should i be completely honest with my therapist or save the embarrassment?

Question

I've just started seeing a therapist for my social anxiety disorder. She asked if I had any friends and I lied and said I have two. I don't have any friends at all and kind of never did, I hardly even speak to my family. I've been a hermit for awhile now.. It's embarrassing to admit something like that so I rather not tell her unless it would benefit me. But I'm not sure how long I can keep this lie up! She asks what I did over the week and so far I've just been saying I've been shopping/doing holiday stuff. Do you think I should tell her the truth?? Could she honestly give me some good advice about this? I mean would telling her really be worth it? I'm a horrible conversationalist so even if i do get over the anxiety I'll still be helpless. I feel like I need to tell her all of this but it probably won't do any good..

Answer 1

How could your therapist work with you if you are giving a false story? She would be helping the person in the story, not you. Why pay someone to help you work on this if you aren't willing to be straight with them? You don't want her to see you in a light of being so needy. However, why do you care? She isn't here to be your best friend. She is here to help you look at another way of doing things. Be straight with her. And, be willing to work on making changes. If you continue doing what you are doing, there will be no change. You are going to need to do something different. Wouldn't it be worth making some changes if you could change what is going on?

Answer 2

The help you get from your therapist will only be as good as the information you give her. She will understand why you lied. Even people without social anxiety disorder can be without friends. I'm a very outgoing and friendly person (really) and I currently have only two friends (not counting 'pen-pals' or family). One of my friends is being treated for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (she was nearly beaten to death) and she was told she should have five friends by her therapist. She has one she trusts, and one other that is more of a friendly acquaintance. No one is perfect, and we all need goals. You might want to start with a pen-pal, because you write very well. If you want, I am kliwoch at yahoo dot com, but don't ever expect to meet. The Internet really is world wide.

Answer 3

A therapist is only as effective as the information you give her. If you lie to her she will misdiagnose you and that will cause you more problems. Be upfront and straight with her. Tell her the deep dark secrets of your mind. Don't hold anything back, good or bad. My therapist knows more about me then I think I know about me. When he asks me questions about what is going on and I start to answer, he knows what I am talking about. I consider my therapist to be an important part of my Mental Health Team and also one of the closest friends I have. Without his help and the help of a limited other people I am not sure I would be able to do anything. Tell her the truth or just stop going and mail me the money you are paying her. You are right now just throwing the cash down the sewer.

Answer 4

Be honest so that the therapist will be able to help you. If you don't tell the truth, she won't know the extent of your social anxiety and won't be able to give you appropriate treatment. When a mental health professional encounters a patient with social anxiety disorder, they know that it can be very mild or incredibly severe. They also know that a lot of times, treatment involves working on conversation skills. If you don't open up and be honest, you're not giving yourself a chance to get better.

Plus, as a mental health professional, she's probably heard it all. I can guarantee you that she has had cases that would make your head spin.

You have a social anxiety disorder, so it makes sense that you're feeling anxiety about opening up to a therapist. But they really are there to help. It's like going to a dentist and not telling them about a toothache or going to a medical doctor and not mentioning that you've been coughing up blood.

Give your therapist a chance to help you.

Answer 5

Come clean in the next session, or you are wasting your time! See social anxiety, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 9; also social skills (both genders addressed). These can be learned, to some extent at least. Read newspapers, and Your Yahoo: Reuters: Oddly Enough. Memorise some; copy others on a scrap of paper, and read in a toilet break. Ask about them; their family, plans, embarrassing moments, worst fears, favorite food, music, etc. Consider volunteering, when your condition improves: you'll meet positive, supportive people, and be able to work on those social skills. Start off slowly; an hour or two per week. Sections 47, and 38 refer.

Answer 6

Just be honest. It's a wonderful feeling to say the least to be able to just talk to someone about whatever you want to and for them to not judge you. If she does judge...find a new therapist..she's not worth your time let alone your money. I'm the same way as you..no friends. Your not alone.

My therapist has been working with me to try to find ways to help me branch out and find new friends....maybe your could too. You have to tell her first of course. It's not so bad..trust me. The feeling you'll get after you just let it out is so wonderful too...it's like a ton of weigh just lifted off your sholders or something. Tell her. She can only help you out with the things she knows about after all. Therapists don't have crystal balls.

Answer 7

I'd be honest with someone I'm paying to help me.

And you said you were a horrible conversationalist. Well, you write good paragraphs. If talking with your therapist upsets you, perhaps you can bring a laptop and type out stuff first. Just a weird idea...

Answer 8

Lying to your therapist does you no good at all. In fact, it kinda makes the point of going to a therapist moot. Own up to the lie and she'll help you explore why you felt the need to lie. This in itself could be very insightful into your problem and help the therapist to help you.

Shame on you for not being completely honest to begin with.

Answer 9

be honest. i mean you're paying them for something right? might as well get your money's worth.

plus. it's taking a toll on you the more you keep the lie going. if there's anyone you'd rather talk to, then your therapist should be the one to talk to. they've dealt with problems and have learned to help people. Plus, if you want to be a better conversationalist and get over anxiety, what better way then talking it out?

can't get better if you don't try.

Answer 10

Be honest. It will stress you out, but make you more intent on curing yourself. There are many great books out there from people who have changed their lives.

Your last 2 sentences indicate that your thinking is 'off'. I hope that your therapist is trained in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) - it will be the best thing for you. It isn't advice but rather showing you how the way you are thinking is causing the problem, and how to change it. It's not easy, but worth it.