My mother is a MOB-zilla. Up until now, she hasn't wanted to help with anything. My parents aren't on the same page and refuse to be. My dad gave me a budget and told me to spend how I want. My mom says it's her money and she gets final say on everything (we agree on almost nothing). I've hired all vendors, and now she is saying she is taking everything over when she comes to visit for Christmas. I can't get around her, and I'm too weak to handle all the stress. I've seen brides so stressed out that on their day, they just want it to be over. I remind myself constantly that the point is my marriage and not the wedding. Nevertheless, a wedding is a production (there are many people to hire and decisions that need to be made). Bottom line, my mom doesn't like planning, but also doesn't like my decisions. I want a nice wedding, but I also want to elope. P.S. There are no frills, just minimum. I think I've lost my mind. What would you do? Should I elope?
2007-12-08 15:35:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It didn't bother me that my mom didn't want to help plan. I enjoyed it and thought I was doing a good job.
2007-12-08 15:37:10 · update #1
MOB = Mother of the Bride
2007-12-08 15:45:42 · update #2
If you are staying in the budget your parents gave you, and you are happy with the plans, stand up to your mother and tell her that this is your wedding. She had her wedding and you wish to have yours the way you want it. If she gets upset and threatens to pull the plug on the budge, then tell you that you will be ok with that and you and your husband to be will elope and they will not know when or where. Then do it and she will get over it.
2007-12-08 15:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by Diane B 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Well, no matter how much you plan, sweat and stress something will go wrong. Don't worry, it's usually something minor that you won't even think about until way later. Just aknowledge that you have done you best & your hardest to make this an occassion everyone will love. The only time it will be perfect is when it's all over, and believe me, it flys by the day of. So enjoy it, and remember, you want him to mean those words on that altar so don't give him reason to doubt your sanity Avoid feeling guilty about being a bridezilla later by not being one now. Call on the help of trusted friends and family members, if you don't trust how they'll perform the task, write detailed instructions and I'm sure they'll do just fine. Keep in mind you're proabably the only one that will notice the finest details anyway.
2016-04-08 02:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
gosh sometimes we mums can be such a pain! and sometimes we may not realize that we are being a pain!
so, if you have it all done, then when she comes to visit, just tell her how much you appreciate her offer but you have everything completely organized, there is nothing left to do so lets just enjoy our time together. suggest an outing or two that the two of you would enjoy!
as for eloping, i don't blame you, and if its getting to be too much then perhaps the two of you should consider it. as i always say all you need for a wedding is the bride, the groom, a couple of rings, and the preacher. everything else is just icing on the cake!
2007-12-08 19:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to put your foot down and tell your mother that you are doing the planning, and if she is not happy with that, you will be happy to let her plan whatever she wants! You and your soon to be husband will not be there, seeing as you are either going to have the wedding the way you have planned, or you will just elope and she will miss seeing you get married! Can you get your dad to help you, or does she control him too?
If you do not stand up to her now, you will not be happy with the wedding! A controlling person will push until you have to tell them that you will not take it any more. Better to do it now, then to wait 10 years and let her cause problems in your marriage!!
2007-12-08 15:44:59 · answer #4 · answered by fire4511 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Wow, first off, I feel for you. There are so many wrongs in this situation against your mother that I can't figure out where to begin.
But calm down. Take a breather.
Years ago, mothers were the ones to plan their daughters wedding, but times have changed. I guess one thing you could do is sit you mother down and explain to her that this is your wedding, not hers. You respect her decisions but ultimatley this is your wedding and you, first and foremost, need to be happy with the decisions.
You need to step up to her and let her know that she has crossed the boundaries and needs to step back. She is using the contribution of money as leverage. She needs to know that "Hey, if you do not stop, we will elope and keep you out of it completely," also you could tell her that if this is "her" money, then you do not accept it, and would rather take on the burden of the wedding costs yourself, than be put in this type of "my-way-or-the-highway" situation. Maybe saying these things will get her to realize that she is over the line.
Congrats on the wedding, but apologize for the mother who thinks she is the boss.
Keep us updated!
2007-12-08 15:48:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think you need to have a heart to heart chat with your mom. She is probably happy that you're getting married and excited about the plans. Btw, are you the only girl or the first daughter to get married? She might just want to do it if she things it's her only or last chance to help plan a wedding.
On the other hand, did her and your dad elope? IF they did, then she might be trying to live vicariously through you and have the wedding she didn't get to have. That said, have a friendly chat and tell her that you enjoy the time you spend together and love having her help with the plans, but you have your own ideas. See what she has to say, you might end up liking them. Good luck.
2007-12-08 15:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Ya she needs to be stopped. If she refuses to stop then you and your fiance need to make up a budget of your own OR plan something with just your father (I know it sounds mean but she's being evil). or you could also also elope but only if it's truely right for both you and your fiance. Don't let her steal your day, she had hers now it's your turn and she needs to realize that. Good Luck.
2007-12-09 03:54:40 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I kind of know what you are going through...except it is MOG.
It is your wedding. Don't ever forget it. You will only have one--and you want it to reflect who you are and not who everyone else is...Including your mom. It's crazy that we have to remind ourselves of this when all our lives we've dreamed of how perfectly wonderful that day would be. Never mind the mom's involved. Your ideas are the best because they are yours.
And it is your day.
Best of wishes to you...And just a tip..Before she arrives have a close and very good friend come over and be there for you. One who has the guts to say, "no, this is what she wants"...That is invaluable!! I know!! :~) Take a long bath, have a cup of tea, and enjoy yourself...This should be the happiest time of your life. :~)
Good luck and a very merry Christmas to you!!
2007-12-08 16:24:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Do not discuss your plans with her. she doesn't have any say and if she gets bitchy tell her you are not going change anything. Your father, What does he say about this butinsky trying to hijack your wedding. Ask him what is he going to do? Will he send you the money? Does He have any control of the money?. You can always tell her forget it, You'll get married at the courthouse, tell her it will be her fault that you have to do this.
2007-12-08 16:36:55 · answer #9 · answered by redd headd 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Freeze her out give her no information about your plans she is a control freak and it is really mean to wait until you have planned the wedding and then want to cancel your plans it is your wedding it is not her money . It is yours from your father.
Tell her you and fiancee are going to go away over the holidays . she is welcome at the wedding as a guest. Do not see her or discuss the wedding until the big day.
2007-12-08 15:43:27 · answer #10 · answered by Nora 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