crazy family situation... should we still have a wedding??

Question

here's our family situation:

FIANCE:
-doesn't get along so great with his parents and sister and doesn't want them super involved with wedding plans or his life either...
-family consists of his mother, father, sister, brother, brother's wife, grandmother and step-grandmother...

ME:
-dad passed away...
-never met my mom, but she recently contacted me and lives in another state...
-don't get along with cousins and one aunt that well, but would still invite them...
-grandmother doesn't believe in "the institution of marriage" and probably won't be super happy about me wasting perfectly good money on a wedding...
-family consists of: my grandma, step-mother (who i'm not all that close with), two little sisters (which i am very close with), aunt and boyfriend, aunt and uncle, two cousins (female, 17 yrs old and 29 yrs old)...

Given all of the information above, is it worth it for us to have a wedding or should we just elope?? It doesn't matter to us either way...

he says it's up to me... but i can't make up my mind... sure, i'd like to have a nice wedding, but i could live without spending the 10 grand or whatever it's going to amount to... and i know some family members would love to see us get married and others don't care or wouldn't support it because we are "young" (21 and 24)...

so... to have a wedding, or to elope??? thanks for all the answers... =)

wow... who the hell went and gave everyone a thumbs down lol

anyway... in orange county, CA, it's hard to haave a wedding for less than 10 grand!!! every place we've even considered is at least 5 grand to rent the place and pay for the food... then you have all the other expenses (dresses, tuxes, photographers, cake, etc...)

Answer 1

i would say elope. if the families are that much trouble and you anticipate that much aggravation and grief then i say elope.
get yourself a pretty little dress, put him in a shirt and tie, and go away for the weekend and get married. all you ever need for a wedding is the bride and groom, a couple of rings, a licence and a preacher! everything else is just additional expense!
when you get back home, then invite those who mean the most to you to join you both at home for a nice dinner and celebrate your marriage with them.
its not the wedding that makes a good marriage sweetie, in fact the wedding itself doesn't matter, what matters is the two of you have a good marriage and enjoy life!

Answer 2

I dont understand what the problem is but i can tell that it does matter whether you elope or get married. honestly it looks like you both would rather get married but your family situation is making that hard. I say this becase if you didnt care then you would have gotten eloped already. If the fact that your father passed away, and possiblely your mother and other family member won't show up makes you want to wait then wait. If your fiance wants his family to also be there then he should wait also. both of you should tell them. marriage is a unity of two people, you and your fiance but that does not mean that both your families shouldn't be a part of it because they are acting funny. i know you two just want to get married in any way but you will regret you didn't have your family involved in the most improtant event of your life. Not everyone need to get along even though it would be nice for a wedding to happen with family. ACTION: you should call a family meeting and to the once who can't attend send an email or a letter. at the meeting and in the letters you and your fiance should tell all your close family that you love them no matter what is going on. then tell them that you and your fiance are going to get married no matter what and it would be nice if they all would be there (you trully may not want every one there but it is better that you invit all and that they dont show rather that you don't invit and you reget it later on in life). then tell them that you can iether elope or have a wedding, ask which would they rather do. you should get married, a small wedding if money is a problem. Good luck

Answer 3

my friend who eloped encouraged me to have a wedding. I'm glad I did. She was always sad because she only had "wedding jeans."

I say go for it and just have a wedding.

There is a way to have a wedding inexpensively. I would suggest two things. First: get the book, Bridal Bargains. It was my wedding bible. It has all the tricks.

Second: Find a hotel that does all-inclusive packages. Then you have a place and it's decorated already and you don't have to worry on rentals of chairs and such.

burn a cd for the music and hire someone to play each song, create a program by typing up two pages of text and photocopying it down like a book when folded in half, then copy onto nice paper at kinkos. decorate the front and back with embossing tools, embossing powder and stamps of your choice (which could be used on favor tags and invites also).

