Does anybody know aboout the new law for Volvo 850 ABS and TRAC lights?

Question

The state of NH came out with a new law this year requiring the ABS and TRAC dashboard lights to be off.

I had the inspection done at an independent mechanic. The car passes inpection except for the ABS and TRAC lights.

I went to Volvo and they didn't even know about the new law yet. However, they looked it up and found it in the new book. They quoted $720 for a new computer module and labor.

My question is, how can I get around this? Even they said it was a silly law and that the brakes work irregardless.

I wouldn't sacrifice safety, but I've been driving under this condition for years.

Any ideas? Thanks.

Answer 1

I never heard of this. I suppose you could take the lights out and sneak it by them (unless they have a record of it).

Answer 2

I have worked in the State Legislature and City Legislature as staff. Here is what you do. Contact the Legislative Clerks Office and ask for the Sponsor and Co-Sponsor of the recently passed bill requiring the ABS and TRAC dashboard lights to be off. Get a copy of the bill, and identify the section of the bill that codifies your stated problem. Ask for the office number to the elected official, speak either to him/her or staff; be sure you get the name of who you spoke to, wrote down date and time. Be specific about the legislation that costs you money and ask if the Member will amend the legislation, so other citizens will not have to pay $720 for a new computer module and labor. I am certain, you will get a favorable response from the Sponsor and Co-Sponsor.

They don't want to have legislation tied to them that "taxes" the public un-necessarily with their name tied directly to it. In fact, you could be purposeful and ask why did Senator______ pass this new tax?! This way, they will look it up themselves, explain it is not a tax and see your pain. Be cordial; sugar gets you much further than "Bitchin". Good luck.

Answer 3

If you contact the ABS repair person in Moscow Iowa, for 125 dollars, he'll repair your abs portion of your module, and mail it back to you. it worked perfectly for my 98 V70. You never break into the base brake system, just the hcu.

Answer 4

1

Answer 5

What it basically amounts to is you have two safety systems which are inoperative. No state inspection is going to pass a car with lights blaring "safety systems don't work". They won't pass one with an inoperative seat belt or air bag either. An ABS light on any car will cause it not to pass.

Answer 6

#1 Powerful Tactical Flashlight : http://FlashLight.uzaev.com/?odUO

Answer 7

does this help please can u tell me?



A rigid body is a prerequisite for stability, safety and comfort. The front and rear suspensions must be rigidly connected to one another through the body in order to achieve top-class road characteristics.

Almost half the strong Volvo S80 body structure is made of high strength steel (HSS) The choice of HSS and the actual design of the body both help to make it extremely rigid. Therefore all the substructures have also been designed to be very strong.

By working in an integrated way and consistently using computer-aided design engineering coupled with advanced calculation analyses (Finite Element Method), the body of the new Volvo S80 is the most torsionally-rigid Volvo to date. At the same time, it has also been possible to reduce the weight of the body.

In figures, this results in torsional stiffness of 18.6 kNm/degree, or, in layman’s terms, the equivalent of this hypothesis:

If another Volvo S80 (approx. 1,500 kg) were suspended on a wire from one of the front wheels of a Volvo S80, the body would turn itself less than one degree around its own longitudinal axis. One degree, which is not visible to the naked eye or hardly noticeable when examining the car.

The torsional stiffness of a four-door car body usually lies within the range of 6–14 kNm/degree; this clearly demonstrates the extreme rigidity of the Volvo S80. This is also an extraordinary figure, bearing in mind that the car features a split rear seat, since the rear seat frame plays an important role in this case.

This very high degree of torsional stiffness makes an important contribution to the fine driving characteristics, especially when cornering, and provides benefits in terms of improved safety and lower noise.

The chassis geometry of the Volvo S80 has been carefully developed using both new knowledge and old skills. The experience acquired from the high-performance versions of the Volvo 850 and subsequently the S70 and V70, has played a major role in the development of single suspension components and the tuning of the suspension.

The S80 features a choice of two optional active chassis systems – STC and DSTC –both of which actively assist the driver by counteracting the laws of nature and increasing stability and traction.

They cannot, however, fully do away with the laws of nature and should not be regarded as speed boosters, but they will most certainly help to give the car reliable, safe behaviour in situations in which many other cars abandon their drivers.

STC
Stability and Traction Control (STC) can be described as a combination of two existing Volvo systems, the low-speed, brake-activating TRACS system in the S70/V70/C70 models and the speed-independent, torque-limiting DSA system in the S40 and V40.

STC is designed to prevent the driving wheels from spinning when starting and accelerating, as well as counteracting wheel spin if the driving wheels hit slippery patches when driving.

The system improves tyre grip on slippery surfaces and provides the optimum combination of traction and side stability which in turn enhances the high level of active safety.

The traction function works at lower speeds, up to 40 kph, by transferring the engine power to the wheel with the best grip from the one with the least grip. This is done using the ABS sensors and the brake system.

The stability function reduces engine torque, by cutting down on the fuel supply, if one of the driving wheels starts to lose its grip on the road, both during acceleration and when driving on a slippery road. This minimises wheel spin and brings the car back to full stability.

The system reacts and is activated within milliseconds and driving characteristics are never affected. An indicator lamp on the dashboard flashes if and when STC is engaged.

