I'm in a bit of a tricky predicament can anyone help?

Question

I started dating someone twenty years older than myself purely because i found the man funny and kind but as i got to know him more i found him controlling and completely untrusting because of a previous relationship. He was quick to fall in love and quick to treat me badly when i said i didn't feel the same. We were on and off for quite some time but he was continually nasty through texts and calls and worst of all when i was at work (in a pub to pay for my studies) so i would reconcile for the wrong reasons i.e. to make life easier. But I ended up moving away not because of him but because of family difficulties and now he's continually texting me and calling me saying he's found out that i've cheated on him behind his back with yet another man (I have never done this) I do not reply to his texts but he is continually nasty. A lot of people have my number and it's a big upheaval to change mobile number and i feel i shouldn't have to but i don't know what to do it makes me feel bad.

Answer 1

First of all do not in the slightest way acknowledge these texts or phone calls, don't answer or reply.
There's a good chance that over time he will get bored with texting what appears to be a brick wall and just give up, the smallest contact with you fuels the fire.

Secondly, keep everything he sends you and then you have the choice to go to the police.
It's all well and good for us to say you should do this now but only you know this guy and what his reaction would be.
Only you knows if there's a chance it may kick off, he might get violent, come looking for you so it's only you that can make that call.

If he's been texting you a week or two then maybe it will die off, if it's been a month or two then your at a point where the Police are becoming your best option.

Whatever happens, keep yourself safe, make sure he has absolutely no idea where you live, work, go drinking just incase.

Just be happy that your out of this relationship and you can now see this moron for the sick and twisted guy he really is.

Answer 2

you have done nothing wrong so u should not be feeling bad at all! and no dont reply to the txts or calls at all no matter what but keep the txts don't delete them and record the calls u get in a book if the these first two ideas fail. ok first, see if u can get his number blocked on your mobile cuz it does help if u can and all the nasty txts and calls will finish just call your mobile's company and they should help u.
if that fails go get a new phone and txt the number to the friends u trust and who will not give your new number to him no matter what.
if u dont want to get a new phone then take the txts and calls u noted down to the police and see what they can do for u, if they are a nasty as u say they are, they will most likely put u in the right direction then any of us can.
good luck i hope things will turn out ok for u soon.
oh and remember u have nothing wrong so no feeling bad ok? ^-^

Answer 3

My cell service offers a number blocking feature--first check that out, you can enter any of his numbers which should certainly be a deterrent, as he would have to use other phones.

Alternatively, if you do not have that option you can delete the texts and voicemails as they come in without reading them or listening to them to save yourself the stress Text him and let him know that from now on you are deleting everything from him, it may take away his motivation if he believes he is talking to the wall, so to speak

You can also say that you have looked into a restraining order and if he does not stop, you will pursue it. That may be enough. As difficult as changing your number is, it may be less of a hassle than actually going through the drama of getting a restraining order--unless you feel a threat, then by all means do it.

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes! This will pass, GOOD luck! Happy Holidays! XO

Answer 4

She needs to see a doctor and perhaps a therapist, there's obviously a reason behind this. She should change her pill if its causing her to have a low sex drive. The best way to increase your libido is to HAVE SEX and the fact that she isn't willing to try and work on the problem seems like there is something holding her back. The fact is this is affecting your relationship and if you don't try to rectify it, the problem will contnue to grow. There's nothing wrong with having a low sex drive but as with anything in relationships, compromise is key and if you let it continue, its just gonna end up destroying your relationship, be it through resentment, anxiety, cheating.

Answer 5

You are a victim and this guy is a predator. You should change your phone numbers and possibly take out a court order on him to restrain him from all types of contact. He has subjected you to verbal abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse and possibly sexual abuse. There are help lines through most religious organisations and also community help available through hospitals and even the police. This guy could very well be dangerous, so don't kid yourself that just because you know him that he won't hurt you. Most assaults are by someone known to the victim. You need to get educated so that you don't become somebody else's victim as most women who find their way into an abusive relationship repeat their actions.
There are many men out there who have no chance of being an alpha male in a man's world, so they terrorise and abuse women and children to make themselves feel like tough guys.

Answer 6

I don't understand why you feel so bad, first of all. It's not like you've done anything to deserve everything that he's doing to you. You may have to change your number eventually, although it may be a hassle. Either that, or put his number in the restriction section of your phone, so that you can no longer receive messages or texts from him. Look through your phone manual on how to do it, or call the phone company for instructions on how to do it. If he keeps on with his harassment, log all of his texts down in a notebook and save all of his angry, threatening voice mails and contact legal aid. Best wishes and happy holidays. There's a way to get around everything.

Answer 7

Don't you have a Father,Brother,Friend who can visit him and have a 'polite' word? I wouldn't bother contacting him again in any way as that'll probably just provoke him more ie he'll have gained your attention. Either just get his numbers blocked by your network provider or change your number.As long as it's just calls and texts they are the answers,but if he started turning up on your doorstep etc,contacting the police and a restraining order would be the way to go(hopefully for you it won't get to that stage).I would get a male relative to have a word,warn him off,you shouldn't have to deal with his inability too face the reality that you are not in each others lives anymore.Hope this helps....Good Luck

Answer 8

Contact your local police - they might have some useful ideas. Laws against harassment are much stronger than they were a few years ago.

BTW I'm an older guy and am as sweet and harmless as a teddy bear. The worst I've ever done is send one (and I mean one) horrible e-mail to a girl who dumped me by e-mail like she was spitting out a piece of gum that had lost its flavor. I don't do harassment - never have.

Answer 9

I'm 16 and I dated a 26 year old man. He didn't tell me he was 26, however. I broke up with him when I found out he was married to a 17 year old girl, and when I found out he was 26.

I filed a police report, and I gave the detective who is working my case my old phone with the dirty/harassing/unwelcomed texts/videos/pictures on it.

I don't know what the laws would be since you're both of age, but you can always call and find out.

Answer 10

do as the other person said get the order also contact your cell provider and tell them what is going on and see if they can block his number or some other help they may be able to offer. And please don't give in and answer the call. and DO NOT go met him in an attempt to make him stop. The way you talk about his temper he may try something. and your life is more important than a face to face in trying to get him to stop the texting and calls