "strong" man you once knew.....cry.

Mentally...is very hard. He won't be the same man when he returns. If he was in a really bad area, he'll come home very jumpy, and paranoid. He won't sleep for days, and he'll have many nightmares. He will actually have to be put on medication just to calm his nerves for a while.

Get close to God, and to the church. If your young, you will think this is not important. But it is. You both need to be prepared to be compationate with each others needs.

You can't miss his calls when he calls home.....try not too. Those are the only calls he looks foward too. The only thing that keeps him going over there..And try as much as you CAN, to send packages to him, with whatever it is he needs, and ASK'S......don't take this for granted and forget.

The other things....Tricare, medical...dental...BAH....those things you will learn in time. And almost all of them will take care of themselves.

But Deployment?....Stays with you, it leaves scars.

Again.....as soon as you get married....Contact the Chaplain so he can give you a list of servises that will help you get through it....Family....GOOD friends..will help you get through it as well.

Good luck sweety..:-)

--Lucy

Answer 2

When you get married, he will first need to get you enrolled in DEERS. With a copy of your marriage certificate (get several) and your SSN. Then you will be signed up automatically for Tricare Standard. This is medical coverage that has a co-pay and a yearly deductible you must be seen by someone who is approved by Tricare. Once you have your military ID card then you can change to Tricare Prime. In this there is no co-pay or deductible but you can be limited on who you see and where you go at times. Everything must be approved first before seeing a civilian doctor.

You will qualify for base housing or BAH w/dependents rate. If you don't live in housing then the BAH will be based on the zip code of the command he is based at. You can use the base Commissary (grocery store) and Exchange/PX (department store - no tax). While he is gone he will qualify for getting Family Separation which is $250 a month after he is gone for over 30 days.

As for the food allowance, that isn't for a family, it is the same rate whether you are married or single. It is for the AD MEMBER ONLY!! He will use this if he is eating in the galley/mess and it will be deducted from his pay when he does. If he is overseas in Iraq/Afghan it will not be, but don't bank on it being there. It is better just not to count it at all.

Now the disadvantages is if he has been living on the base he is stationed at for awhile then the military will not pay for you to move there. It will be all on your own dime and time. You will spend lots of time apart with infrequent phone calls or emails or letters. There will be times when you hear from him every day and times you don't hear for days, weeks, months. You have to be prepared to move within a few weeks to a place thousands of miles away from your family and friends. Lots of firsts will be missed along with 2nd, 3rds and 4ths.

If you love each other then you won't have a problem at all but you must be patient, understanding, trusting and believe in yourself as well as him.

Answer 3

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Maybe if you broke up with her, then you might be able to be the one who brings up the subject of getting back together. But if you can do it without, it would be much better. But how do you get someone back without seeming desperate? In order to get your ex girlfriend attention, you have to show value without telegraphing your interest in her, while at the same time initiating interaction. So don't ignore your ex texts and calls when they break up with you. It screams that you are so devastated by the breakup that you can't even handle talking to her. You want to respond to her, but do it in the right way. You can even initiate communication if you do it in the right way. You have to maintain a strong frame of confidence, and show your ex girlfriend that your happiness isn't dependent on being with her

Answer 4

FOR GAWD'S SAKE DO NOT PUT EXACT DATES DOWN!!!!!

This is a SERIOUS violation of OPSEC and he(and YOU) can get into a LOT of trouble for it.

Secondly ; DO NOT GET MARRIED before he goes. Too many things can and will happen to change both of you.

Use this deployment to see if you are even CAPABLE of being a military spouse. If the relationship is strong enough to survive a 15 month deployment, than good for you and marry him when he gets back.

The benefits are NOT a valid reason to get married before he goes. They will still be around when he gets back.

Answer 5

there is almost no hope of getting the necessary paperwork handled in that short a time. it can take 10 days for the marriage certificate to come, and you cannot be enrolled into DEERS without it. and you must be enrolled BY the SM.. the new spouse cannot do it, not even with a POA. and the spouse needs a special POA to get their ID without the SM present, and then it takes 30 days for Tricare Prime to kick in.

Answer 6

you have to be married before he leaves for u to get any bennys from the military.... well, you might be able to join a GF group, but other tahn that, the only thing that counts is that piece of paper that you sign on urwedding day...

and dont listen to the guy that posted above me.... ive been married to my sailor for almost 9 years..... we've stayed married thru 1 6 month med deployemtn, to many little deployments to count, 13 monthes to bahrain, and hes currently stationed in Cuba while im here in teh states with our 2 spec. needs kids.... it works, its hard work but it does work if your BOTH commited to the relationhip and making it work...... but, if ether one of u is prone to jealousy? dont get married before he leaves..