STC is a standard feature on the Volvo S80 t6 and is available as an option on both six- and five-cylinder cars.

DSTC
Dynamic Stability and Traction Control (DSTC) is an even more sophisticated stability system to improve active safety by also intervening and counteracting any tendency to skid.

If the car makes a sudden movement and loses its directional line, or enters a corner too fast and the rear end starts to turn the car inwards, DSTC gently returns it to the right line. This is done by applying the brakes on one or more wheels.

DSTC works through the ABS system, which has been further developed.

A number of yaw angle sensors monitor the rotational speed of all four wheels, the steering wheel angle and the directional behaviour of the car.

The DSTC processor receives the signals and compares the actual behaviour of the car with the desired behaviour. Any deviation from the norm, such as the rear wheels starting to break away, and the system intervenes and makes corrections, activating the brakes on the wheel that will bring the car back in line. If necessary, the system also reduces engine torque, like STC.

In a way, it would be true to say that DSTC is able to compensate for the driver’s mistakes up to a certain point, as it counteracts and prevents skidding when the driver has already started to lose control.

The system is particularly effective if the driver has to brake hard and steer away at the same time, like the well-known elk test. The system counteracts any tendencies to skid and returns the car to its original course.

DSTC works through the ABS system which has been further developed to incorporate this system. In addition to more relief valves and a more powerful microprocessor, a brake reinforcement unit with electronic activation, sensors for side acceleration, yaw rate and steering wheel angle have been added.

The DSTC system will initially only be available on six-cylinder cars, Volvo S80 t6 and Volvo S80 2.9.

Brakes
Needless to say, the brake system is also both powerful and sophisticated, performing as it does so many more functions than simply stopping the car safely depending on driver input. Brake pedal feel has been further improved to provide a distinct yet comfortable feeling at all speeds and the pulsating ABS action is less pronounced. The stability and feeling of being in full control when braking on uneven surfaces is top-class, especially if there is a difference in friction between the left and the right sides.

The system features large-diameter discs, 286 mm with 15” wheels and 305 mm with 16” wheels with ventilation at the front, and 288 mm at the rear. All the wheels also feature sliding callipers.

Full use of the braking system is always possible as a result of Electronic Brake Force Distribution, EBD. The brake systems in modern cars are usually of two types. Either the front brakes are much more powerful than the rear ones or the braking force of the rear brakes is reduced by pressure-limiting valves to keep the force down to a certain level.

EBD, on the other hand, carefully monitors the behaviour of the rear wheels in relation to the front wheels and regulates the braking force electronically to match the degree of braking and load. In this way, perfect balance is always maintained by making the most effective use of the available braking force. Even when the driver brakes very hard, full directional stability and steering ability are maintained. The system is particularly effective when driving with heavy loads.

EBD permits far more braking force to be applied to the rear wheels as it always ensures full braking stability by regulating the pressure at an early stage of the braking process.

The entire EBD function is integrated in the ABS system, thereby enabling the function of the system to be monitored. Moreover, possible faults can be indicated by a warning lamp, as different from conventional pressure-limiting systems.

Should a defect occur in the ABS/EBD systems and be indicated to the driver, the system automatically changes to passive function. The car still has a normal braking system but without the ABS or EBD functions.

The most vulnerable part of a brake system is the brake lines. In order to minimise the risk of corrosion and brake circuit failure, the pipes are made of heavy-duty, long-life cu-ni-fer (copper-nickel-iron) alloy.

Front suspension
The design and geometry of the front suspension play a vital part in giving a powerful front-wheel drive car like the Volvo S80 the best possible dynamic properties. Here, too, it is a question of combining space and function in the optimum manner.

The front suspension features spring struts of the same design as the ones in the S70/V70/C70 but with modified geometry. The shock absorbers and coil springs are one unit and are asymmetrically positioned in relation to the strut.

Below the springs struts, there are triangular lower links and an anti-roll bar is directly attached to the spring struts via a link. This design produces very good directional stability when accelerating and braking on uneven surfaces. The suspension is supported by both anti-lift and anti-dive functions to prevent lifting tendencies when accelerating and diving tendencies when braking. It is important that the car maintains a horizontal position whenever possible for both safety and comfort reasons.

A small offset makes the front end less sensitive to acceleration forces and vibrations from the wheels. So a small front-wheel centre offset has been chosen, only 43 mm with wider tyres, 49 mm for the others.

Rear suspension
The rear end plays an important role in a front-wheel drive car. In a car with a pronounced orientation towards dynamism and comfort, the need for a first-class rear suspension was obvious.

The independent rear suspension is of the multi-link type and is mounted in a chill-cast aluminium subframe which is attached to the car at four points by means of insulating rubber bushings to keep noise and vibration to an absolute minimum.

The choice of aluminium gives the installation low weight and the low design enables the subframe to be installed without encroaching on the passenger compartment or luggage space.

The movements of the wheels are controlled by four links on each side (multi-link) – two trailing arms, upper and lower links, a track rod and an anti-roll bar.

This system permits a certain degree of rear wheel steer when cornering, as it provides assistance and helps to stabilise the car when braking.

The multi-link design combines a very high level of comfort with fine handling and controlled behaviour. There is also a safety aspect; the subframe is part of the rear impact protection system, protecting the fuel tank and creating the space for the spare wheel to lie flat, on top of the frame but in the boot, as it absorbs and helps to dissipate the impact forces.

