Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
If you’re not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can’t push.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school — you’ll be working for them in the future.
2007-12-08
09:50:27
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Entertainment & Music
➔ Jokes & Riddles