Answer 7

Unfortunately as far as the military is concerned as a girl-friend or fiancee you don't exist until your married. You have no entitlements until you say I do.
(If you stay his girlfriend/fiancee while he is deployed and he still wants you to help w/ anything financial or he wants to still help provide for you he can get you power's of attorney's and he can set up an allotment for you to help out if you have any shared debts/bills or anything else that you may share financially or a joint bank account. I had a General Power of Attorney before we married so I could handle his bills, file his taxes, deal w/ his bank or cash any checks or many other things that can come up when a person is out of the country. I have 1 General POA and numerous Special POA's while he is gone for this deployment for all sorts of things I have to deal with as a spouse. Bills, cars, banking, taxes, register a vehicle the list goes on and on!)
I am married to an active duty soldier. We met in 2003 and didn't marry until 2004 and of course during that time as far as the military was concerned I didn't exist. I couldn't get on post w/o him sponsoring me. I couldn't shop at the PX or the Commissary or any other feature available to military families.
After you get married his allowances will change slightly he will get BAH (which they probably take most of it away now if he lives in the barracks or isn't a SGT or above, they are able to live off post in most cases), after getting married he will get BAS (this money is for food, most soldiers who live in the barracks get food cards to eat for free on post)
When he deploys his life insurance amount changes.
There are a few other things financially i won't get into here.
But, honestly unless your relationship is extremely strong I'm not sure if you should rush into marriage before he deploys. That is a personal decision and one no one should take lightly. Deployment is lonely, worrisome time. And if your young or new in your relationship it can leave both people with undue concerns in the back of the mind. Your soldier needs to concentrate on his job and not if his woman is XY&Z (you can fill in the blanks of what people worry about when they are half way around the world and away from there significant other)
This is my 3rd deployment I have gone through with my husband but my 2nd since we've been married.
I am looking at about a total of 8-9 months before I will even see my husband when he comes home for R & R. And hopefully his deployment will be over about 90-120 days later.
I will also let you know that since my husband and I first moved in together we have now moved 7 times. That is in about 4 years (for the first 4 months he would drive 300 mi round trip to spend weekends with me)
I don't know where he is stationed compared to where you live normally but if it's far away from family all I can say is deployment is a very lonely time. And I have seen it to ugly things to even long time marriages. But please don't let any of that stop you if you truly love, respect and honor your soldier.
Good luck on whatever you decide. Just remember the best thing you can do married or engaged while he is deployed is keep yourself busy.. School, family, work, church anything that you enjoy to keep you social and not constantly thinking about how he's doing or you'll drive yourself crazy!

And to whom ever wrote they have to put you in military housing while he's deployed I will let you know that where I live there is an average of 6-12 month wait depending on the number of bedrooms you qualify for (couple w/ no children or 1 child gets a 2 bedroom) and his rank. When we were moved to Kansas in the spring of 2006 my family of 4 and 3 dogs were in a motel for almost 2 months before we got on post housing and when we were moved back to our current installation barely one year later we lived divided from May until July when we finally got housing after I sat in the housing office for 2 days in a row from the time they opened til the time they closed because I was tired of my husband living 150 miles away in the barracks, my kids and 2 of my dogs lived w/ my ex-husband and I lived w/ 1 of my dogs at my In-laws.

Answer 8

The only reason why he'd propose to you, is so he can have that feel of security that "someone is waiting for me back home"...as far as his benefits...yeah..there are none...he's screwed. he's going to live everyday of his term there wondering what his newly wedded young wife is doing what with who and where while he's here hating every single day he lives.
but as for the wife..yeah..you get everything... acces to his bank account thanks to power of atourney, the new car you both talked about getting for a while, a new pet...to sum it up, you get to make all the decisions back home without his approval. so when he does come back home, he can feel like a total stranger, and would want to go back overseas, cause that's the only place he felt "at home".
the two of you would need to sit down and have a serious talk...military and marriage+familly does not go well together. it should not happen.
he's never home, and when he is, he wants to do his things, like relax, watch the game, be real mature and play x-box...and you want all his attention...so on and so on.
i've given this speach millions of times to my marines..they all get married right before deployment for the same reasons...financial benefits, somebody waiting for me..blah, blah, blah!...
a year later..90%of them got divorced shortly after we returned from overseas..and the other 10% got divorced after he got out. because now the wife had to work to support the family, and she prefered it when he was doing it.
It may seem romantic enough at a younger age. the thought of marrying a marine, or soldier who's going away to fight a war, for the sake of this great nation's freedom (in another country). but married life in the military is not glamorous AT ALL! it's alot of waiting, not knowing, worrying, misconsemptions, finacial disputes, etc, etc...
There is no certain age to be "ready for marriage"..if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be... but trust me, while he's in the military..it is NOT meant to be...Wait for him to get out, so you can see who he really is. Right now a rank proceeds his name.Once his first name becomes him again, he'll have a total different aspect on life.

Answer 9

Army wise, there are no official benefits that you can receive by being engaged. However, there are many benefits you can receive if you get married.

As far as personal and emotional benefits, well that's definitely personal opinion.

Answer 10

nothing but financial benefots. he gets waaaaaaaay more money for being married. make sure you have access to the cash. you will have 100% access to all militray bases to shop and chill, etc. on base you pay no shopping taxes and stuff is waaaaay cheaper than for civilians. also, you will be able to go to the doctor on base. you will now have mad crazy health beenfits. this is a win win situation. go for it! the drawbacks, of course you will miss him ane be hella sad.