The coil springs and shock absorbers are integrated to form one compact unit. There is also the option of an automatic levelling system, Nivomat. This system keeps the car horizontal and stable even when it is heavily laden. This also results in improved rear visibility and reduces the risk of dazzling oncoming motorists in the dark.

The steering is using the rack-and-pinion principle which is the most space-efficient and precise way of moving the wheels. The system has a very direct response and does not transmit any vibration or torque force. The power steering is available in a speed-sensitive version which adjusts the degree of amplification to match the speed and needs of the driver – light steering at low speed, more stable steering at higher speeds.

The nimble steering, which responds even to low input from the driver, has only three turns of the wheel, lock to lock.

Optimal optics
Active safety also includes seeing and being seen in poor visibility or at night. The light provided by the headlights is a very important safety factor. Being able to see along a long stretch of the road ahead could be a decisive factor in certain situations, just like being detected from the rear from far away. The Volvo S80 has very effective headlights and large tail-lights.

The headlights, double, so-called free-form headlights for both full and dipped beam, are equipped with wipers/washers, and can also be supplemented with elegantly integrated foglamps.

When full beam is applied, the dipped beam function remains in operation, thereby generating a very powerful beam and considerably increasing the driver’s field of vision in terms of both length and width.

The purpose of a headlight is to compress the light to obtain maximum effect and then to distribute the light to achieve the desired light image. In a conventional headlight, the reflector performs the former function and the optical pattern of the glass the latter.

In free-form headlights, the reflector is designed to perform both these functions and thus permits the use of clear glass without optical patterns. In other words, it is not the actual glass that forms the light image. The light is collected and distributed directly through the reflector surfaces which are designed in such a way that they produce the final light image.

As the surface of the reflector has a number of orientation points which no longer comply with any simple mathematical formula for the condition of the surface, they are called free-form surfaces - hence the name free-form headlights. As a result, the size and shape of the headlight opening is less important. The pure appearance of the free-form headlights helps to give the front of the Volvo S80 its very characteristic appearance.

Characteristic in appearance is almost an understatement when it comes to the large tail-lights. Clearly recognisable from the ECC environmental concept car, the light clusters are not simply aesthetic. They each house twin tail-lights. So, if one bulb blows, there is still one left.

It goes without saying that active safety is far more than this. It is a concept which everyone interprets in different ways. The areas mentioned above are important to Volvo and are just some of the points that are prioritised when developing a car, from concept to finished product.



6.12.07: Nissan’s brand new X-TRAIL SUV has been awarded four stars out of a maximum five for adult, as well as child, occupant protection by the European New Car Assessment Programme (Euro NCAP).

Following the safety lead set by the Nissan Qashqai - which received the highest score for adult occupant protection ever by the independent crash test organization - the X-TRAIL scored especially well in child protection, underlining its role as an ideal family vehicle.

X-TRAIL is one of only two vehicles on record to score 43 points for child protection, the maximum yet achieved in Euro NCAP tests. The vehicle also scored maximum points in side impact and pole crash tests for adult protection.

X-TRAIL, which is manufactured at Nissan’s plant in Kyushu, Japan, has active and passive safety equipment including front, side and curtain airbags. It also features Nissan’s latest electronically-controlled four-wheel drive system, making X-TRAIL far more capable off-road than many of its SUV rivals.
you keep a supply of headlight and turn signal replacement bulbs in your center console (for those that have daytime running lights).
The odometer on your old 240 has rolled back to zero three or more times.
You fear that Ford will F---- up Volvo's reputation for safety (You have the Explorer and Firestone to blame.)
If you already own two 2001 V70's and 5 240's and you work for volvo
you are finaly forced to sell your '76 245 and have not choice but a non-volvo. so you buy Volvo accessories just to prove your a Volvo owner at heart (also a true story...*Sob*)
you find it amusing to make a U turn with only two and a half lanes.. then watching in your mirror as the Cadillac trys to follow you
you can identify the model just be listening to the engine.
your 245 was rear-ended by a half-ton truck and you went home and buffed the scratch out of the tailgate while the truck driver got a new bumper (true story!)
you go down to the Volvo Dealership on sundays or at night just to look at the new XC
you can pick out the volvo in any tv show or movie (trust me, they are always there)
you think the electronics in a 480 turbo are great!


September 2000:
you go every day to the Volvo dealer to see if the S60 's already arrived
you consider making a sticker "I protect my children with my Volvo" to put on the back window
you have to close your windows when you drive backwards with your dieselbrick (smoke, you know ...)
if you've been to 5 volvo mechanics in the last year at least once...
If the guys at the junkyard say " hey the volvo girl is back" every time you go there.
you keep on fixing it, no matter how many times it breaks, insisting that "this will be the last time it breaks, really. I mean what else is there to break?"
to you even your rusty old 240 looks better than any car in the world
You won't let your son put a new radio in his 245 becuase it doesn't match the car.
You sold your Porsche in order to replace it with a '93 240 (safer!)


August 2000:
you give your fiance your '97 850 so that you have an excuse to pick up a decade-old 780 Turbo.
You decide to wash the carpets in your 240. So you spend 16 hours removing (and re-installing) all the seats, so you can remove the carpets and clean them properly (don't forget to clean the under-carpet too!).
You insist VolvoSpy's Humor section be brought back on the main page!


