causal relationships?

Question

I've been hooking up with this guy for almost 4 months now and we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend. We usually wind up hanging out at his house, watch movies, and then have sex. Hes a few years older then me and has a demanding career so he says he isn't looking for a relationship. I'm fine with not being offical, I'm more physically attracted to him then emotionally,but I'm not crazy about the fact that I don't know if he's sleeping with other people. I don't know how to approach him about it...he doesn't like to talk about "us" or serious things like that. I've never done the causal thing before and I don't know what to expect out of this...am I being stupid for having a causal relationship? Do people do it alot? I want to say its a friends with benefits kind of relationship, but its feels like more than that...Anyone who has expeirence please gimme some advice....

I know not emotionally attachted to him whatsoever. I care about him like a friend, the sex it very good and I think for both of us its just nice having someone to cuddle and be with, without the baggage of a serious relationship. We did have unprotected sex once, but it will never happen again and it hasn't.

Answer 1

You don't have to have a "title" to be serious. That title is just for other people. If you want a commitment don't be afraid to stand your ground and it get. If your okay with havening a undefined romance relationship then I don't see the problem. It depends where you stand and what you want and that both of you want the same thing.

Answer 2

You have kind of answered your own question somewhat here I think by putting "he says he isn't looking for a relationship"! You say your attracted more physically yet I don't see it that way. You are concerned about who he is with etc...so I take it you want more out of this and it is totally proper and acceptable on your part. Based on what I am seeing in that he only takes you to his house, watch a movie, have sex and he tells you he does not want a relationship it does not look promising. I would expect he is seeing other woman and you will end up hurt. An interested guy would be taking you out, getting you flowers and treating you different. These things seem great but usually end up with attachments and someone (you) getting hurt. I would lay it on the line and see how he reacts. You can do much better trust me and it is always better to have an emotional attachment than just a casual partner.
Good luck and all my best!!

Answer 3

By this stage pretty much zero. If it was going to happen it would have done by now. The only way I can see it becoming more is if you ended the casual thing and he suddenly realises what he's lost. But you've basically been giving him everything he wants without any strings. Why would he want to complicate things if he feels theres no need if your not going anywhere. Your in danger of getting hurt if you havent been already. If I were you, I'd end it on good terms, just tell him that you need more from a guy and he's not able to give it to you so you've got to move on. If you decide to end it, then make sure you stick to it and dont go back to him or he will loose respect for you. If he does show signs of wanting more then go back to basics and just date him for a while and get to know him in this new way, but dont do anything sexual with him. That way you know he's saying those things because he really does want you for real and he's not just saying it cos that what he thinks you want to hear to get you back into bed!

Answer 4

Hi, I don't think casual relationships are a good idea. Your giving up a lot of yourself to be with this guy and he might not be feeling anything for you. If you don't see yourself having a future with this guy and you see yourself breaking up with him in the future, then you should probably break up with him now and save yourself the pain of waiting. The physical part of a relationship is not the important part. The guy has to be there for you and listen to you, and visa versa, if he is unwilling to do that then its not a good relationship. There's little point to a casual relationship, because you can be holding yourself back from meeting other guys who you can have a real relationship with. Plus, you said you don't know if this guy is sleeping with other people, which means you don't have trust in him. There's no such thing as a relationship without trust. If he doesn't like talking about serious thing as to your relationship that means he's not interested in it and you shouldn't waste your effort with him. Find someone else who is interested, and someone else who your interested in, more than physically.

Answer 5

I have had more than a few of these types of relationships and I usually tell myself that I don;t want anything more, but any man that I sleep with, I have to also know. After all, I am giving him my body and spending my time with him, so after a while sex can get boring and he has to have something else to add to whatever it is we have, in order to keep me interested.

It may FEEL like more than a friends with benefits relationship, but considering that he won't talk to you about anything except taking off your clothes and how good or bad the movie you just watched was, it's nothing more than casual sex. People do this all the time, sometimes whether they know it or not. Women tend to get more emotionally attached to men and quicker. We like to tell ourselves that things will blossom into something more than the physical, when we know in the back of our minds that it won't. You have to ask yourself WHY it feels like more than casual sex, and you may just answer your own question. People do this ALOT, so it's nothing to be ashamed of, but if you want a relationship, or feel that you are starting to catch feelings for this guy, you may want to move on to prevent yourself from getting hurt in the long run. Best wishes and happy holidays!

Answer 6

My feelings are this:

He has no right not to talk about specific things that pertain to you & your health. You do have the right to know if he is sleeping with other people. You are giving him way too much power. Why on earth would you allow a guy who won't commit to you...whether you want a commitment or not...to determine your health and essentially your life?! It's YOUR body, YOUR health, YOUR life...and you are giving him God-like control of YOU.

My guess is that he is sleeping with other women. Please tell me that you aren't having unprotected sex with him. I strongly suggest you ALWAYS use protection. I don't think smart people are having casual sexual relationships.

Ask yourself this...how will you feel after you get your first STD? That should tell you everything you need to know. Let's just hope it's not AIDS or HIV.

Answer 7

The thing with a casual relationship is that you are not together or monogamous, so if you want to have sex with someone else you can. He told you upfront that he doesn't want a relationship. If you can't handle the fact that he may be sleeping with someone else then stop dealing with him. The only thing you can expect is nothing. Sounds like you may be getting attached.

Answer 8

You're a side dish. Not a main course. And yes, casual relationships are not real bright! You can call it "friends with benefits" if it makes you feel better.

Answer 9

am in same situation as you, i am a single mum and having this kind of relationship with a single dad, this is my first casual relationship as well but mine said right from beginning he was scared of being hurt but will be faithfull and adked the same from me he is just busy, but i want more, sometimes its hard on me

Answer 10

Sounds like you should dump the guy. I had someone do that to me and he was sleeping with 3 other people. I also hope that you are using protection.