Without judging or sounding harsh, how do I tell someone I don't want to gossip?

Question

There is someone at work who gossips often. I don't want to tick them off or hurt their feelings but I want to tell them I don't want to hear it or participate in it because I don't feel like it is right. I also don't want to sound like I'm judging them if possible.

Answer 1

Direct Way: Please, I don't feel comfortable talking about [insert converstation here]

Indirect Way: Oh, look at that snow. Oh, I need to tell you [insert something completely irrelevant to your gossip].

Real Indirect Way: Glaze out the window and don't say anything until she stops gossiping.

Answer 2

Wow - I'm surprised. . . . here in the US we tend to think of the Netherlands as being very open, accepting, progressive, equal for all preferences - sorry to hear you are getting static from peers. (In my case - just the opposite: in school I was naturally so "macho" or straight-acting, that I flew below the gaydar and had a hard time getting people to accept me as gay). Here's something I've seen work for others: do you feel more gay or fem around really macho straight guys? That's natural to feel so in comparison - - - and normal for such situations to reinforce your fem tendencies. It would be ideal if you could find a very, very fem boyfriend to hang with: you would not only look more macho in comparison, but it would reinforce and stimulate your masculine side. May or may not be possible for you or work - but has for others. But don't stress - whether you go on to university or into the "real world" - everything will be different once you are not longer a "school boy". Less pressure for peer approval, more focus on your contribution, total freedom to establish whatever identity comes naturally to you.

Answer 3

Let me tell you. People who have a problem with gossip are the last ones who think they do. The last thing they want is to have it exposed to them. They will become defensive and maybe even hurt. Someone here said change the subject when an opportunity presents itself and that is good, but if you can try not to be around this individual. It is not your duty to change their character.

Answer 4

I've told people I have a lot of work to do (or I'm on deadline) & will have to catch up another time. If you sound as if you're too good for that type of talk, you may offend them & become their next target.
Try to avoid being alone with them. Gossips don't like witnesses who could back you up.

Answer 5

I have this prob. I don't think you'll ever get on with them if you don't like to gossip. Try and change the subject and hopefully they'll go away.

Answer 6

I have a sign on my desk that gets the point across very well.

it says > I don't keep secrets, Any thing you say can and will be repeated.

needless to say since I put it up I haven't heard a word of gossip.

Try it and enjoy the silence.

Answer 7

Just be honest in a nice way if it comes to that. Have you tried changing the subject as a hint? it might work.

Answer 8

just tell the person that you don't feel comfortable talking about whoever they are talking about... or you could try to change the conversation in a subtle way if possible... good luck with that one!! =)

Answer 9

So simple; just tell her you like to talk about people when they can respond, otherwise you'd feel bad.
Then the shoe will be in her foot.

Answer 10

Keep changing the subject, maybe they'll take the hint.

Answer 11

Tell them "You seem to be very interested in so and so, I'm not"