July 2000:
you know every one in the service department
You change the computer wallpaper at work to Volvo images, so everyone can enjoy it too!
you rather love driving somewhere than being somewhere
you drive a 240 and your kids can already draw it.
You had a blockhead
You break a window one day and replace it with a swedish part in a month
your bookmarks in Netscape are all Volvo related sites
you have your own Volvo site
Put a 850 Turbo engine in your Porsche 928
you love bumper cars.
You think that Volvo buy back Volvo-Cars
You buy "The Rock" DVD just to look at last scene when Stanley Goodspeed is driving his old VOLVO
...you almost crash ur Volvo while checking out other Volvos.
...you consider your Volvo sexy!!!
you're a crash test dummie.


June 2000:
Every song you hear has volvo lyrics (thanks to you)
cast of tyre from a truck on the motor way and dont try to avoid it or take it to a garage for a check out when you get home (True Story hit it at 75mph)
if u sleep while driving cause you think you are so safe..
if u never see the back of a VW golf at the trafficlights
the fuel consumption of your car is less with the windows open (aerodynamics, you know...)
screw the hotel room, i've got a plenty of room in my 245
your nightmare consists of you noticeing a drop of oil under your '90 245
your driving a 1990 245 with 128k miles and you stop to help a stranded motorest in their brand new BMW
you consider moving away from the city so you can get a bigger block of land to fit more volvos!
You pull the spark plugs out after every drive, just to make sure they're ok
you go to a Volvodealer every week just to check if they've got any new cars even though you know the next presentation won't be within the next three months
you don't like my V40 because it does not look like a shoebox
if you wont chance your old rusty and ugly 345 even you have money to bought better car
you know more about Volvos than your dealer.
The only new Volvo you like is S70, because it's boxy.
you hear a volvo passing and you know it's a Volvo 850
If you love Volvo's
you always think about all the things that are better in your volvo, when you drive another car
i know when my dad is home when i here the clutch clicking back from reverse gear
i wish i could live in my volvo
You are smart enough to realize that it's a Ford and not a Volvo anymore (breaks my heart...).
you could drive into trees with a 740 volvo and be unscratshed
in my 88 740 i could drive in to almost eaverything and still be unsrashed but not in my new s80 in the front end unless i want the air bag to go
since ford bought it, you switch to saab
you aremiopic but recognise a C70 light config. in a mirror without your glasses (true)
you spend a stateholoday cleanig your battery terminals
the only equipment in the trunk is a screw driver and you always get home
you are driving a -76, 242 in 70 mph and still think that it's the music from your stereo that you hear.
My other car(s) is(are) a Volvo too!
you can see the diffrence between a Volvo and a Mercedes..
you buy your kids a newer volvo than your own.
you want to attack DaimlerChrysler in court because they have the same naming system as Volvo
You think that roads were invented only for the purpose of driving a Volvo.
You have contributed more than 100 one-liners to www.volvospy.com.
You wonder if 40 is the IQ required to buy a S40.
Your wife is jealous of all the attention you are giving to your car.
You are buying your 8th Volvo, but haven't yet got rid of a single one.
You refuse to have sex with your wife in the car cause you don't want to make the car dirty.
It's not a car but an addiction.
You died the day Ford took over...
you go to sweden on the US overseas delivery program to bring back two things: a new fully loaded sexy volvo and a new fully loaded sexy swedish chick
if u have volvo stickers on your bike
you could play your golfgame with volvo balls.
"You are a true Volvo owner if...", you work at Volvo, and drives a Volvo!!!
you sell your 14 year old Volvo to your best friend and when he won't sell it back to you for 25% more than he paid you for it; you offer to throw in your two kids and wash his replacemet vehicle for life.
If your license says "safe driver" under your pic even though you've been into 1 crash every month.
you spent 10 years restoring it, then sell it to buy a new volvo wreck
u wear sandles and carry a knapsack
If you put 850 Turbo R wheels on your M3. They look quite nice on my M3.
you know who "Jacob" was.
You realize that the "S" in S40 stands for "Sadistic".
Your grandmother has a 1972 sedan in her garage and you drive a GL Wagon
you trade your golf for a 440 because of the lower feul consuption
your horn on your C70 makes the same sound as the one from The Saint
you noticed that the radio in the C70 in The Saint had the code entered wrong three times and said OFF and yet still played music
you rented The Saint just to see the C70
you know your vin number by heart