For the invitations --I made my own and don't recommend it. It was a LOT of work for little gain. Get a single panel black ink program (the very cheapest kind, and doesn't need extra postage.). Then use pre-stamped post cards from the post office for r.s.v.p.s. They are really pretty. Use an address stamp and embossing powder for the return address. . .

j. crew has really pretty dresses for wedding and for the bridal party that are affordable.

the guys could wear khaki pants and white shirts with or without a blazer

the cheapest time food-wise for a reception is afternoon between lunch and dinner --about 2:30 or 3:00. You could have a dessert reception with tea and coffee and punch. I know someone who had a contest amongst friends of who could bring the best wedding cake and they all did and there was a vote and the best won a prize. . .

all my best to you.

Answer 4

Hi. Yikes! Your situation IS tough.

For one thing...I WOULD NOT spend the 10 grand (and I believe it IS that much in Orange County) on pleasing your family or your fiance's. Both families seems like they will give you grief the whole way.

I must totally agree with Shayla. I would not run away (elope)...but I would find a nice beach, garden, park, church? maybe in another county/city and invite my closest friends and those who you DO care about (your sisters) and have a small wedding. You could even do this at a restaurant in a private room. I would make it really small. Then have dinner for your guests.

I would:
~ Get a pretty dress (informal wedding dress?)...there are sooo many that are pretty. Look on David's Bridal site.
~ Have a maid of honor and best man.
~ Have your sisters in the wedding???
~ Get a small bouquet for you and your maid of honor...boutonnieres for the groom and best man.

Have a minister/judge...whomever perform your ceremony. Make it special for YOU!

And...don't worry about the rest of the family....INVITE ONLY those that you care about. If your groom doesn't care about his family....leave them out! You don't say if he is close or not with his brother.

So....I guess what I am suggesting is an "elopement with a twist!" Of course, a true elopement is when the two of you go away...come back and announce that you are married! I WOULD want those that I care about at my wedding...so I would plan it with select family ONLY invited.

Now...possibly that will not work. Maybe you think that if you if some...you need to invite all...and maybe you are right....so if that is how you feel, then, yes, I would elope. When you come back throw an informal "get together/celebration" party for yourselves where you can invite your families and friends.

Answer 5

if you want the ceremony, I wouldn't elope, but I wouldn't put myself through the stress and misery of pleasing all that family either. What you should do is go somewhere, like disney or the beach or where ever is special for yall. Take only your closest friends, the family you care about such as your sisters, and get married with a small wedding. Best of luck! and remember, the marriage is much more important than the ceremony

Answer 6

Have the wedding at a friends nice home, invite a couple members of each family and a few friends. Save money here and spend in on the honeymoon and the new home.

Good luck and Congratulations

Answer 7

I have a crazy wedding situation also..my fiance is a Marine and we are young also. I would elope and then have a vow renewal later or some sort of celebration for the people who want to be there. Good luck!

Answer 8

Why does it have to cost ten grand? It could be done for less.
In my opinion, you deserve to have a beautiful wedding. You deserve to be the
center of attention for this special day. It is your decision, not your grandmother`s.
Your family situation is not so crazy. A wedding is ment to show that you both have made a vow to love, honor and cherish each other until death you do part.
The reception is to celebrate the union. The reception can be just dinner or it can be an all out bash. You should let people who love and care about you share the day with you.
I wish you happiness in your life together.

Answer 9

An alternative to eloping vs big wedding - have a small, intimate wedding and invite people. Have a little reception or whatever and go on your honeymoon. Those who want to show up and support you will, those who don't won't but at least you've given them the option to be a part of it. Good luck.

Answer 10

Buy yourself a nice dress, and go to Vegas. It doesn't seem as if your families would mind if you didn't include them in your plans.

In the end, what really matters is what you two want and what makes you happy. Shop outside of the orange county area for a nice dress and head over to Vegas! Be sure to take lots of pics, tho!

I suggest you announce to the closest ones to you when and where you will be getting married, and leave it up to them if they want to attend. You could probably include the closest ones to you (sisters) in your wedding party as bridesmaids.

VEGAS BABY!!!!