My husband has told me he might or might not lose his job. We have a bunch of medical bills and all. He has been taking medicines because of the abuse for over a decade. And I am seeing a psychotherapist because of his wrecking havoc with my life. I have trouble working due to medical illnesses and have thought about trying to switch to jobs where I will not have to do any heavy or even moderate lifting. I am also late for my cycle, which I've been having problems with the last few-several months, being late and extremely heavy. I've been suspecting early perimenopause. I am so afraid if I am going to pregnant. I lost the last one; if I am again, it could possibly mean my life. I feel like my husband took advantage of me after my mother passed away. And I don't know how to do what I must do. I also have been thinking about going to see the domestic abuse counselor again beforehand, in case he hurts me again. Please give me some advice on how to go on. How can I manage?
2007-12-08 16:07:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I don't have any relatives or friends to go stay with that I can think of. And I am even scared to take the test and find out the results. I don't know how to make ends meet if I don't make enough money and I am afraid of not being able to make it on my own.
2007-12-08 16:10:26 · update #1
You are living a life of fear. You can't deal with what you don't know. Your future seems so uncertain, because you have no path. How do you survive? You live for today! You do what you can today. Tomorrow is a new day but tomorrow may never come so that is why it is important to live for today, and plan for tomorrow.
You have so many things going on and they are compounding, so start by writing down the things that you can deal with today, and do the best you can to get through it. Set small goals for yourself, and reward yourself when you are able to accomplish them. If you focus on only today, and you continue to live with "only today" all those days will add up and before you know it, the problems in your life will start to diminish. However, you have to start taking control of your life today.
You can start by seeking information to change your job. Make that your first goal. Then you can do more work and generate more income. Take the test, because you are worrying yourself sick about if you might be pregnant, and if you are not, then your stress will go down, and then you might get your cycle back to normal. If you are pregnant, then at least you know what you are dealing with, but likely this is all stemming from huge stress. Set some plans in place, so if he does look like he is going to get abusive, you have a place to go. (Take $10 a week and put it into an emergency fund, so you can have a hotel room for a night or two so you can get away, or find out information for shelters so you have an escape route in place.) If you are wanting to leave him but don't think you can just yet, then set some goals for yourself to work towards so that you can have the power to leave him one day. Each day that you deal with something in your life, you will get stronger. (Think of a body builder...they do not get those muscles over night. They work at it every day, and that focus pays off for them. If you focus to make change in your life, you will get change, but only you can change your life, (no one else) and if you work at it everyday it will happen! Doing nothing gets you nothing.)
I was exactly where you are, but I am not there any more. Fear comes from what you don't know, and if you do not have plans for your future, then you will never know what the future will bring, and you will always live in fear. Break the cycle.
2007-12-08 17:06:31 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Leave this guy no matter wat. U cannot live with someone who is beating on u. Keep lookin for another job, dont give up that search. Look for every obstacle there is a solution (stole that). If u are pregnant just look at it as a blessing, trust me it is. Talk to a domestic abuse counsler. Also get intouch with family members that u totally TRUST and that wil help u. Also make sure u find a way to depend on yourself and not anyone else. U need to stay calm and make sure u take everything one step at a time. Do not rush, its gonna be hard but remember nothing is impossible.
2007-12-08 16:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by Josh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
National Domestic Abuse Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
2007-12-08 16:15:58 · answer #3 · answered by Toadsputum 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough one and any answer is going to sound trite. Problems come and problems go-we all get through them somehow. You need to get some help. Your idea of going to an abuse counselor is a good one. They should be able to help you with the other stuff as well. You might be suffering from depression and so getting help with that could help you to see everything in a better light. hang in there-get some help- and good luck.
2007-12-08 16:13:07 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I doubt you're pregnant. Stress does amazing damage to your body, and will definitely change your menstrual cycle. I went through a similar situation and did not have a period for close to 6 months. Contact your abuse counselor ASAP, and GET OUT.
2007-12-08 16:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good heavens, Hon, you have too much of a burden to carry. The only advice I can give you right now is to pray, and also to seek out those around you who are caring and with more experience.
I wish you the best.
2007-12-08 16:12:45 · answer #6 · answered by Red Velvette KY 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Apply for Medicaid and public aid if he loses his job or if you need insurance. There are plenty of resources to get health insurance also out there if need be. Find out your domestic violence hotline where you live at and move out. Your worth better.
2007-12-08 16:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by Erik 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the police first and then to a women's shelter. And to the dude above that said being religous is a complete and utter crapbag because saving yourself and getting a better life for yourself has nothing to do with god or JESUS!!!!!
2007-12-08 16:19:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow where to begin. You know what? Get a counselor, you can find free help, get some. Your answers arent here. If nothing else, go talk to someone from church. If you dont go to one, pick one and start going.
Any family available?
2007-12-08 16:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by Steve S. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you have a pastor you can talk to ? That would be your best course at the moment...I know it sounds cliche' but Jesus really does care about you and wants to help...all you need to do is seek Him and ask Him and His will for your life....and trust Him to follow through with His promises.
I'll pray for you and you have a blessed day :-)
2007-12-08 16:12:20 · answer #10 · answered by + † + Tobias 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