May 2000:
your wife refuses to drive your T5 'cause of its electrical problems...
You think that the "S" in S80 stands for "Sexy".
Since it's a Ford and not a Volvo anymore, you decide to buy a truck. The only REAL Volvo out there.
You stop buying Volvo, since Ford took over! Problem is: What the hell to buy now???
you have over 250 miniature Volvos, 3 real ones, over 3 meters of brochures, and still not satisfied
you feel tempted to have an accident to see if the safety features work.
you know the official names and sizes of all the alloy wheels for the S80.
wenever you see another S80 parked, you have to see what engine and what spec.
every morning you check your S80 for scratches even though it is kept in a locked garage
you live 24 hours a day in your volvo
you place your Volvo under the window of your sleeping room. So each night is like Romeo & Julia.
you read the whole set of this one-liners at least twice a month
You just painted your house in original Volvo-colors
your desktop wallpaper is a picture of a Volvo
you die before your volvo dies
you just ordered your 9th Volvo (S 80)
you learned to count by this: 140, 240, 340, 440, 740, 850, 960 (when volvo launched the s/v/c concept you had a problem)
you're first car when you're 16 is a 940 turbo that thumps.... :)
you nearly get upset when your 240's clutch starts slipping at 245Kmi
the only thing what you are thinking about (the hole day and night) is your Volvo!
you're walking hand in hand with your girlfriend for the first time, and say: look a C70 Convertible
your garagedoor says: volvo parking only!
you only have friends driving volvo's too!
you start reading in Haynes manuals for fun!
stay in the car at the shopping center for looking at other volvo's!
you own all brochures of all model years
you replaced the paintings in your living room for volvo calenders
you think you can brake from 100-0 kmh in just 25 meters!
you think your 245 hits 200 kmh!
you think that your 144 is better than the neighbours V40
you arent hurt after an side-collision with 85 kmh. (true story)
you pull out a golf gti with your '73 144 B20
you find the s90 a fine example of Volvo
You didn't name your car...you let it name itself.
Your 240 van rides in a straight line with no hand on your steeringwheel at 140 km/h afther an accident with a truck!!
You feel embarrassed driving borrowed/rental cars for fear they will create the wrong impression.
IPD has a stack of shipping labels pre-printed with your address.
You and your 244 never argue philosophical points.
You muttered to yourself "I will never buy a new Volvo" and then...along came the new V70.
You ever wonder why VW still makes the old Beetle, but you can't find a new 240 anywhere.
That which we call a 960 by any other name would drive as smooth.
Whenever your back bothers you you have to take a drive.
You eat candies you secretly call "M47&M56s"
You become visibly upset at the sight of an unbelted teenager in a 240.
You went to an adoption agency before any used-car dealerships (honest mistake).
The Rover that rear ended you is almost total loss and your V40 has only a little scratch on the bumper (true story).
You change your first pair of front brakediscs after "only" 400.000Km !!! (Volvo 744 -90, used as a Taxi car) That´s real Volvo quality !
You actually find the new SUV attractive.
If the driver of the 18 wheeler that rear ended you at 35 mph says can you call a tow truck after you pull you car to the side (true story).
You are convinced that all the other cars will be your crushable zone.
You dust a new German "luxury-car" and say, "You have got to be kidding me".
You drive around with the mentality "Hell I can drive 135 mph with ease, hit an Acura Integra driven by a teenager, and wonder if you really hit an Acura or if you ran over a sardine can.
You might be interested in real life.
You name your first son Victor Olav Leopold Vincent Otto...
You have stickers from your childeren on the backwindow.
You reject a perfect job-offer when you are forced to drive a new companycar instead of driving your private owned 1992 850GLT 20V. Last month I did exactly that and consequently now have both; A fine new job ánd my good old GLT.
You paint large X symbols on your door to denote how many cars your Volvo has destroyed without being damaged itself...(I have three to paint)
You raced a souped up Honda with a V70 full of friends and beat its ***! (I've done that).
You keep saying sorry to those people that rear end you. "Sorry, my volvo's too strong.." and then you kick your bumper and abuse it in every possible way. and yet it still won't do a thing.
You want to learn swedish so you can actually know your way around swedish volvo pages.
You drive a loaded s80, and are drooling over other volvos, yes, even the rusty clunkers.
Your friends think you are crazy for buying a car more than 5 years old.
Here's how to have SAFE sex: you and your partner get into the trunk of a v70, and carry on! no accident can come between you two.
You still buy a V40 DIESEL, though you have became deaf during the testdrive.
You love the smell of C70 in the morning!


April 2000:
You've always been driven safely by your dad being a baby, then bought your own, so your own child can experience the same feeling of... VOLVO! (worked for me :-)
You have dreams in your sleep about your new S40.
Your vitamins are B-18Fs.
Your tooth brush is of more value if used to clean your Volvo's wheels.
Why spend money on a woman when you can save it on a Volvo.
A dog is man's best friend, but a Volvo S80 is mine.
You buy another make of car, but you find yourself hitting Volvo websites as much as you did when you had a Volvo.
You buy a Volvo just so your new born is safe on the ride home from the hospital.
If cops dont pull you over for not wearing your seatbelt.
Volvospy.com is bookmarked on your computer
You noticed the absence of the V-bonnet on the April joke car (Jaguar F-Type concept).
You go to buy a pedal steel guitar and ask if it is made out of HSS steel and has roll bars.
You move to Holland, just so you can visit the NedCar factory every weekend with the family.


March 2000:
You wear your high miler badges as jacket pins and cuff links.
You are really disillusionated because the 1. waterpump of your '86 745 Turbo broke down allready after 400.000 KM. Can I claim this? :-)
You prefer your 1989 240 DL Wagon over your 1982 Mercedes Benz 380 SL convertible (truly!)
The parts guys know your name and has to ask which Volvo you need help with.
You have NEVER owned anything else but a Volvo!
Every time you pass a non-Volvo car with your 1980 244 DL, you want to toss the driver a quarter and say "Here buy a real car." :)
The dealer calls, to ask if you've got that spare part...
You are in your 40's and five of the nine cars you've owned were Volvo's.
You get the word "Volvo" tatooed on your wife's ***.
Your big event planned for the weekend is to clean the undercarriage so it doesn't rust next year!
You really hope Ford buys BMW too... (Might happen).
You drive by the dealer and stop in to just say hello to the guys.
You try to count the number of Volvo's you spot on your way to work in the morning...
You park your Volvo at the very back of the desolate parking lot so idiots won't ding your doors.
If you fell into a deep depression when Ford bought Volvo.
The accident may be your fault, but you'll be damned if you will loose!
When driving on the autobahn, a citron vacu-forms it's self around your back bumper.. and you drive away from it. (true story)
You name your first son Jacob (the name of the very first Volvo).
You drive by the Volvo dealership on sunday and at night to drool over the new models.
You wish you were Swedish.
At any given time you can recite the milage to a tenth of a mile.
When getting tires, you never leave the car's side.
You cry whenever someone mentions selling your old '76.
You turn down a new car in favor of keeping your 1976 245DL.
Your volvo is older than you.
Your friends think that Volvo wagons are the most testosterone depleting automobile.
You would like to blow up the European Commission building.
You name your car: darling, and your wife: hey woman.
I painted my volvo aqua because there's somethinng about an aqua volvo man.
You bought the DVD "Brocken Arrow" just to replay the part where they say "Ill put 5% -of his $$$- in stock of VOLVO and make the best and safest investment ever..."
You buy VOLVO hood ornaments and rim caps, so your "home" looks more like your HOME!
You occasionally start a game of "Interstate Bumper-cars" with the 18-wheelers just to prove your point -VOLVOS WIN-
I cut accross 4-lanes in Rush-Hour just to get infront of another Volvo to let them see my decal on the back window "Fear This VOLVO"
Hey, Swede girls are sexy. So Swede cars gotta be sexy too! I'll buy a Volvo!
Brick-Headed wife finally developed some true feminine curves.
You're wife's the one who's drivin'.


February 2000:
You pray: Assar and Gustaf, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy names...
You like to play the Carmageddon computergame, because it remembers you of your cruising in your Volvo.
You get an orgasm just by hearing a Volvo 5 cilinder turbocharged engine.
You want to own the same car (volvo) as your dad.
You'd rather take your 92 944T on cross-country trips than your 99 XJ8.
Your mother-in-law thinks you drive a vulva.
If they know you by name at the Volvo parts department.
You believe that Volvos were made to "win" accidents.
If you wanted to drive a tank, why didn't you join the army?


January 2000:
You save all your money your wive makes to buy new tyres for your S80.
You become angry and get a red head every time a friend mentions a VW golf.
You put your Volvo 360 in your testament...
You quit sex to look out of the window because you heard the typical 5-cilinder sound of a Volvo 850...
You see the VW-golf GTI keep getting smaller in your rear mirror When you pull away by the traffic lights.
If you feel a sense of pride leaving those bass head turbo racer kids in the dust at any intersection.
You wrecked your car just to see if the airbags still worked.
You challenge your neighbor to race to the store in the dead middle of Winter (-40C/F).
The only reason you watch TV is to find the Volvo in every movie you see(there is one in almost every movie).
You missed your Volvo after having to rent an American 'luxury' Car for a day.
After you wrecked your old 240 Turbo, you took the Volvo emlems to use on your Porsche.
Your last major accident only required an ambulance to calm down the other driver.
You were involved in a head-on collision with a Porsche and the officers are stunned as you drive away passed the mangled Porsche.
You have had more Volvos than you have had sex and your eight kids always fight over who drives.
90% of the bookmarks you have ever made are about Volvo.
You work for IBM and still your computer crashes more than your Volvo...Worse yet, you have fear that it may be a fatal computer crash.
You have your Haynes manual compressed and fitted inside of a bible cover for church reading.
You rolled your car five times and just asked for help to roll it back on its wheels.
You smirk while other's cars don't start in -25 F.
You watch the movie "Stir Crazy" just to hear Richard Prior's "they are boxy, but they are good" campaign.
Still searching for the overdrive buttom in yr splinter new S80.
Hello my sweet car, let's go dancing!
Is this a car? a thought it was a dish washer! No, it's a Volvo.
You missed your sons baseballgame for the V70 launch.
You drive the car very slowly down your street hoping your neighbours will see it.
Your wife has a kind of blocking system on her ears that goes on every time you mention a Volvo.
You have about 2 gb harddisk on your computer, you use about 0.5 for your programs the rest for Volvo pictures.
You cry when any one says "Ford".
Your kid is called 240turbo, your dog C70 and your wife Duett.
You drive to Gothenburg first to get bread in Brussels around the corner.
Your first words being a baby were: Daddy, I want your Volvo.
You only watch the Volvo pictures in Playboy.
You began to feel dizzy seeing the C70 for the first time.
You think you're the Saint.
You just can't stand to see your ol' 240 sold (or junked), no matter how much the wife bitches about the rusty old crate.
Your butt is shaped like a box.
Your wife starts complaining you use the massage-oil for your daily volvo-polish and keep the car-polish for her.
Your idea of a good time is to compare C70 hp/weight ratios with BMW or Benz owners.
You have a Volvo RC car, which you consider the safest RC car on the streets.
You can't sleep without peeping out of the window to see if it's still there... (the Volvo)
The Volvo salesman with a Swedish accent says being from North Dakota or Sweden is "the same thing".
You take the Haynes manual to the loo, even when there's nothing wrong with the car.
The salvage yard calls you every time a volvo is junked.
You have a box of 142 parts in your bedroom - Just in case.


December 1999:
You break your m46 gearbox, but it doesn't matter because you have two more in your backyard.
You have to take your old Volvo behind the barn and shoot it, because the old B20 didn't want to die no matter how hard you've tried to kill it.
You joined a trip (from The Netherlands to England in 24 hours and back) organized by Volvo to see a BTCC-race on the Brands-hatch track.
You check into this web page every day.
You argue more with your 240 blower motor than you ever have with your wife.
You think that if James Bond really had a choice, he would drive a Volvo.
Your volvo breaks down and you spend weeks looking for a certified mechanic.
The paint on your volvo will last longer than the metal underneath.
Your volvo belts are streatched tighter than a fat mans belt.
Your volvo is louder than your wife.
You can only see white smoke in your rearview.
If your power steering rack costs you more than $650, you must be driving a 1985 244 Volvo.
You think a wheel chaulk is a part of owning a car.
You start your car twice because it is so quiet.
Your car is louder than your radio.
Your car reacts before you do.
Your car has more safety features than the space shuttle.
Every one stares at you.
You feel attracted by brick-headed women.
The navigation sysytem from Volvo brings you where you don't want to go.
Your highlight of the day is this site! (Next to driving your Brick around!)
Your car last longer than your marriage.
You love your car more than you love your wife.
You know by heart the VIN number of all the Volvo cars you have owned.
You have more Volvos in your yard than there are in your neighborhood.
You always have the latest Volvo as a background-picture on your desktop.
You take your S80 T6 to Germany in order to feel once the 155 mph.
You only buy a car magazine containing Volvo articles.
You're sitting in the house and you know, it's a 850 driving outside because of the typical 5 cylinder sound.
Practice safe sex. Make love in a Volvo.


November 1999:
You go to buy a new Volvo, and you know more about the car than the salesman.
You look forward to rolling the odometer over, so you can stick another "K" on your bumper.
The place you live has seen your Volvo, but your Volvo has seen EVERY place you've lived.
You check the accuracy of your local gas station's pumps against your Volvo's trip computer.
After putting your Volvo in the garage at night, you softly whisper 'goodnight' while switching off the light...
You always keep a moose in the back of your 940 station wagon, just for the fun of scaring Mercedes's A-class.
Buy a man a GM he drives for a day, buy a man a volvo he drives for a lifetime!
To pick up girls in a bar, you flash your "Volvo C70" keychain.
You drive your C70 to the corner to pick up the mail.
You find your son drives your C70 more then you do.
You are the only driver on thr road who feels safe driving near Lincoln Navigators.
Your S40 with only 140hp beets the crap out of a BMW 325.
You wonder if, in the interests of safety, a 480's lights fold back to avoid harming pedestrians.
You're determined to bring a Volvo into the US simply because Americans think the last sporting Volvo was the P1800, and faint at the idea of a Volvo with pop-up headlights.
You keep a record of how long a tailback you created with your 240 wagon and trailer - and compare scores with other Volvo owners.
You buy your wife a car so she doesn't drive your Volvo.
Your girlfriend loves your Volvo more than you.
When you retire your Volvo, you have no recollection of making payments.
When you were concieved at the backseet of your fathers volvo and now your driving it.
You laugh when your 10 year old Volvo goes faster then your father's Jaguar.
You start the car at new years evening and the police arrest you for illegal fireworks.
You rather have a star in your front windscrean, then one on the engine hood.


Before November 1999:
You back up your computer as often as your car.
You hit two busses, and only the busses are dented.
You read the Haynes-book for amusement, while eating your breakfast.
You didn't even notice the last carcrash you were involved in.
You like quality but can't afford a Jaguar.
Your first two sons are named Gustaf and Assar.
You've learned swedish so you can read your new S.A.M. catalogue.
"Low Mileage Car" means less than 200,000 miles.
When asked how fast your normally aspirated 240 goes, you respond, "depends how steep the hill is."
You know your 240 turbo can beat the crap out of a souped up honda.
You look up the word "safety" in the dictionary to see if there really is a picture of a Volvo there.
You argue that "Volvo-styling" is NOT an oxymoron.
You state that Volvo should be on the periodic table because they do indeed have a "half-life".
You think more of it then of your wife.
You have speed dial to your repair shop and they have a key to your car.
You have looked through every matchbox and hotwheels car in the toy store hoping to find a Volvo.
You know that "Volvo" is not a part of a woman's anatomy.
You held a memorial service the day the last S90 rolled of the line in Gothenburg.
You interpret the "No U Turn" highway symbol (diagonal slash) to mean only a Volvo can turn here.
You think your car is a "green" model because it has a biodegradable exhaust system.
You only have to see a fragment of a car in a movie or picture to identify it not only as a Volvo but down to model and age within two years.
Every time you see another Volvo on the road, your head turns.
You planned your vacation around (1) Picking up your new Volvo at Gothenburg, (2) Touring the assembly plant and museum in Gothenburg, (3) Touring the Volvo foundry and engine plant in Skovda.
You've ever used the head rests as a towel rack (applies to most '80 models)
You picked up your new Volvo in Gothenburg just so you could drive it north of the Arctic Circle.
You let it warm up for three minutes even on a 90 degree day.
You are younger than your car...
You ever traded in a car for an older model Volvo because you needed more reliable transportation.
You ever couldn't sleep at night wondering if the dealer's mechanic torqued the repair job properly.
You vary the octane gas you purchase based on temperature and altitude.
You ever paused while picking out clothes to wear for the day to ponder what would be the safest clothes to wear.
100,000 miles is synonymous with "break in period."
You think your home refrigerator is one heck of a sleek design.
Your local dealer calls you for help locating parts.
You're convinced soft paint is an impact absorbing safety feature.
You ever thought about making a recliner for your den out of a Volvo seat because your lazy-boy recliner just wasn't comfortable enough.
For some inexplicable reason you haven't been able to enjoy a Harrison Ford movie lately and you've had stray thoughts about Gerald Ford being a terrible U. S. president.
You have a better set of repair manuals for your make/model than your local dealer.
You don't believe it's really a safety feature until it has an acronym (e.g. ABS, DSTC, EBD, IC, SIPS, SRS, STC, WHIPS).
Irv Gordon is your hero.
You dream of going to Jerusalem, Mecca and Gothenburg before you die.
Numbers 4, 8 and 12 aren't funny because safety is no laughing matter.
Your home page is www.brickboard.com.
You're pretty sure Nostradamus said something about putting a Volvo badge on a Ford Explorer and the end of the world being near.
Your friends call you "Safety Nazi."
You're fairly certain the factory recommended oil change interval has an extra zero typo.
When asked "what year is your Volvo?" you have accidently replied "it was born in 19__".
You've inquired about the existence of synthetic windshield washer fluids in hopes of even further extending the life of your Volvo. (Additionally, you don't just add more washer fluid, you change the washer fluid.)
You've ever attached a Q-Tip to a coat hanger to clean those hard to reach areas.
After 10,000 miles without the check engine light coming on, you've taken apart the dash because you knew the light must have burnt out.
You don't see anything wrong with thinking inside the box.
Like an Alfred Hitchcock outline, you resemble the Volvo symbol when naked.
You know the Latin translation of Volvo (I roll) and the origin of the Volvo symbol of a circle with an arrow (symbol for iron) even though you didn't go to Catholic School and that they combine to mean "rolling strength."
You made a mint hoarding the old style 100K medallions and selling them on ebay to people who submit a proper VIN number.
You slam on your brakes at traffic lights because you enjoy seeing taxicabs-Hyundais-BMWs-etc. smash up their font ends while you drive away unscathed.
You have more pix of your Volvo collection in your wallet/purse than you do of your kids.
You let your kid pay for his/her own college tuition so you can afford to restore that 544 you bought.
You instinctively know and seek out the sound of Volvo exhausts and door slams in parking lots.
You throw a little party in your Volvo every time you rack up another 1,000 miles.
You break a lamp and knock over the trash can while running into the living room to see the latest Volvo commercial. Corollary...you ever bought a magazine just because of the Volvo advertisement in it.
You have at least five items of clothing with the Volvo name or logo on them.
You've crossed six lanes of grid-locked rush hour traffic just to get a better look at another Volvo.
You brag incessantly about the time you changed the blower motor on a 240.
You believe broad shoulders make men and cars better looking.
You ever examined your car's front seats to see how you might attach four-point seatbelts for that extra margin of safety.
You know damn well, if you ever get in an accident, it will be the other driver's fault.
You see nothing unusual with Zymol making a specially formulated wax just for Volvos.
Whenever you see two boxes stacked on top of each other, you can't help but pause and admire the simple pleasing aesthetics.
You can find Gothenburg and Gustafsberg on a map easier than you can find Georgia or Georgetown.
As a child when you got a new HotWheels or Matchbox, you opened the box, removed the toy car . . . and played with the box.
Your goal is to have as many of your Brickboard forum postings archived as possible or you e-mail Jarrod Stenberg to ask if the views counter is working correctly if you postings don't have over 100 views after a week.
You have ever removed a part of your vehicle to facilitate washing/waxing behind it (e.g. the license plate).
You can remember the model numbers, engine displacements, recommended oil viscosity, octane rating, and tire pressure of your vehicles better than you can your wedding anniversary.
When you think of founding fathers you think of the economist Assar Gabrielsson, and the engineer Gustaf Larson, who joined forces in 1924 with the idea to build a Swedish car.
You believe the true history of automobiles began on April 14, 1927, when the first Volvo, the OV4, rolled out of the factory in Lundby on Hising Island in Gothenburg.
Your family knows when your within a mile of home by the tell-tale squeal of your brakes.

Warning: include() [function.include]: URL file-access is disabled in the server configuration in /usr/www/users/jcrombez/resources/humor/humor.php on line 441

Warning: include(http://www.volvospy.com/footer.inc) [function.include]: failed to open stream: no suitable wrapper could be found in /usr/www/users/jcrombez/resources/humor/humor.php on line 441

Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening 'http://www.volvospy.com/footer.inc' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php') in /usr/www/users/jcrombez/resources/humor/humor.php on line 441